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Post by Big Country on Nov 29, 2007 21:55:23 GMT -5
Thanks for the reply Corazon. I guess it's hard to relate exactly how I feel. I know that part of this cycle is a process of relapse and recommittment. I don't think that it's an option to repent and ask forgiveness over and over again. I guess I just think that not having the option of ever slipping again or everything is over would sure make me rethink my honesty policy that I have with my wife. I know for me that would be a huge detriment to my recovery.
Of course, I have never been on the other end of this and I have no idea what kind of hell this puts the spouses through.
P is not an option for me in my life. I know it brings nothing but unhappiness and isolation. That being said, I'm grateful for my wife's belief and patience with me.
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Corazon
Junior Member
CTR
Posts: 68
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Post by Corazon on Nov 30, 2007 14:02:06 GMT -5
Our situation may sound harsh to an outsider looking in, but it's what works for us, and my husband has over 4 years recovery. We are both happier for it.
That's not to say that it will work for everyone.
We look at it like this: Picture a fisherman, someone who has grown up with the sea; it provides his finance and his nourishment. His life is the sea. Now imagine that same fisherman gets an illness and doctors conclude that he has developed an allergy to the seafood he's depended on for sustenance his entire life. If he so much as takes a nibble, he'll die.
What should he do? Sneak a crab salad while he's home alone? Stop by the local fish market on his way from work and just sample a little?
It's toxic to him. Others can partake if they so wish, but to this fisherman it is poison and will kill him.
Porn is poison and will kill our marriage. A tiny nibble is unacceptable and must be avoided at all cost.
That's how it is for us. Is it not so toxic that it is killing you too?
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tw45
New Member
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Post by tw45 on Nov 30, 2007 16:32:17 GMT -5
I am not realy big on counting days but did happen to notice that today is 2 months free.
The last two months have been a breeze.
I wish I knew why it is relatively easy some times and other times it takes every single ounce of effort and yet it was not enough.
Perhaps it is due to the change of heart the scriptures speak of thus no longer a desire to do evil. I am optimistic that this is a process that has evolved in my life over the years and is finally beginning to show fruit.
It is almost scary to contemplate permanent freedom. I am curious if others have experienced similiar swings in their struggles and if they have any insight into what if anything it means.
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Post by Big Country on Nov 30, 2007 22:30:08 GMT -5
Corazon,
It was so toxic it nearly took from me everything I love. I am happy to hear anything that works for anyone, so I'm glad that it was what your husband needed. Who knows, maybe it was inspired for you to lay down such harsh consequences.
I'm just glad to be making progress and for the change I feel inside myself this last year. I really believe that I am going to make a full recovery. I couldn't have said that a year ago.
tw45, I usually have a pretty easy go about it when I have a particularly humbling relapse. those little glimpses of hell keep me straight for a little while. It's when things have been going great for a while that I lose sight of the goal. That's why I think this site will help me keep everything in perspective.
Good day today, I'm finally back with the family after three months and hoping to get my life back in order.
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zenzx
New Member
Posts: 26
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Post by zenzx on Dec 2, 2007 23:13:56 GMT -5
Corazon - that is a beautiful (in a tragic sorta way) example. And it's so very true. I wish we could all take that to heart and to our situation, but it is so very easy to forget what we are really doing to ourselves when the temptation comes.
tw45 - Congrats on two months!
Big Country - That is fantastic that you are back with your family. I can't even imagine what it was like to be away and now be able to come back.
(like tw45) I am not a big day counter (I always forget), but I just went back and counted and I am on day 17 right now. Today has been really challenging for me I don't know why. But I wanted to come post on the board before I turn off the computer (and run away from it). Anyways, keep posting guys (and gals). Keep on keepin on.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 3, 2007 11:04:49 GMT -5
We live the Gospel of forgiveness and not condemnation.
“The essence … of forgiveness is that it brings peace to the previously anxious, restless, frustrated, perhaps tormented soul.”(SWK)
There is NO shame in being a recovering addict. The only shame we need face is NOT being in recovery.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 3, 2007 17:01:39 GMT -5
I have not had internet access for the past couple of days. As a way to keep my committment of posting for 90 days, I have created an offline folder that I intend to post when I can get internet access again.
That being said, everything is going well for me right now. We moved into our new house this weekend and the movers broke quite a few things. Nothing too tramatic, but definatley a stress increaser.
I find that there is a delicate balance that needs to be kept with my wife back in town. Now that there is that "outlet", I find that I think about it a little more. In some ways it's easier to tell your body that there is no possibility so just push it out of your mind. I read a post a while back where a man decided to never instigate, but to let his wife know when she was ready. I think that might be a good policy, but very hard to keep, as I think about it considerably more than her.
Anyway, last night she had a bit of a headache and even though I was disappointed, I didn't try anything and we went to bed. I'm glad I didn't because it would have been a purely selfish act. That's not where I need to be right now.
Hopefully I will get internet access this week, so I can be more regular in my posting.
CV, I love your post on shame. I find it refreshing that by fighting this addiction, I no longer feel that shame I used to. It gives me a sense of empowerment and helps my self esteem to not have that hanging over my head.
