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Post by wanttochange024 on Jun 27, 2007 11:00:08 GMT -5
"Our own thoughts can set us free if we but learn to utilize them." - Anonymous
I'm feeling very good today, I enjoyed the morning reading the Bible and working on my journal. I'm finding it easier to express my feelings and thoughts. This feels great.
Yesterday was a very good day (1).
Writing in my journal has been a great help in my recovery. As I continue to write in my journal, I will add quotes and Bible verses that seem to connect with what I'm thinking at the time. It's important to write down whatever I think and/or feel. I must be completely open and honest. I will write about the emotions that I'm feeling. After I complete an entry, I will review what I've learned and write down these thoughts. I will ask questions about my thoughts and emotions that might lead to solutions. I'll identify behaviors that I want to change. I'll re-read my journal to see how my recovery is progressing and write down achievements that I see.
I am making a commitment to have integrity. I will not keep secrets. I will be emotionally honest and truthful in all dealings. I recognize that a lie is any communication given with the intent to deceive. I'll be the same in public as I am in private. I'll take responsibility for any problem that I have created and do my very best to try to make things right. I'll keep commitments unless I've been released from them.
I will value myself and have compassion for others. Everyone, including myself, are of infinite worth. My behavior, for the most part, is learned. My misbehavior is almost always a symptom of some other problem. (P is an escape from emotional loneliness) FALSE BELIEF My behavior is almost invariably belief linked.
I make a commitment to grow. I'll increase the amount of time that I spend with my wife and family. I'll get more involved with social events and activities. I'll participate in more exercise.
I am free to choose. I will make good choices.
I'll trust my own instinct and my own intuitive responses. I'll be open to communication with God. I'll spend time with God each day. I'll feel my emotions. (If I feel like viewing P. I'll recognize this feeling. I'll ask for help from the LORD. I'll ask "How can I get rid of this craving?" I'll seek a solution(s).
I'll enjoy living this new lifestyle.
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13
I'm learning that I can always work on becoming a better person. I just need to be open and honest to my thoughts and feelings. Make good choices! Love God and those around me more than I love myself.
Why have I kept my emotions hidden from others? I was self centered and was not open and honest about my emotions. It's as if I thought that I would be less of a man if I was too emotional.
I do not want to continue the behavior of hiding my emotions from myself and others.
Sharing my emotions and being open and honest is one sign that I am a strong person, a strong man. Not a fake with false beliefs.
"Wrong turns are as important as right turns. More important sometimes." - Richard Bach
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by nm05 on Jun 28, 2007 3:31:00 GMT -5
Wtc,
I wanted to congratulate you on doing so well with your recovery. I also wanted to thank you for posting in my journal. Your support really means a lot to me. Your journal really makes me realize how much my introspection has been lacking. For that epiphany also I thank you. I pray that God may continue to bless you on this path of sobriety.
nm05
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jun 28, 2007 17:45:57 GMT -5
Thanks nm05, that means a lot to me. I pray that God will also continue to bless you on your path to recovery. If we all work together we can overcome anything.
Yesterday was a fairly good day. I had some thoughts try to sneak into my mind. These thoughts were redirected to other thoughts quickly. I'll give myself a (3).
Today I've been going back through my journal from 6/11 up to today to review the things that I've learned, to see if I have any questions, to find behaviors I want to change and mark any achievements that I have made.
I'm fighting a battle for my life. I have learned to listen to God and accept his message. I have several wounds in my life, not all the wounds were my fault. But, some of the choices I've made were not good choices. I must take responsibility for my addiction, make changes and sacrifices to put my sobriety first. Do not fall to complacency!
Withdrawal symptoms will arise, make good choices when they do. Beware of restlessness, anxiety and mood swings. You are not alone anymore, don't mistake being alone as loneliness. Recognition of the first thought is critical to influence the ability to fight off a craving. Relapse is much less likely to happen if you can remove the source, the trigger, from the situation.
