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Post by johannes3 on Oct 18, 2007 17:02:17 GMT -5
Sounds like a good time to send more supportive thoughts your way...
Let's all recover,
Johannes
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Post by Bill Swan on Oct 18, 2007 18:32:38 GMT -5
Well that all just sucks doesn't it. I don't mean to sound flip. or sarc. I really mean it.
My mom is losing her mind as well. She's 78 and disappearing. She's not much of the woman we all remember. I'm sorry about your dad. Dad's are a very treasured thing. I lost mine a couple years ago. What I wouldn't do to have one more word with him. He was a great man and I remember him fondly.
Try not to let your wife get to you too much. Find some strength. Find a quiet place and recharge. Don't use it up on her. Just remember how she is and let it go. When my wife is being a drag I usually find that if I wait until tomorrow she's improved and loving again.
All my best,
Bill
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Post by Paul on Oct 18, 2007 21:36:22 GMT -5
Thanks to both of you for your supportive thoughts. Wise advice, Bill. Don't act rashly - wait until tomorrow.
Paul
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Post by Paul on Oct 23, 2007 16:46:24 GMT -5
Relapsed last night. Visited a P site after my wife went to bed and MBed. I see where I failed-- in fact I watched myself fail with every escalating step. I could postulate excuses, but that's all they'd be. I chose the wrong things and I'm ashamed of myself.
Paul
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Post by witness on Oct 24, 2007 4:26:16 GMT -5
Paul, Have you ever tried the online course at Recovery Nation? It is free. I like how he talks about the cycle of addiction. I found it very informative and insightful. Not to mention liberating. There is hope! You and I don't have to remain in this destructive cycle. We have a choice. God bless! W.
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Post by rockwell on Oct 24, 2007 13:03:05 GMT -5
Paul,
I am so sorry to read about your dog's death. I know what that is like because I have experienced it twice. They give so much and take nothing from us. They are our best friend and they don't talk back to us. They just love us.
And to read about the stress with your wife and your father's memory issues. You have a lot on your plate now. But I can see that you are a man of faith. Tap into your spiritual resource and give it all to the LORD. I know a comforting passage that says this:
"Cast all your cares on him, because he cares for you."
All of these stresses can be triggering as you well know. I will pray for you. Perhaps just knowing Gods presence is there even when we think we don't deserve it can be of great comfort.
rock
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Post by Paul on Oct 25, 2007 22:45:31 GMT -5
Thanks, Rock and Witness. I'm back to my touchstones of recovery, particularly daily devotional reading and prayer.
Clean yesterday and today.
Paul
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Post by Paul on Oct 30, 2007 22:12:42 GMT -5
Clean today.
We adopted a rescue dog today. 10 years old and 9.2 pounds. She's very cute, but she growls at me a little. Right now, though, she's snoring next to me.
Life is pointless if we don't spend it giving love to our fellow creatures. I miss my sweet Sadie. I hope I'll see her again in time. But here's Fergie and she needs care and attention. Thanks, God, for giving me a big, tender heart and the capacity to love so widely and so deeply.
Paul
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Post by Paul on Oct 31, 2007 22:09:57 GMT -5
Gratefully clean today.
Paul
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Post by Johannes on Nov 1, 2007 20:28:27 GMT -5
Why is CV not doing his job, which would be to post this as a board gem?
Fergie is one lucky rescue dog.
Peace. No stop, I really really want to say (without any irony, honestly), "grace and peace."
Johannes
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Post by Paul on Nov 4, 2007 22:47:43 GMT -5
Clean today. A good service at church followed by a walk with the dogs and honest work painting my house. Then I paid scads of bills while my wife watched TV. The last made me a little edgy. My wife hasn't worked since April and debt is very gradually mounting despite tapping my retirement accounts a few times. We need to sell this house since we're now a one-paycheck family. And I need a better paying job. May have to sell my piano, eventually ...
But sobriety is a gift -- and I won't allow that to be touched by my problems today!
Paul
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Post by Paul on Nov 6, 2007 23:34:42 GMT -5
Clean today.
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Post by Paul on Nov 7, 2007 21:22:49 GMT -5
Clean today, also. I made a good effort at not objectifying the women I saw today and did a pretty good job of it -- where I often fail terribly. That has weakened my boundaries before and I really want to get past this one-or-two-weeks-clean-then-relapse cycle I've been in. Silly, but when I notice there is an attractive woman near me I now look away and internally say "God bless you" toward her. This changes her from an in-my-dreams-potential-partner to just another creature loved by God. That keeps me from ramping up my addictive thinking and reminds me of God's presence and grace. Making temptation an opportunity for prayer, however brief or simple.
Paul
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Post by Johannes on Nov 7, 2007 21:37:06 GMT -5
Paul,
One of the most gratifying recovery experiences I've had is when I'm around people, and instead of objectifying them, actually *see* them. It's truly amazing how much beauty I then discover.
When you see an attractive woman and then see her as "just another creature loved by God," do you also find how your gaze completely changes, becomes loving and caring?
So, you wanna break the cycle? For me, the only way to break it is to communicate communicate communicate. Write write write. Speak speak speak.
Be well,
Johannes
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Post by Johannes on Nov 7, 2007 21:38:21 GMT -5
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