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Post by Big Country on Dec 6, 2007 18:18:12 GMT -5
Well, I have internet access for today, so I am going to take advantage of it.
To those of you who are posting on this thread for the first time, the best I can offer you is the knowledge that I know there is hope to overcome this addiction. Whether you are the spouse or the addict, there is hope.
The challenging truth is that it is difficult and requires alot of changing of who you are. If you want to remain in both worlds, putting forth an appearance that you have everything togeather and having the addiction in private, well, good luck with that.
The way to beat this addiction is to become someone completely different than you are now and to turn your life over to the Lord. The good news is that it doesn't happen all at once and just wanting it is good enough to start.
The other benefit is that the person you will have to eventually become is someone who is happy, self-confident, loving, considerate of others, non-judgemental, supportive, service oriented, worthy, a good spouse and a better parent.
We are all here to support you, just stick around because it sometimes takes a while.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 6, 2007 18:40:20 GMT -5
I also wanted to report back on a question I had a few weeks ago in regards to telling someone else of my addiction. I have been rooming with a guy while our families were moving out here and we have become pretty good friends.
We have been car pooling too work and I mentioned that I couldn't on Thursdays because I have a meeting I attend. He jokingly asked if it was the addiction recovery meeting. I told him it was and he kind of got embarrased.
The next morning on the drive to work, he apologized for making me uncomfortable and said he admired me for doing something about it. We had a good conversation and he said if I ever needed anyone to talk to, even if it was 4 in the morning, I could call him.
He is a great guy and I think the Lord has blessed me with a bit of a support system out here already.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 7, 2007 12:07:53 GMT -5
BC good to hear things are working out. What I got from your post was that the fear of recriminations that we are taught to have are so often unfounded and they hold us back. I am so very happy that you were confident enough to answer the man honestly. I think what I am finding is that often opens the door for them to share personal struggles and pain of their own. We are all brothers and sisters.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 8, 2007 16:55:13 GMT -5
Very short window with internet access, just wanted to report that all is going well and have had no relapses. Hopefully this situation will be remedied next week and I can start to post meaningful post. Thank you all for your support.
Oh yeah, went to my 12 step group this week, once again the only male and the sister missionaries were there. Anyway, it had been a couple weeks and they seemed genuinely glad to see me. One commented on how much me pressence helped her. I think between this forum and my support group, my support network is really growing and giving me hope.
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zenzx
New Member
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Post by zenzx on Dec 10, 2007 0:39:42 GMT -5
Bah. I took the sacrament today, (even as I am taking it off the tray I hear a voice saying you shouldn't be doing that). As I ate the bread it literally tasted bitter. This is average, all-american white bread, tasting bitter. There was even a slight stinging feeling, like the kind of stinging when you eat citris with a cut on your lip.
It was just so...tangible. This has only reinforced my feeling that I have kept up the charade long enough. I think....I think I need to get serious about this, and about serving a mission.
So here is my new goal guys, I am going to speak with my bishop this Sunday. No excuses. Then I'm going to come back and tell you.
(I tell you this so that I have a reinforcement and an obligation that I must meet with him.)
I also just broke after almost completing five days. Gosh I feel like a wreck.
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tw45
New Member
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Post by tw45 on Dec 10, 2007 17:58:50 GMT -5
Hey zenzx
Just want to encourage you. Its great that you are finally ready to see your bishop. In my experience you will be very relieved and grateful once you actually get it out in the open. Just one thought though, why wait almost a whole week. He would probably be willing to see you any time. Anyway I know that it is not an easy thing and it takes a lot of courage. Congratulations on making the commitment now follow through.
All the best
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Post by Big Country on Dec 10, 2007 21:09:01 GMT -5
Zenzx,
I appreciate the committment. I will be looking for your post soon. This is a long hard battle, but the Lord does promise us that he will give us what we need. Congrats on starting so young. I wish I had these resources available to me at 19 that are out there today.
Come back here often, we have all been there and can offer support and advise.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 11, 2007 22:19:28 GMT -5
Just checking in today, it's late and I need to get to bed. Had a very small temptation when a woman at the store decided to try on a shirt she liked right there on the floor. I wasted about 1/2 a second of my life before I realized what was going on and about another 2-3 seconds deciding that I wasn't going to look back. Beyond that, life is good. I look forward to tomorrow when I hit 50 post. I plan on making two tomorrow. Thanks CV.