My wife's support is the single most important influence involved in my recovery. My wife has had to sacrifice her trust in me, deal with loneliness from my lack of affection for her and feelings of uncertainty that I will return to PA behaviors. I will do better identifying my wife's feelings and emotions. I will show her more LOVE and compassion. I will do better at understanding her and her desires. I can not gain intimacy from an outside source like P. Intimacy can only come from a true physical and emotional closeness that I share with my wife. More often I will tell her "You are lovely", "I delight in having you as my wife", "How grateful I am to share my life with you" she is truly the best thing in my life. Thank you God for bringing her into my life.
Return to read the entry on 6/20 in your journal. Make good choices. Read this when you are tempted.
Be Kind! Live Well! Think Good Thoughts! Make Good Choices!
Life is to short!!!!
I'm feeling good today, a few thoughts quickly redirected. I need to go back and re-read the post on 6/20, which deals with giving into old behaviors, over the next week or so. I've done a lot of thinking and working on my recovery over the dates that I've re-read today. Re-reading this section in the future is very important in the process of my recovery.
1 Corinthians 10: 23-24 "Everything is permissible"- but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"- but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
I pray that God will bless everyone on this support board as they walk their path of recovery. Thanks be to God.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jun 28, 2007 18:20:15 GMT -5
6/20 POST
I am weak. I can not stop. Nobody understands how hard I'm working on this. My old behaviors are to strong. Temptation is everywhere. It's so easy to give in.
I feel weak, because it's so hard for me to stop the thoughts of P coming into my mind. This belief is false. I'm not weak, I'm strong. I've spent to many years with these thoughts. I can change these thoughts. Accepting that I'm weak gives me authority to give in to viewing P. - The next time you think you are weak; realize all the things that you have done in your life that took strength. Admitting PA, returning to God, loving my wife, starting a family, being a good father.
I can not stop. I feel like I can't stop these thoughts and that I can't stop giving in to these thoughts. This belief is false. I can stop. I have stopped. Accepting that I can not stop give the authority to give in to viewing P. - The next time I feel like I can't stop. Stop and count the number of days that you have stopped. Then count the number of reasons you have to stop. (Then you will have stopped, for this time at least)
Nobody understands how hard I'm working on this. I feel alone in this fight a lot of the time. I feel like nobody knows how hard recovery from PA is. This belief is false and you know it. There are many, many people going through the same thing that I'm going through. Each one knows how hard we all work to overcome PA. - The next time you feel like nobody understands how hard you are working to overcome PA. Come to this support board and count how many people come to this site, each one knows how hard you are working to overcome PA. Don't give this false belief the authority to give in to view P.
My old behaviors are too strong. I've had these behaviors for over 25 years, they are such a part of who I am that I can not fight and overcome them. This belief is false. These behaviors are not who you are, they are not who you want to be. Accepting that these behaviors are to strong give authority to view P. - The next time you feel that these behaviors are too strong think of all the things that you could lose by giving into these behaviors. You could lose the love of your life, the chance to be a good father, the chance to live the life that God wants for you, your job and career, your livelihood, your identity, everything.
Temptation is everywhere. How can I overcome these thoughts when everywhere I go I see temptation. This is a false belief. Not everything is tempting, only your thoughts let these things become tempting. Remember P is not real, the things that you've seen in P over and over and over are not real life. - The next time you feel temptation is everywhere stop and realize how many years you've viewed P and how this has changed your perception. Then think about how P is not real and that you can not let unreal things change your perception of what is truly real. Life is real.
It is so easy to give in. I've given into these thoughts so many times it's just easier to give into them again. This belief is false. It is not easy to give in and when you think it is easy to just give in you are authorizing yourself to give up. If you continue to give up you will only make it harder the next time that you feel temptation. - The next time you feel it is easier to just give in and view P you should think about all the things that you are giving up bu giving in to view P. You are giving up on recovery. You are giving up on your loving wife. You are giving up on being a strong father. You are giving up on your relationship[p with God. You are giving up on life.
