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Post by rockwell on Dec 12, 2007 10:37:01 GMT -5
Paul, That was a nice prayer. You are doing the right thing.
Rock
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Post by Johannes on Dec 12, 2007 21:20:39 GMT -5
Paul,
I do think you're doing the right thing: acknowledging the acting-out fantasy, and then letting it go as well as possible.
Maybe this can help: remember that being loving and compassionate towards your best friend from grad school includes not sexualizing or romanticizing her.
I am very excited about your interview!!
Let's all recover,
Johannes
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Post by Paul on Dec 12, 2007 22:05:09 GMT -5
Maybe this can help: remember that being loving and compassionate towards your best friend from grad school includes not sexualizing or romanticizing her. That does help, Johannes. Sexualizing and romanticizing a person puts a burden on the relationship and puts an unwitting burden on them. I wouldn't want to do that to my good friend. Peace, Paul
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Post by rockwell on Dec 13, 2007 10:03:31 GMT -5
Paul,
You get wiser by the day. Stay sober so you can stay wise.
rockwell
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Post by Paul on Dec 13, 2007 10:27:28 GMT -5
I'm doing much better now.
Lately, I've been talking with a friend at work who is something of a "soul friend" for me - also a vegetarian, also serious about her faith, having similar political beliefs and having similar marital problems. We've been able to draw on each other's strength, wisdom and empathy. This is really helpful for me.
Still clean!
Paul
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Post by Paul on Dec 14, 2007 18:07:22 GMT -5
Clean today and ready for the weekend.
I've been given an assignment at work but haven't made much progress with that. (Frustrating, but I'll try to get something done this weekend.)
Want to hang my Christmas lights and put up the tree this weekend also! Gotta do some shopping, too!
My wife is in bed sick and needs caring, too, so hopefully this will be a healing weekend for us as well ...
Paul
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Post by Paul on Dec 15, 2007 14:07:10 GMT -5
So much for a healing weekend. She's being cantankerous again. Trying not to let it affect my mood.
Clean today.
Paul
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Post by Johannes on Dec 15, 2007 14:28:14 GMT -5
Paul,
Just sending out a few support thoughts.....I'm sorry to hear about the continuing marital roller coaster ride. I am confident, though, that you can reach out to people that are close to you, and share your pain with them. (Does this sound too pat? I *will* admit I am biased--my sense is that your wife is not the person who is closest to you.)
Johannes
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Dec 15, 2007 19:09:14 GMT -5
Hey paul, keep working toward your goals. Try to stay positive, I know in myself frustration leads to taking my anger out on others, and thus affecting my recovery.
Wish you well
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Post by Paul on Dec 17, 2007 16:56:25 GMT -5
Here's a great Advent quote from my devotional reading for today: [/i][/ul] Sobriety has reawakened hope in my heart. Hope for a better life, hope for more caring relationships, hope that I can aspire to real goodness. I'm leaving the sewer behind forever and I'm determined to lead a redeemed life from now on. Clean today. Paul
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Post by choselife on Dec 17, 2007 17:32:22 GMT -5
Very good post, Paul. One thing that I need now is the sense of hope, as I have been making decisions which only lead to a sense of hopelessness.
CL
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Post by rockwell on Dec 18, 2007 17:28:29 GMT -5
Hi Paul,
Stay strong. You are doing right despite the hardships you face. You do not walk alone.
rock
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Post by Paul on Dec 19, 2007 6:54:05 GMT -5
Yesterday marked my eighth week clean. I'm thanking God for this wonderful gift.
My relationship with my wife has been good since Sunday. My decorating the house has gotten her more into the spirit of the season and she's being friendly and generous (thinking about what gifts to get for different people). Yesterday, however, I also found her crying because she couldn't bring herself to put her nursing-related ornaments on the tree. (She's an RN, but she's been unable to work since April because of her medical conditions. Her work has been a source of pride for her and she's heartbroken that she can't do it any more.) Sometimes she seems so fragile and helpless and I'm glad that I can be a source of comfort and strength to her - co-dependent but true!
I have to remind myself that, with her personality disorder, this closeness and caring can suddenly give way to bickering and rage. I can't allow myself the delusion that things are finally right between us and will always stay that way. More tantrums will come - more bitterness, more hard feelings. If I expect this, I won't be caught off-guard and I'll be less tempted to seek solace in P.
Staying clean today.
Paul
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Post by rockwell on Dec 20, 2007 13:31:02 GMT -5
Paul,
Great foresight. Keep planning ahead for those triggers with an action plan and you will be ok. Great 8 weeks as well! And thanks for all your encouragment in my journal recently.
rockwell
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Post by Paul on Dec 23, 2007 3:14:31 GMT -5
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