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Post by ladybug71 on Dec 13, 2007 17:04:04 GMT -5
Hi all! It's been a while since I posted on this thread, but it seemed like an appropriate place to share something I read yesterday. This is from Alma, Chapter 34: 37 And now, my beloved brethren, I desire that ye should remember these things, and that ye should work out your salvation with fear before God, and that ye should no more deny the coming of Christ; 38 That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you. 39 Yea, and I also exhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. I particularly liked verses 38 and 39, and here's why. First, the phrase "contend no more against the Holy Ghost" describes me quite a bit, I think. The Spirit tries to whisper to me to change, and to do things differently in my life, but I tend to be very stubborn. I don't WANT to change - it's hard, or I like doing things the way they are right now. (Just ask my wife how hard it is sometimes to get me to change!) My pride or stubborness often times get in the way of what the Spirit tells me to do. The verse also speaks of humbling ourselves. It takes humility for me to go before my Heavenly Father EVERY DAY and say "I am weak and I need your help." Especially after I've had several days/weeks of success at resisting temptations. I get complacent - "why do I need to pray today? I'm doing fine!" or I get to feeling that it is not as important for me to ask for help today because I've been doing so well... after several days of that thinking, though, my vaunted self-reliance gets me into trouble and I'm in danger of falling. And verse 39 is a huge "well duh!?" that is just so easy for me to overlook. The whole verse is great. Be "continually watchful" - recovery for me requires diligence EVERY DAY. I can't stop watching out for my actions/thoughts or I will quickly be on the wrong path. "unto prayer" - my lifeline, if only I would use it more and better. "temptations of the devil" - yeah - P use is EXACTLY what Satan would like me to get wrapped up in (again). It may seem appealing at times, but ultimately "he rewardeth you no good thing", i.e., porn doesn't give me anything really "good". Alma 32-34 in general has just been a treasure trove of useful information for recovery. Just thought I'd share this latest bit. Hope everybody is doing all right! lb
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 13, 2007 17:19:42 GMT -5
Amen ladybug
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of day, harden not your hearts. (Jacob 6:5; emphasis added)
Oh most merciful Father, help us bear up and move forward for our own good and those generations that we are damaging that follow behind on that dark path. We, thy sons here, cannot do this without Thee. Bless us, we plead, with the gifts of understanding and acceptance. We are weary with pain and shame.
amen!
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Post by Big Country on Dec 14, 2007 23:04:15 GMT -5
So I had an interesting conversation at my group last night. The concept of how LDS people view repentance came up. Basically, we have the 4 Rs with the last on being turning away from the sin and never doing it again. It is further emphasised with the belief that if we return to our sin we repented of, the former sins return.
For an addict, that's a pretty hard concept. But then the facilitator asked us how many sins had we repented for outside of our addiction that we never did again. While there are a few, I would guess that I could count them on one hand. I would bet most people in the church would feel that way too. Generally, overcomming our sins is a process that we slowly get better at.
I took a different interpretation of repentance that I would like you to consider. I think that if we relapse and quickly get back on track, I don't think that your former sins all return. I have relapsed and quickly have been able to get back to a pre-slip spiritual level. It is only when I give up do I feel like the former sins have returned. This is manifested by the fact that I almost immediately get down to my lowest level, like I had never left the addiciton. I pull myself out gradually, but when I give up I almost immediately get as bad as it has ever gotten.
This probably doesn't make much sense, but let me know if it sparks any thought.
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tw45
New Member
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Post by tw45 on Dec 17, 2007 16:49:35 GMT -5
Big country
I have thought about this alot also. One intrepretation that comes to mind is that the repentance for a particular sin is not truly complete until one gets to the point where it will not happen again. This requires a change of heart so that one no longer even has the desire for that sin. Maybe for some like Alma this may be an event but for most I think it is an ongoing process. So rather that seperate and distinct incidents of repentance over a particular issue maybe it is really just one evolving incident of repentance until our hearts have been truly changed in that regard. Just some thoughts and theories.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 17, 2007 16:51:21 GMT -5
BC, tw45, It sparked too much thought. I'm still processing.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 17, 2007 21:46:02 GMT -5
I'm still waiting for that great change of heart to where the sin has no attraction on me. While I can honestly say that I abhor the consequences of p in my life and can clearly see how intertwined they are, I still crave the drug. I do see a huge change in my attitude toward it though, maybe my change of heart is just a little more gradual. I'd say my left and right atriums are changed, now I'm waiting for the other half. (If I got that wrong, that's the reason I'm not a rich doctor
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tw45
New Member
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Post by tw45 on Dec 18, 2007 15:45:55 GMT -5
BC
I can't say that I am totally there yet either but I have experienced periods when I really had no desire or craving for it including my current sobriety. Somewhere close to 3 months and I can honestly and gratefully say that so far it is almost like the switch has been turned off. I pray that it will continue this time.
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