Don't Give Up!
Fight the good fight!
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jun 29, 2007 11:15:27 GMT -5
Today makes 90 days, one more day makes three month, ten more days makes 100 days - two of my goals. I don't think that I'll begin to feel truly in control until I pass 465 days or more. I must remain strong in this fight and not give in to complacency. The change that I'm making is for the rest of my life.
My wife is still gone and I miss her smiling face. I'll be going to visit her Saturday as she has a couple of days off. I'm looking forward to this visit. Then it will be another week before she returns home. I'm so grateful to have her as my partner in this life. I'm so grateful to God for bringing us together.
Yesterday was a good day (2) I want to look at how much I've been thinking about P. So here is a record from 6/11 to today, 1 is very little - 10 being way too much: 6/11 (2) 6/12 (2) 6/13 (5) not good 6/14 (5) not good 6/15 (2) 6/16 (2) 6/17 (2) 6/18 (2) 6/19 (10) very close to a slip 6/20 (10) very close to a slip 6/21 (10) very close to a slip 6/22 (10) very close to a slip 6/23 (1) 6/24 (1) 6/25 (2) 6/26 (1) 6/27 (3) 6/28 (2) Out of 18 days I've thoughts about P way too much on 4 of those days, had several thoughts about P on 2 days and keep my thoughts under control on 12 of those days.
I've already looked at the four days from the 19th - the 22nd and have learned some important things about myself and my recovery. However, I came as close to slipping during those days as I've come since I've started my recovery.
I plan on keeping up with my thoughts for a while to give me an overall view in hopes that it will help in my recovery.
Psalm 51: 10-12 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Thanks be to God.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 2, 2007 16:10:20 GMT -5
I haven't posted since Friday, 6/29 (4), 6/30 (3), 7/1 (9) The thoughts have been stronger the past few days than they have been in about a week. That's seems to be the pattern, a fairly good week without to many thoughts and then a week with more thoughts. I have to stay on top of my thoughts so that they don't get out of hand and I revert back to my PA behaviors. I've come so far over the past three months that going back now seems to not make any sense. However, all the time that I've spent using PA behaviors it would be easy to fall back into the old beliefs and behaviors. I will do my best to stay ahead of the old beliefs and behaviors.
I had a good visit with my wife this past weekend, she is still away working for another week or so. I'm feeling good today, just started a remodel job on my bathroom. I've got some other projects in the works as well. This should keep me busy over the next few weeks. Staying busy seems to help keep my thoughts in check.
Wes, has started a accountability circles board that I'm thinking about joining if I can find a few members that seem to be in a similar situation. If you are interested let me know.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 4, 2007 14:44:10 GMT -5
Feeling strong today, it feels good to be P free. 7/2(2), 7/3(1) If my resent pattern continues I should be looking at a few more good days then I'll need to be watchful for more thoughts that tend to turn to P. Not that I don't try to keep my thoughts in check everyday, but this seems to be the pattern lately. However, I can only focus on the here and now.
Matthew 6: 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Monday I listened to a sermon posted by james78 on a thread called a good listen. The sermon P/ Slaying The Dragon really made me think about my PA. I've been fighting this battle for some time now. But only in the past three months have I come out from hiding to fight this battle. I wanted to post a few thoughts that I had after listening to this sermon.
James 1: 14-15 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived; it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death
When I am tempted by my desire (my false beliefs) and dragged away and enticed (giving authorization to these beliefs to view P). After I give in and view P, this is now a sin. After continuing this sin it leads to death. I must remove this filth, this evil called P and humbly repent toward God. For it is my soul and the soul of my unborn child that are at stake. I humble accept the world given to me by God, which can save me.
The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
1 Peter 5: 6 Humble yourselfs, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
James 5: 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
I don't want to feel loss, loss of a loved one. Do you than want to feel the loss of the LORD? No, I will make wise choices, I will not use my freedom to indulge in filth. I choose faith expressed through love. How wonderful to feel this way for the LORD.
