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Post by gracebyfaith on Oct 15, 2007 22:27:09 GMT -5
Sunshine - my prayers are with you. I am, and have been, at a loss for words at the pain you have experienced and are sharing with us. Psalm 91:4 He will shelter you with his wings; you will find safety under his wings.
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 16, 2007 11:41:45 GMT -5
Mayberry
I want you to know how much I loved what you shared with me about the rock. I truly loved the healing feeling I got just from reading it.
Mayberry, and Whoami- Thank you both for supporting me with my belief in B's healing. This is such a comfort to me, because it seems like most people believe that if they are healing, that they are just one step away from falling.
Thank you all for praying for me and for being here for me. I am so sorry that I am not able to devote the time or thought to this that you all deserve, but this is a really busy time for me, and more problems than you can imagine. Last night the people who bring me boughs for my wreaths got locked in the forest, and wanted to go back to Washington. I really need them to stay and work, because B is working out of state. And my phone won't ring. It is a new phone, and I tried for hours to fix it, but still no ringer. Any my webb site won't take credit cards. My webb guy says it is the webb host problem, and was with him a half day and couldn't fix the problem, and I found out that it has been down for over a month. And I have had my grandkids, age 1,2, and 4 all day yesterday, and for the last 3 nights. I make a whole years income in 6 weeks, but it comes with all the problems one faces in an entire year. It is just starting, so bare (?)with me
Sunshine
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 16, 2007 11:52:37 GMT -5
Gracebyfaith-
Thank you for your prayers. I love that verse.
The night before we left Texas to move to Montana we attended our home group. At the beginning of the meeting, they asked for how we wanted to be prayed for. I said that I wanted to know clearly that we were doing the right thing in moving back home. The leader passed out little books that told how to spend one hour a day with the Lord. He assigned different topics to everyone to discuss. When it got to me, we were short on time, so he had me pick a verse out of about 20 verses, to read concerning thankfulness. I just picked one at random, and it said " go home and tell what the Lord has done for you." I was totally shocked, and so was everyone else.
I believe that the lord has been preparing us for a ministry concerning S/A for a long time, and we have to be ready to serve.
Love, Sunshine
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 16, 2007 14:48:18 GMT -5
This morning I went through our new- 100 year old house that we are in the process of building. Since the S/A revelation, I hadn't been interested in it. It is the home where we raised our children , and the home where 3 of our grandchildren were born. I prayed over each room, and asked for forgiveness for any sin that I had done there, and I asked for blessings for what will be done in each room, and for each person who had lived there, and who will live there. I felt so close to God, like he was smiling at me as I went through each room. It is my acceptance of Jeremiah 29-11 For I know the plans I have for you- Plans to help you, not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will come to Me and pray to Me and I will hear you. Sunshine
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Post by Mayberry on Oct 16, 2007 14:53:59 GMT -5
Sunshine: That's so incredibly cool! When I moved into this house, I did something very similar in each room. In August of this year, after I'd "settled down" a bit from the big d-day in June, I did it again. I think it's a very helpful thing to do. As an aside, you might want to be in touch with dazedandconfused on that ministry thing. I have also been giving some thought to SA/PA ministry. I think I'm going to try to make myself available (as stuff slows down) to do some grant-writing for OTHERS who actually want to "do" the ministry. This is an area where (I feel) "the church" really needs to get up to speed and actively minister, in a healing--not a damning--way, to those who are hurting from SA/PA (both addicts and their partners). I know you are terribly busy, and I'm sorry to have read about some glitches with your business in the past little bit. I will pray for God's grace and strength for you as you try to do a year's worth of work in a very few weeks. If the payment problem continues, can you "just" switch over to PayPal to handle credit card payments? J
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 16, 2007 15:16:03 GMT -5
Hi Mayberry-
Yes, I think we could take paypal or even get set up with our bank to do the cc thing. I also just found out that my phone # is wrong on the site. To tell the truth, I haven't even looked at the site, and don't even know the address. I am basically the manufacturer and someone else is in charge of that, but I guess I should at least look.