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zenzx
New Member
Posts: 26
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Post by zenzx on Dec 4, 2007 14:50:28 GMT -5
Well...today was going to be 19 days but I just broke just a little while ago.
My main reason in posting this is I know, without any doubt I must tell my bishop that I still struggle with this (for those of you who didn't read my first post here, I came clean to him last summer, and never reported any slips since).
I'm so scared. I feel like a failure. He thinks I completely recovered...that I have been clean for over a year. What do I do....
Gosh I'm so scared.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 4, 2007 16:01:25 GMT -5
I'm so scared. I feel like a failure. He thinks I completely recovered...that I have been clean for over a year. What do I do.... Gosh I'm so scared. Its OK to be scared. I know how that feels. The fact that you are ready to go forward to him makes you a success, the failure would be in trying to continue hiding your sins and addiction. The Bishop has the mantle and the keys to discern what you need and for you is to trust that this servant of the Lord will do what is best for you and he will and with love. You know what to do. Pray for courage and strength and go and don't hold back.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 4, 2007 16:11:10 GMT -5
But behold, he did deliver them (the addicts) because they did humble themselves before him and confess to their priesthood authority; and because they cried mightily unto him and worked recovery with His help he did deliver them (those addicts) out of bondage caused by their addictions; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all addiction cases among the children of men who are addicted, extending the arm of mercy and blessings of sobriety towards them that put their trust in him and work faithfully their recovery programs. —Mosiah 29:20 (the addiction version by CV)
I am so very grateful today that the First Presidency has the inspiration to make the Addiction Recovery Program available through our Family Social Services branch of the Church, and that even those who dwelt as long in the wilderness as I did have the chance to come out to freedom. No, it has not been easy and no I do not think I have crossed over Jordan but off there on the horizon I see that promised land and I am going to get there ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER!
Want to come along?
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Post by justme123 on Dec 4, 2007 16:35:32 GMT -5
Hi, I'm new, I found this today while kind-of desperately searching for answers. My husband is addicted to P, has been since he was a small child. I feel helpless in helping him, and confused as to what to do to "sexually" with him, I never know what will help, or hurt recovery. He and I have been going to counseling for a few months, and I see little or no progress. I guess I would love some ideas from others wives, who have been there, and made it out. I Have been facing this for 8 years with my husband, this is the first time he has agreed to counseling. I really fear there is no way out.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 4, 2007 16:39:07 GMT -5
LDS addicts, when you look into that mirror do you wonder sometimes WHO you are and how you got to b? Do you long for the ability to look into the mirror without Self-condemnation and loathing and fear?
THIS is who we are. THIS is who we have forgotten. Heed brother Brigham who reminds us-
Every intelligent being on the earth is tempered for glory, beauty, excellency and knowledge here, and for immortality and eternal lives in the world to come. But every being who attains to this must be sanctified before God and be completely under the control of His Spirit. (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, 13:273)
That obviously precludes remaining in addiction. I want to be beautiful now and ever. I am beginning to remember.
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Post by icebreaker on Dec 5, 2007 12:14:36 GMT -5
Hi everybody,
I am LDS and iv been hooked on P- for several years now 7 years to be exact, which seems like forever. Thank you for all this info It really seams to help it keeps my mind free of others things bad things i mean. Im still new at this and I hope that I can continue to get help from all of you.
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Post by searching4freedom on Dec 5, 2007 14:47:23 GMT -5
I'm a newby,
But not to P/MB. Have been addicted since I was 13, even served a mission and struggle my whole two years with it. Spoke with my mission presidents about my struggles, and they encouraged me to stay in the mission field and try to fight it while serving the Lord. Hoping that would help... here I am, 7 years after my mission, still struggling every day. I have been married twice, currently with a girl I met from my mission and we have a 3 year old boy. I've got to tell you, like you all don't already know, but I can truly testify that P/MB WILL destroy one. I am over $80,000 in debt and don't even have a house; my Temple recommend expired probalby 6 years ago; my wife knows about it, and has for over a year, and it is tearing her apart; it affects my work as I can't remained focused; and I have no self respect. After my mission, I was going to school and teaching at the MTC, then less than a year later, I joined the Navy and was on a ship for 6 years. Talk about no support there. Here I am, out of the Navy, trying to restart my life as a civilian, and I've got this dang addiction that gets in the way of everything. I accidentally came across that website commercial link deleted, contact member if you want it. tiger and tried to download the manual, but I'm not sure how. I paid for it, just can't figure out how to download it. Anway, I'm looking forward to that as an added resource to help me beat this thing. I'm not really asking a question or anything, just introducing myself as a struggler amongst strugglers. Nice to meet you all.
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Post by SouthernGuy on Dec 5, 2007 17:25:00 GMT -5
Icebreaker and Searching4Freedom,
Welcome to the board! I'm new here also. Even though our individual stories/experiences may be different, we're all in the same boat, paddling upstream in the same fierce storm. We can beat this, but it will certainly take time and effort.
It's great to have you aboard!
SG
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