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Post by rockwell on Nov 4, 2007 17:17:30 GMT -5
HI Greg - thanks for your post in my journal.
I am one of those people who uses "the voice" and just recently named mine. I call him the "serpent-beast."
I see what you are saying and your point of view. Using and naming the AV seems to be working for some people, perhaps not for others. If you are not comfortable using this technique for spiritual reasons that is understandable.
For me I feel I need to seperate my true self from this addict piece of me. Temptations come iun many forms. But you could use this technique and perhaps call it "my old nature" and the part of you that resists temptation as "my new nature." This way you use the same techniques but you are using biblical terminology. Hope this helps.
rock
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 5, 2007 20:58:47 GMT -5
Well its Monday!
Another day is done and I am still rollng through my recovery.
We had an issue with a child that is in our care this weekend. It is still being resolved but it was a stressful day especially for my wife.
I am very tired tonight and will be turning in soon. I am going to check out a few posts and then call it a night.
Gregg70
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 6, 2007 22:14:01 GMT -5
I am still plugging away through my course at SCF. I have just finished Day 4 and its a 60 day course so I will not conclude until sometime after the first of the year. It has some useful stuff but I am a few steps past these classes so far in my recovery. The things we are discussing, I have already dealt with. It is hard after you have poured your thoughts and feelings into this journal to re-write them in a classroom question and answer format. The verses are those that I would use to witness to someone therefore it is hard to take it seriously right now. The mentor that I email says that it will get interesting and admits that these first classes are going to be hard for me to work through right now.
My wife has had an emotional filled week thus far at work and with the situation with the child in our care. She is handling both well but it is draining her emotionally. I am thankful that this is not the week that we are fighting because I need to be there for her. I am glad that I am in recovery because I do not think I would have been able to see her emotions and I do not know if she would have been as easy to come to me with her situations had I still been the grumpy self centered ass I was.
There are so many things that make me thankful that I am in recovery. Life is alot easier for me in recovery than before. I am going to make it a point to remember these times if I ever feel the itch. It will be good to re-read this journal and it will be a big reminder of where I was and where I am to where I am going.
I thank God everyday for leading me to this point in my life. I thank him for giving me a most un-deserving chance to wipe the slate clean and begin anew. I give him thanks for my wife and family. I give him thanks for giving me the chance to share this with others.
Keep up the fight but do not forget to ask God to be in your corner. He is the best cut man in the business. There is not a cut he cant heal.
Gregg70
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 7, 2007 22:46:45 GMT -5
I wrote this entry in another members journal but I wanted to bring it overhere also to have in mine to reflect on it later. I think it is harsh but sometimes that is what we need to wake us up.
Quote: It seems that when men fall on this board it has a domino effect. I have not figured that out yet. Is it that one reads about the other and then they feel more tempted. Is it because we are "on a team" and we feel that "we are all in this together?" So that when one goes so goes the rest? I am not sure.
I think this also goes back to a point you and I have discussed before. There are alot of men here that slip and think oh well I will just admit it and start over again. We as a group more often than not pat them on the back and say "its ok you did not binge or leave the baord, you are here get back to recovery". Yes we are trying to support them but are we enabling them? Sometimes no because that is what they need to shake off the shame. But there are others that want us to say "hey you are back, lets get to recovery". I think that some men take that as "hey its ok". That is not what we mean but I think the overall approach that we give these men sometimes as a group tells the addict that its ok to slip.
There are not enough here that want to stand up and say "get your head out of your butt" when these men slip time after time. We need to be here for them to have accountability support, not enabling support.
We need to suggest and press these men to reflect more on the root causes and not just the run and hide tactics when a P urge comes on. We need to urge them to change routines, make new plans, and share them for feedback.
I think we sometimes use this board as our safehaven mancave environment. We come to hide from reality. This is not healthy. But, how do we change that behavior? I do not have the answer. I have to agree that when a few slip, its like a virus that spreads. I do think our approach to a few slips, breeds more.
Gregg70
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 7, 2007 23:22:18 GMT -5
The below is to be used in introductions, edit as needed.
*************************************************** I want to start by saying that you are not alone. You are not the only one here that is facing martial problems because of this addiction. There are familes lost, jobs lost, and minds lost due to the addiction. You are at the right place at this time. It will take alot of work to get you to where you want to be. Let me say that again, it will take alot of work to get you to where you want to be.
I went many years with my PA not effecting anyone in my life. It was almost hidden. I even went through long periods of time that it was non existant. But after 3 years of marriage, it came back. It was a little peak here, and little peak there. Then it was looking at least once a day. My wife finally caught me. She was hurt, angry, and digusted with me. My story is different from yours because I was able to stop and get help earlier perhaps and my wife did not choose to leave me. We have made alot of progress since my d-day. I have now went over 75 days P and MB free. I have not had any slips and I am a much better person all around.
I choose very early to attack the root causes of my addiction. Yes I was turning to P as a way to forget about work, stress, etc but what caused my stress and life to get to that point? I had to find out why. I soon discovered that in my childhood and teenage years, I ignored my feelings and emotions. I had a horrible relationship with my Father, and I soon began not to trust anyone but myself. I soon became self absorbed and the PA began.