My B and I believe that God has a plan for a ministry for us and we didn't know what it was. It is starting to reveal itself to us. Even as far as the other night when I wanted to take care of the "rape" issue. Basically, there was no healing experience for me, only the realization that, since the rapist has died, and I have God's word on this, "Vengence is mine," saith the Lord ,it came to me that because I am a child of God, God has already taken care of this on my behalf.
I know how my B tried to get help from our pastor, who didn't understand anything other than just don't do it. He didn't even know about the S/A groups, or even that there was such a thing. He wants to come out of the closet with this, and take satan on over this issue. He wants me to be strong enough to stand beside him on this, and he believes that this is what we have spent our lives preparing for.
Mayberry- we are so connected in so many ways. Thank you for being here-
M.
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Oct 16, 2007 18:22:28 GMT -5
Hi Sunshine, Religion seems to be a very strong theme for you. I admire your faith. I hope you can resolve your issues with your husband. He sounds as if he is really trying. If Satan ever had an industry then its the P industry. I'm sure God will help you but he can only lead a horse to water. Freewill means he won't make us drink it. I think you and B need to learn to love each other again wholeheartedly. As some point in time you have to leave all this behind. People can change for the better. He is probably still the person you first loved. I'm sure he confidence is shot to ribbons at this point, as is yours. You can rebuild everything you had. You must remember God has given you the control to do this. Your husband must learn wholeheartedness in his relationship with you.
Kind Regards William
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Post by LookingUp on Oct 17, 2007 4:03:14 GMT -5
My B and I believe that God has a plan for a ministry for us and we didn't know what it was. It is starting to reveal itself to us. That is so awesome. There is such a need for this type of ministry. Although you didn't find healing - it sounds like you do have some closure now. I pray that helps you find healing. The first three pastors I went to (1) I'll pray for you. (2) Maybe you need to wear sexier lingerie; and (3) If he'll come in, I think one or two sessions should fix the problem and for a couple months I'd be glad to be his accountability partner and then he should have established a habit of not watching. I think there is a real need for pastors to be trained. I read a wonderful book: " A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict" by Steve Gallagher. I wish every pastor who read English would be given a copy of this resource - and be encouraged to read it. I gave my copy to my pastor... who really made an effort with Mr. LU - but Mr. LU wasn't receptive to a Biblical approach. Do you feel the same way? I want to write a book for wives. My reluctance is I don't want to shame Mr. LU - and not sure how to write a book without my name. LookingUp
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Post by Mayberry on Oct 17, 2007 6:42:53 GMT -5
Sunshine: I was really struck by the importance of LU's question: do YOU feel the same way? I gave you my "shout it from the rooftops" answer last night in the Recovering Marriage circle, but I can't say, enough, how important I think the answer to LU's question is.
And, not to hijack your journal (much): LU, write that book and then "we'll" figure out a way to publish it without shaming Mr. LU.
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Post by LookingUp on Oct 17, 2007 8:36:46 GMT -5
I am sad, also, because I have a daughter, whom I love so much, who refuses to let us have any relationship with her and our grandchildren. She is so hard hearted, that she has broken the hearts of my son's children over and over, by not allowing them to see their cousins either. She has nothing to do with any of her family, the reason she gave me is that "we throw her brother and his children in her face all the time." She can't stand it that our son is a Doctor, and that we are closer to his children than we are to hers. I took the above quote from Mayberry's journal because I don't want to hijack her thread. But I wanted to reach out and give you big cyber hugs and let you know that I'm praying there will be healing in this area for you, your daughter and your grandchildren. I'm so sorry you are going through this. After I divorced my ex, our boys 18 and 20 refused to have anything to do with me for 4 and 3 years, respectively. Our relationships are very iffy now (they are 28 and 30). In fact, I think they are relieved I live 3000 miles away so they don't have to interact with me. I understand that pain of having children who have disowned you. I think that's part of the reason I haven't disowned my own mother: I know she did the best she could with the limited personal resources she had. Like you, I lost a parent to death when I was young - I was 12 when Dad passed. The children rejecting me re-opened the "abandonment" feelings I had from dad's dying. I don't have much other words to say - except I care and wish I had a magic wand that could make it all better - but will pray that God will heal it since I didn't come equipped with the wand. I know satan is behind this - doing whatever he can to destroy families. LookingUp
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Post by gracebyfaith on Oct 17, 2007 9:00:50 GMT -5
I commend your H for this, and also echo LU's and Mayberry's question on how you feel about it. I pray that the Lord will continue leading you where He wants you to be.
