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Post by Curious Voyager on Nov 26, 2007 13:32:31 GMT -5
welcome unescorted and thank you for sharing and your testimony. I hope you will hang around and partake of and contribute to the fellowship.
How did you come to this board?
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Post by Curious Voyager on Nov 26, 2007 16:33:41 GMT -5
LDS recovery program news. But for the grace of God go we all. This article in Church News is about us addicts who fell farther and lost more than most of us here. I am so deeply grateful not to be numbered among these our brethren. Link is safe. www.desnews.com/cn/view/1,1721,260000934,00.html for some reason the link isn't working, I'll fix it later. Don't give up on me. OK- Copy and paste it into your browser location bar and it will come up.
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Post by Big Country on Nov 26, 2007 18:14:31 GMT -5
SG, thanks for your comments. I would reiterate your feelings where if I could choose to never have put my loved ones through the hell I did through my poor choices, I would do it in a heartbeat.
However, if I was given the option of only having myself suffer the consequences of my choices and no one else, I'm not sure I would have chosen to avoid this trial. I am a better man that I ever was because of some of the hard experiences I have had. I think it is like a person who is healed of blindness, they never cease to take amazement at what others just casually note.
Unescorted, thank you for your heartfelt post. You sound like you have a very intersting story that if you ever felt like sharing more in depth, I would love to read. I didn't lose everything, but I came close and I can't express my gratitude to my Savior enough that he allowed me to retain some of my undeserved blessings. I have never held a position of leadership in church and I certainly am not campaining for one either, but I do have a lot of reverence for people that hold that responsibility and give it their best. Where would most of us be without the love of an unselfish bishop.
Not to be judgemental in any way, but those trying to fight this addiction who don't believe in a higher power are trying to fight with one hand tied behind their back.
Thank you for all your posts.
CV, that is a great link and even though these men are in prison, it's not too hard to imagine how they feel.
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Corazon
Junior Member
CTR
Posts: 68
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Post by Corazon on Nov 27, 2007 0:23:18 GMT -5
I'm just stopping in briefly to say that I'm not ignoring the comment/question from Big Country directed to me ... I will post a response soon. Dang flu got me good and I'm still trying to recover from it.
It's nice to see all the recovering going on in here in the meantime. Well done.
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Post by Big Country on Nov 27, 2007 6:56:08 GMT -5
Corazon, I just want to clarify that those comments were strictly meant to gain a better understanding of what my wife may be feeling. They are by no means a judgement or attack on you. I have no idea where your life has taken you or what would be appropriate for your situation.
Thank you so much for your perspective and the time you take to help the rest of us in our recovery.
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tw45
New Member
Posts: 28
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Post by tw45 on Nov 27, 2007 13:21:22 GMT -5
I would just like to say that once again it gave me a great boost to read the recent posts. Humility and sincerity leap off the screen and are contagious.
It is also a product of the addiction that we become disconnected from real people and the chance to have a casual but open and honest discussion is refreshing and inspiring. Perhaps it is not even so much the wisdom and insight expressed but more the chance to connect with others without fear of condemnation and shame.
Once again thank you all
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zenzx
New Member
Posts: 26
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Post by zenzx on Nov 27, 2007 13:55:28 GMT -5
Wow you all have really kept the thread alive and going lately. Well done. I haven't posted in a couple weeks, so I figured I needed to jump on and post a message.
Firstly, welcome to you newcommers, please continue to post often on the board! Everyone here has gone through all the same crap as you have or had very similar experiences, and they know what its like. I think that was the most positive reinforcement for me from finding this board: the thought "I'm not alone."
I am currently 12 days clean! This is the longest I have gone in months. I feel so happy right now. I guess I must attribute this to a new relationship in my life. She is a wonderful and very pure LDS young woman. Whenever the temptation comes up just thinking about her and how much she cares about me makes the thoughts go away.
I know this is no cure-all, since the last time I broke my longest record of sobriety (4 months) was because I was dumped by my very first official girlfriend after only dating for a short time. I sunk into depression...I stopped hanging out with my friends, I aimless went to work and then I sat around the rest of the day...and when the temptation came up I folded like lawn chair.
The truth is even when we think we have beaten our addiction it can always come back. Even during the worst times of our life we must be on guard. I read all of your stories and I see just how lucky I am, many of you are much older than me and have gone through much worse trials than I have. Your stories are strength to me. I pray that I might have your courage and strength, and that I might continue to fight my addiction.