Thanks be to God.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by nm05 on Jul 5, 2007 0:29:23 GMT -5
Hey wtc, it's so great to hear that you're doing so well. Congratulations on 3 months free. I'm happy to hear that your fight is going so well. You're in my prayers and thoughts. May God continue to bless you on your path to freedom.
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 5, 2007 18:15:18 GMT -5
Feeling very good today, I've had several good days this week. I'm so grateful for every moment that I have with out the filth (P). Yesterday was a good day 7/4 (1).
I've been spending a little more time on the support boards the past few days. I'm still only going to certain post or journals. I've joined an accountability circle and I'm looking forward to see how this work in my recovery.
Thanks for your support nm05, it means a lot when someone post a message of support in my journal.
One of the threads that has helped me over the past three months has been the monthly goal threads that I or valjean started. The make it through July thread already has 20 members signed on with the same goal to make it through July. Wow!
There are several members on this support board that are having a great influence on the way my recovery is going. Thank you so much for your support.
God, I'm so grateful that you brought me to this support board. I'm so grateful that you brought my wife into my life. I'm so grateful to have open communication with you LORD.
Thanks be to God.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 7, 2007 16:17:57 GMT -5
7/7/07
Yesterday was a very tempting day with some major struggles with lust. (10) 7/5 (1)
Summer time and I keep seeing women in bikinis. This leads to tempting thoughts, these thoughts can sometimes return old beliefs (false beliefs). I must stay on top of these thoughts and false beliefs before they turn into behaviors.
Galatians 5: 16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
The only consistent way to overcome the sinful desire of our human nature (the flesh) is to live step-by-step in the power of the Holy Spirit as He works through our spirit. Walking each moment by faith in God's word under the Spirit's control assures absolute victory over the desires of our sinful nature.
God supplies both the desire and the enablement to accomplish His will. We only need to appropriate what He supplies.
As I struggle in my recovery I should confess my sins to Christ then concentrate not so much on avoiding sin as on maintaining my relationship with Him. After all, He has come to keep us from sin (1 John 2: 1,2). But if I turn away from Him and give in to sin, then I can neither see Him working in my life nor know the joy of His presence.
I must be on guard against sinful tendencies. Those who have mastered these sinful desires are those who have kept their focus on God.
I pray that all of us on this support board will live by the Spirit, may we all open our hearts to His Spirit, and walk step-by-step with Him on our path to recovery. May we humble ourselves, repent of our sins and pray for His forgiveness of our sins. May we have faith in God's Spirit to lead us all to victory over the desire of our sinful nature.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 8, 2007 12:01:57 GMT -5
I'm feeling good today, yesterday was a good day as well 7/7 (2).
I've been dealing with the issue of lust. I realize that I'm going to see women that are dressed in ways that are tempting to me. My perception has always been, look at her, wow, she is sexy. Look at her (what ever), man I would like to (what ever). This perception got it start from my father, Friends, fraternity brothers, and other men that I've known. It seems that when men are together and see a nice looking woman, they feel that they must think this way and/or make some type of comment about the perception they have of women, to be seen as a real man.
I'm making a commitment to myself to change my perception and how I view women. I think it's okay to look at a woman and think that she looks nice. It's not okay to look at a woman and view her as some type of sex object for my viewing pleasure and for the thoughts of my sinful desire.
I'm wondering and thinking that my early exposure to sex has built this false perception in to my beliefs. I know watching P has caused me to view women in this way. This false perception helps build my false beliefs and my false beliefs give me the authority to give in to PA behaviors.
Realize this false perception you have of women is just that. Seeing a sexy woman is not going to lead to anything, you don't want it to lead to anything. I have a great and wonderful life with the most wonderful wife I could ever dream. Realize your false perception and change it to a new true perception. Yes, that woman is very nice looking. That's all. End of story. It's not fair to anyone for you to lay your false perception upon her. It's not fair to her, your wife, your self, your life or your recovery.