My H met with his accountability partner last night, who asked if he would be willing to share his testimory with a small men's group - I definitely believe this sin has got to be talked about more in the church...and believe that ministry can happen even in smaller, not shouting it from the rooftop settings (should you not be comfortable with that yet)
Again, may the Lord lead you where He wants you!
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Post by whoami on Oct 17, 2007 10:37:01 GMT -5
Hi Sunshine!
Yikes! When I mentioned "shouting it from the rooftops" here, I didn't mean for it to be taken so literally! I'm spending some time reading here this morning, and I've seen that expression being used in more than one forum, and seeming to mushroom into something out of context of how I meant that!
But I think (and hope) you understand what I meant by it. I meant that you should be allowed to feel safe in your beliefs and convictions, both in your heart and mind, and here on this board. You should not have to give into any doubts that come in externally (even when they're meant as "just be careful," you should not have to succomb to any negativity that might be coming out of other's negative spaces, if ya know what I mean)...that's what I meant.
Ok, I just looked up and saw LU's post about your daughter, tooo. And I too am sorry for the estrangement with your daughter, and I WILL pray for healing here, also. Dang it. I have issues of my own with family, and the only thing I know for sure is that I can not and will not judge anyone! with estrangement issues in family. I looked at the letter Mayberry composed in her journal, and got a lump in my throat, at all the love there that I wish we could all have with our family members. To me, that was a beautiful expression of love! For all of us, with estrangement issues, especially those of us in this Circle, let's pray for each other on this one, too. God can do anything and we know it!
Ok, about shouting from the rooftops, that would be soooo hard for me. My pride would be soooo all over the place with this one, and a lot of fear too. (I checked in on the Marriage Circle so I'm thinking about what you are up against.) I know you'll get led, Sunshine, to what is right and reasonable for you. Boy, does this sin EVER need to be brought out in church! I'm Catholic and am not even sure how it's handled in that church. Very quietly, I suspect...our priest is a wonderful man but I'm sure has protocol to follow... When Mr. W went to talk with him about his SA, it was a GOOD experience for both of them (priest is in AA and very 12 step savvy) but husband's biggest anxiety about it was to make it clear he wasn't a child molestor. SORE SUBJECT! Anyway, it was a private discussion between them, but I know Msgr would refer someone in the church to H. Maybe someday it can be more of a public topic. I confess to mixed emotions about it!
Sunshine, I am sorry for blabbing all over your journal! I wish you much peace today, and much love from me to you.
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 17, 2007 12:44:31 GMT -5
William- Thank you for your kind comments. Things are going well for B and I. We are both Born -Again Christians, and it is the major part of our lives. We both pray that this will be used for God's glory.
B says he doesn't understand this, but, understanding the power of our Great Healer, all desire has been removed from him. I had been praying for COMPLETE healing for B for the 3 months prior to D day because of health issues. I cried out to the Lord one night about this, and it was pointed out to me that I had been praying for complete healing, and without this, it could not be.
LU-
What a help it would be if you would write a book. I want to be a help to others, and you have so much information about this issue. I know I will be calling on you - if you would be willing. I am also so sorry about your family. It is so hard when they choose sides, and to think that these were the children we rocked, and sang to, and tucked in at night.
Grace- Is your H going to share his testimony?
Whoami- I have to tell you that I have being listening to Elvis sing Gospel hymns, and one that I love is Who AM I when he sings it I always think of you.
First- I want to say that B has not been into child porn. He made that very clear to me, and I know he is being honest about this. My sister also made it a point to tell me she didn't have sex with B. I told her that I knew that, because he said that he didn't want to "foul his own nest". My sister also asked me if maybe B had made a pass at my other sister, that that was why she doesn't speak to me. I know this also is not so, for the same reason. He did his stuff when he was out of town, and he would never have taken a chance with her. She doesn't speak to me for the same reason she doesn't have any relationship with any other member of the family- her own poor self image, and her own jealousies.