By attacking my addiction this way, it has been easy for my to identify triggers. I have also learned more contructive ways to deal with stress. Most of all, I have learned how to communicate with others in a more constructive and meaningful way.
Here are my suggestions. You will read and get alot of advice form many here. It is up to you how you choose what path to follow towards recovery.
Write a journal. Be honest with yourself. Respect yourself. Read all the articles at the homepage and the 10 keys. Post here regularly.
If you need real life accountability, join a local support group. There are also other websites that have articles. I am Christian so I am suggesting 2 sites to view. The first is intense and if you are not into religion, it will not be much benefit: settivecaptivesfree.com The second has some religious overtones but it is good reading even for an athiest because of the approachs and suggestions included in the articles: blazinggrace.org
I wish you luck in your journey. Please feel free to read my journal. You can comment there also if you like. Please be respectful to some member's journals as not all enjoy outside feedback.
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Post by rockwell on Nov 8, 2007 9:59:26 GMT -5
Gregg,
Having a welcome when new to this board is such a great way to start here and feel like people care. JohnG is very good about this and he was the first one to welcome me. There are a few others that do this. I think this is great that you are reaching out in this way. And also providing resources to help get men started.
rock
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 8, 2007 23:19:00 GMT -5
Rock, thanks for stopping in.
I do want to welcome in new members when I feel its appropriate. I see members like John G and others so this and I know it has to help. I have never did it before and have never thought about it that much until now. I know not every member is Christian here but I am. I want to share that in a non confrontational way. I think that it will at least let the new member know that there are members out there to turn to with those kinds of questions as well as the other views.
I by no means think of myself as an expert in anything. I just want to give new members a vote of support and offer them some resources and choices for recovery.
Its been another busy week at home and work. The holidays are coming.
Gregg70
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 11, 2007 21:21:59 GMT -5
This is a passage that my pastor shared with us at church today. Paul was trying to relay the message that we have to believe in the God but not the Godly images that are produced by man. He used to forgive time after time for sins but now the Lord can no longer look on this ignorance and sin the same way. We have to search the living God and accept that he gave us a way through the one that he allowed to die and then was resurrected. We have to search out Jesus and accept him. We can no longer sin as we used to.
Acts Chapter 17:
27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:
28 For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
29 Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man's device.
30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
31 Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.
God will judge us. He knows every single sin we commit in our mind, our heart, and our actions.
God can no longer view our repetitious sins. We have to search out Him and his son and accept His way. If we do not, we will never achieve Life.
I am not going to continue to create the same sins daily. I am not going to allow my PA to rule me. God is the only ruler of my life.
Gregg70
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Post by MrOuch on Nov 12, 2007 12:50:07 GMT -5
G70,
Ain't that the truth. I read your introduction for new members. What a great thing to have at the ready. It was nice to be greeted kindly when I first joined this board. Thanks for offering to do this. Keep up the good work.
MrOuch
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 12, 2007 23:04:25 GMT -5
Today was long and filled with opportunities for me to breakdowna and get mad, yell, pitch a fit, etc.
It was filled with frustrations, excitment, and anxiety.
We are attempting to get a new lease on a house and so that was fun filled. My wife thought she had the checkbook but our soon to be toddler daughter took the checks out and hid them. We had to run around and my wife had to make a second trip.
She was involved in an auto accident. She is fine praise God, and the car just has a few dents and scratches, really nothing major.
I had to travel 2 hours to take my son back to his mother. There was a traffic jam and we were backed up 10 plus miles. Yikes. So we were an hour late to the pickup/drop off point.
During this whole day, I did not lose my cool, did not blame anyone for anything, and did not get mad. I am a little amazed by it. It is far from where I used to be.
Gregg70
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Post by rockwell on Nov 13, 2007 12:53:54 GMT -5
What a relief, Gregg. I am glad your wife is ok. Its like we never know how much time we have on the good earth. Makes you appreciate life while you live it. Every, every minute.
rock
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Post by ≈ cease4peace ≈ on Nov 13, 2007 15:11:58 GMT -5
Glad to hear about it Gregg Glad to hear everything is fine, and especially, you kept your cool!
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 13, 2007 19:56:14 GMT -5
Simple post tonight. My wife went to the doctor for a follow up checkup from the wreck and all is well and baby to be was not harmed. We got pictures back of my daughter and they are wonderful. She is beautiful just like her mommy!
I am tired and mentally exhausted after the last two days. I am going to spend the evening with my wife and daughter and try to relax. I am in a good place and should be safe!
Gregg70
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woah
New Member
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Post by woah on Nov 13, 2007 20:12:08 GMT -5
Awesome! I'm glad that everything is ok with your wife and daughter.
You posted a link for blazinggrace.org earlier. I just visited that site and found alot of good stuff there. I recomend that to anyone.
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Post by MrOuch on Nov 14, 2007 1:23:12 GMT -5
Gregg70,
Wow! What a last couple of days for you and your wife. I'm very glad to hear that your wife, your daughter and your child in utero are all well. Also especially glad to hear that you're well as well. You have much to be thankful for in your life. LIttle bumps along the way reinforce this. I would tell you to keep everything in perspective, but you seem to be doing that already. Be clean.
MrOuch
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