Now, when I'm around other men that use this false perception, I will lead them to see that it is a false perception that they are having. If the woman is nice looking, agree, but remind the other men that's all. Would they want some guy talking, thinking, perceiving their wife, daughter, sister ... the way they are this woman? Most likely they would not.
Change Your Perception!
I need to enjoy life more and stay away from negative thoughts and problems that steal my joy. I must remember that God's own Spirit lives in us, be careful and more selective about what I think, read, watch, say and do. Evil thoughts and actions are temptations for us all. Moment-by-moment repeat to God your gratefulness. Enjoy life, have a joyful attitude, smile and stand tall with confidence.
Ephesians 5: 18-20 be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the LORD, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our LORD Jesus Christ.
Thanks be to God.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 11, 2007 10:41:28 GMT -5
I haven't posted in a few days, feeling good today and have had several good days since the 6th. 7/8 (1), 7/9 (1), 7/10 (1) The 9th was my 100th day, another goal that I was shooting for. However, it past without to much notice, I've been focused on each day, each moment. Because I've had several good days I'm trying to stay aware of my thoughts and watch for that next temptation. The pattern lately has been 7 to 10 good days with 1 to 3 days of struggle. Praying for strength and knowledge to overcome this next struggle.
I've been very busy the last few days with work and the remodel job on my bathroom. The bathroom is coming along and should be finished in a few days. Looking forward to having things back to normal. That's all I've got for now, I'll try to come back a post again in a day or so.
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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Post by want2quit22 on Jul 11, 2007 12:23:04 GMT -5
Hey want2change I just finished reading your journal. I have been struggling and I really liked the way you used several affirming statements in your journal in several of your posts. I think I may give this a try in my journal to help me. I am proud of your sobriety and ask for your prayers in mine. Stay Strong. You are better than this addiction and you deserve all the best. Through His Strength want2quit
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 14, 2007 16:06:27 GMT -5
It's been several day since my last post. 7/11 (1), 7/12 (4), 7/13 (5) I've had a couple of days this week where I struggled with temptation. I must be aware of what I looking at each moment. Seeing can be the beginning of temptation.
I've been fairly busy the past few days with the remodel job on my bathroom. Glad to say that everything is done except a few small details. It looks great if I must say.
Job 31:1 "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
Recognize that the eye is the main avenue for temptation!
COMPANIONSHIP I've been thinking about my wife and how supportive she's been during the last three and a half months of my recovery. I'm so lucky to have her companionship in my life. She has brought about some changes for the better in my life. She lead me back to my Spirit and soon she will make me a father when our son arrives in about 50 days or so. With her I have greater productivity, access to immediate assistance, human comfort and security. Everyone fails in life at some time or another. If you are alone in failure, the results can be devastating. By working in partnership, we have a buffer against failure. It's less likely to occur, and when it does occur, your companion is there to console and to help you get back on track.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Over the next week I plan on limiting the amount of time I spend on the computer and where I go. I plan on checking email and posting in my journal, circle and the monthly thread. I've got several things that must get done next week and I can't waste time.
want2quit22, thanks for stopping by my journal. I pray that the Spirit will help you in your recovery. As you struggle may you find a path that leads you away from your temptations. I pray the Lord will guide you in the direction He wants you to go. May you be filled with the Spirit moment-by-moment.
Think Good Thoughts! wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jul 15, 2007 17:11:30 GMT -5
Yesterday was a good day, just a couple of tempting thoughts that were quickly redirected. 7/14 (2) Feeling strong today, today is a good day to be P free!
I've been thinking about a pure heart today, this is an area that I must work on.
Matthew 5: 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Hebrews 12: 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Christ rose from the dead, and we who are in Christ are promised a new life after death - a new life replete with a new spiritual body to dwell in the splendor of God's heaven.
Death be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so, For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow, Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.... One short sleep past, we wake eternally, And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die. -John Donne Holy Sonnets
Therefore, keep your heart pure!
Think Good Thoughts!
wtc024
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