My daughter was spoiled from B from the day he took her home, and quite simply, she doesn't like sharing the limelight with my son's family. She is totally jealous of my relationship with my other grandchildren, and she hates that her brother is a doctor. She doesn't speak to us, but she also has no relationship with my Aunt, who is like her grandmother, didn't even respond to her only female cousin's wedding invitation, and told me last thanksgiving that we aren't welcome at her house because she is sick of us talking about her brother. You know the sad thing is that she works at a church. But she sits in judgement of everyone else. She is so unhappy, and so angry. I have never seen her act in any loving way to my son's children. This breaks our hearts, and we pray daily for her heart to be softened.
You all are wonderful
Sunshine
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 17, 2007 13:56:19 GMT -5
JOY_
My daughter's name is Joy. It was given to her by her father, who took her home from the hospital when she was 8 days old. I had had a c section, but had contracted spinal meningitis from the anesthetic and was in a coma. He took care of her, and her brothers who were 6 & 8. My B had so much to deal with- he had been told that I would not survive, and then when I did, it was not clear if I would have lasting effects from the illness. It is amazing to him today that he never prayed for me during that time. He has apologized for this several times. When I finally got out of the hospital, B made it clear to me that Joy had never cried, and that she was never going to. The only place she would sleep was on his chest. I always treated her the way I would have wanted my mom to treat me. Her brothers loved her. She only had older cousins, but the only girl cousin was 6 years older than she was. Her cousin loved to save her favorite hand me downs to give to Joy, and she would dress her up every holiday. Joy was always the center of attention, and everyone loved her. I remember once when B was sleeping on the sofa, and Joy got the curling iron, and curled his hair. It was fine until she burned his neck. She also put makeup on him. Joy's cousin told me just the other day that she and her brothers were always envious, because they thought that our family was so wonderful. Joy didn't even respond to this cousin's wedding invitation last year, even when she was called,3 times- I taught her how to sew, and we used to cook together. I had thought that our relationship was special. We did not fight, even when she was a teenager. I will say that she was very secretive about her life. I found laundry when she had her period, and when I asked her about it, she lied and said she hadn't gotten it. I just let it go, the way I often let things go.
She graduated from high school early. She only needed one class her senior year, so when she finished in January, she moved out. We never had a fight, she just said she was moving to town. She did not tell me where she went. She did not call me with a phone number. Things didn't work out with her roommate, so Joy moved to California. Her oldest brother also lived there, so he kept an eye on her. She didn't call us, until she wanted us to pay for her wedding. We, although we were having trouble financially, gave her the dream wedding she wanted. She and her husband moved to Montana so she could go to college. Since we were not living there, we said she could live in our home rent free as long as she was in school. The home was completely furnished, even with food in the cupboard. They lived there even after she finished school, during which time they had 3 children, and we never charged them any money. Our son and his family also moved there, after he finished school. They moved about 6 miles away from our home. After our son moved there, our daughter changed. It was clear that she did not like our son's children. She would not spend holidays with our family. They had lived in our house for 11 years, and B and I went home to visit. We were heartsick. The storm door was blowing in the wind, the glass had been broken out. It was clear that the grass hadn't been mowed all year. The whole place was in shambles. The chandellier over the table was broken. Someone had parked a motorcycle on my living room rug, and got grease all over it. Their dog had had puppies on my sofabed. I cried. B and I told them that they had to move or pay rent . They moved and never told us where they went. They cleaned out our entire house when they moved- all our belongings are in their new home, which by the way, she keeps spotless. We tracked them down, and started a tenuous relationship again. I also would like to say that Joy's husband loves our family. He told B several times that he is more like a father to him than his own. Our entire family has tried to come to an understanding about this. My Aunt, who is a counselor, says that it is that she is jealous. My daughter-in law thinks that it is because she is not happy with her life, and that she doesn't have to pretend if she isn't around us. All I know, is that this time she has to be the one who wants a relationship. We have gone to her time after time, and then she just dismisses us out of the blue. All I can say is that this is in the Lord's hands, and that he is in control.
I won't go to her this time. It just gives her power over me, and will lead to us being brokenhearted again.
Shadow
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Post by Mayberry on Oct 17, 2007 15:20:38 GMT -5
I am so sorry, Sunshine. I am just so terribly sorry for this pain in your life, and in B's life, and in your daughter's life. (Much love)
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