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Post by done4good on Nov 27, 2007 17:15:18 GMT -5
Hi as a member of the church and having this addiction I feel so alone, even more so bc I'm 19 and should be going on a mission, but instead I keep slamming my head into the same wall over and over and over. I feel like I cant really get close to anyone bc I feel like I'm living a lie. I want to be clean and go and serve more then I could ever say, but that just isn't happening. It helps knowing that I'm not alone. In Utah whenever someone asks how old I am they always ask why I'm not on a mission. I have to lie. I hate lying. I talk to my bishop every week and I wonder how he can always be so nice and positive about me even though I am so stupid. I wish there was some way I could stop.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Nov 27, 2007 17:28:36 GMT -5
I wish there was some way I could stop. Start by telling your story now. I assume you have problems with masturbation and pornography? Have you looked into the Church's 12-step addiction recovery program?
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Post by done4good on Nov 27, 2007 17:36:23 GMT -5
Yeah I do have masturbation and pornography problems, but who could i tell. My bishop knows and thats it. Do you have any techniques that help you all stay away from it. See I got rid of my computer, I removed my account from the family computer, the only one left is my bro's who keeps his on all the time and thats where I get in trouble. He has the same probs that I have but he doesn't know I know. I've gotten way to good at hiding it for my own good. I wish there was some way I could get him to stop and lock his computer without having to tell him.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Nov 27, 2007 17:41:13 GMT -5
Young brother, getting rid of computer access is just a stop gap and will not help you get into the recovery mode. There are no simple tips and methods. Recovery takes work and education. Ask your Bishop to help you locate the addiction recovery program meetings in your stake and GO to them. That's the best technique I know to tell you.
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Post by Big Country on Nov 28, 2007 14:06:54 GMT -5
If you are in Utah, there are alot of resources available to you. I would highly recommend attending a 12 step group that deals specifically in pornograPhy addiction. You will be scared to death the first meeting, but I can almost guarantee that you will leave after one or two meetings and feel like there is a hope you have never had before.
I would also recommend staying on this board. There are alot of people here who have more years fighting this addiction than you have been on earth. That also holds true for myself by the way (33 years old).
You have to decide if you are truly committed. I don't think it will help to make a promise to yourself that you will never look at P or mb again. You can keep a committment though to check in here daily and seek advise. You can also keep a committment to go to 12 step meetings every week. Start with the things you can do and from there you will learn tools to deal with the things that are seemingly out of your control.
I, myself, have made a committment to post here every day for 90 days. Will this cure me from my addiction, of course not. But I have recieved so much encouragement here that I've been clean since my first post. Not a cure, but a tool.
A mission changed my life, and should be the most important thing in your life right now. Don't let this addiction steal that from you. We can help, just don't give up.
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Post by unescorted on Nov 28, 2007 14:09:33 GMT -5
Hi CV (and others), Thanks for your direct response. I am currently starting my own business and spend many hours alone in an office of one. After a few months of this, the temptation has become unbearable and I've started pratting about on the Internet. I cannot get rid of the computer because it's vital to my work but what I often do is, if I have to look at the Internet in an idle time, I go and look for something completely different. Luckily, the computer is on an academic network with some powerful filters, of which I am glad. It even blocks out my ISP! That's how I found out about this - by typing in pornography addiction instead. I had no idea that a forum like this existed, as it's something I've always felt lacking. Although I have remained sober for a long time, it's a struggle that resurfaces far too regularly for my liking. I have been to a psychologist (not a psychiatrist) for therapy and I got many tools that help. The same from my Bishop and Stake President. And my wife. However, this time, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and felt like dying, as nothing seemed to ease it and I was falling into a daze and unable to function, making resistance almost impossible. The triggers are normally fatigue, poor diet, stress and depression (the pills only do so much), plus boredom. The lack of daylight is not helping - it's dark by 3:30 in the afternoon - and that adds to the feeling of isolation and depression. I have benefited from reading some of the postings, because they are encouraging in themselves. Also, some of the things others have tried have reminded me of some things I had forgotten to do, or re-contextualised them, so I can remember to do them now and it is helping to ease the pressure. I can also contribute too, which is useful. To others who are new to this, I have found that you have to plan what you are going to do in any given situation and use a mixture of tools to take you away from the pressure of temptation. One of the most effective tools is to replace the bad action with a good one. This is so basic but so powerful. For example, when I lost my job and was at a loose end, I threw myself into family history research. Not only did I effectively divert my attention, I was out at a library, interacting with others, doing something fascinating, contributing and keeping valuable work skills honed. Now, I don't have time for that, so other things have to do. Last night, I painted the kitchen for a couple of hours, until midnight. That gave me satisfaction in completing a practical task, kept me from thinking depressing and resentful thoughts and delighted my wife, whose kitchen is beginning to look more habitable. I also told her how I was feeling and asked her how she felt. That helped too but it's guilt-dumping, so I always do that with care. As for missions. I wish I had gone on one. I had this problem when I was that age and it led to me breaking the law of chastity and going inactive, away from any help. The Adversary wants nothing more than to thwart the missionary effort, amongst many other things - hence, I think, why this problem raises its head in early to mid teens. It also destroys any good foundation for a secure marriage later, as I also found out. Satan works in the dark, in secret. Therefore, bring your problem out into the light and discuss it with those you would trust with your life. Ask the Lord to direct you to those who can help and then go looking so you can feel the Spirit when you meet them. Pray, study and pray again. Find something new to involve your time and talents and occupy your mind. Sit down and write down what triggers thoughts of using porn and decide what you can do to neutralise them, then what you can do to reinforce inhibitors. Being alone in private is a disinhibitor - what are you going to do to neutralise it and reinforce your inhibition. Don't just go out. Go out and do something. Always remember, unless you have denied the Holy Ghost, there is forgiveness available through the Atonement of Christ. Pornography abuse is serious, let's not be coy about it, as it has to do with chastity (being only one step removed from murder) and leads to things grievous indeed, so obtaining forgiveness will take time and effort but it is well worth it, is easier than it appears sometimes because the Lord really does ease the burden after a while, and it leads to such joy as I cannot describe. You will not regret it. Tell your Bishop that is your goal and then work towards it. Tell others you are studying and working on your testimony in advance of going on a mission because you want to be the most effective you can. The General Authorities have counselled that the bar has been lifted and that one must have studied and have a firm testimony before embarking on a mission. You are only following their advice and waiting for confirmation from the Lord of when your time is right to go. Then remember that the Lord is on your side, He loves you and wants you to succeed and return to Him - read the hymn, "Be still, my soul". That helped me many times. I memorised it and learned to sing it, as I have many other hymns, as this is one of my tools for getting away from troublesome thoughts. Enjoy the quiet power the Spirit gives you as you move along - it is far sweeter than the Devil's. Be proud of your accomplishments and of who you are and remember who you want to be. Do it now and don't ever delay. Remember this scripture: "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Cor 10:13. To me, this means that I am not alone - there are many others with my problem - as this forum proves. It means you can get above temptation, as I and others can testify. If you turn and look for it, there is always a way out, and this forum is one way of getting clues as to where to look. You can do it! Here endeth the lecture!
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Post by Curious Voyager on Nov 28, 2007 22:04:15 GMT -5
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Corazon
Junior Member
CTR
Posts: 68
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Post by Corazon on Nov 29, 2007 12:24:49 GMT -5
I'm finally feeling well enough to sit down at the computer without the Nyquil hangover that has been with me the last several days. Man, being sick really sucks! To recap, Big Country asked: I guess here is my concern. You said that there is no option for relapse and he knows it. Does that mean if he relapsed one time and immediatly told you about it that it would all be over? This scares the crap out of me because I worry that I won't be able to pull out of this fast enough before she gets fed up with me and realizes how much better she would be without me. I can honestly say that I have come a long way. I was using at least every day and sometimes 5-6 times a day. I guess the question is, even with progress evident, is there a point where she would leave? I am committed to living my life free of this addiction and I'm not trying to give myself an out for relapsing. I just can't imagine a life without her. My answer could get very long, so I'll try to simplify it and not give my entire background... My husband and I had been married 9 years when I discovered his addiction. My fairy tale was ruined and I experienced the entire gamut of emotions. I found the predecessor to this board and some very wise and compassionate people (some of whom still post) to help me understand what I was facing. For 3 years my husband went through the cycle of abstaining, then slipping, then indulging, then repenting and abstaining and back to slipping. It is such a tiresome roller coaster and as his wife and mother to our three daughters I couldn't take it anymore.
After his last relapse in 2004 I packed my bags and told him I was done. I was ready to get a lawyer and have divorce papers drawn up. I didn't know where I would go, or how I would get by, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I couldn't live in my home any longer with an addict who wasn't getting better.
My husband and I spent many sleepless nights crying and talking about our future. It was then that he realized porn was not an option in his life any longer if he wanted to keep his family intact. We started off on Day One and looked forward.
Big Country, you say that you are committed to living your life free of addiction and that you cannot imagine your life without your wife -- yet you keep the thought that you can always repent and ask for forgiveness if it happens again. It's that thought in the back of your mind that gives you the option to act out. The mentality that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission certainly does not apply in this situation...
There is only black and white here -- you cannot allow gray to seep into your life. You either act out or you don't. Nobody forces you to do it. You don't HAVE to do it to survive. It's a choice. Every moment you are faced with the choice to give in to your impulses or not. Which will you choose?
For me, I reached a point where I wouldn't ride that roller coaster anymore -- it was killing me. We know better. We deserve better. Take the option out of your life and look forward. It's possible and it can be done... Christ tells us that it's not going to be easy, but he promises that it will be worth it. Do you want it?
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