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Post by breakingfree on Dec 13, 2007 20:35:15 GMT -5
Going to callit an early nite tonight. Mrs. BF and I are going to watch a movie and relax. Want to start working on my middle stage recovery program tomorrow. Like to get some feedback from people having been through it. More scared of the late middle and long term than short term. Another day sober
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 14, 2007 9:09:17 GMT -5
FEEL GREAT TODAY. Wondeful nilght with Mrs. BF last night. Stayed up ways too late, in bed, talking, laughing, cuddling. Got a lot of things done yesterday. To-do list has shrunk from dozens of items, stretching back for months, to a handful.
I will do something special for Mrs, BF today
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Post by MrOuch on Dec 14, 2007 13:15:11 GMT -5
That's awesome!! Be well today and this weekend. I'll stick my head in if I get a chance.
MrOuch
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 15, 2007 8:23:57 GMT -5
Quick note and then off to work I go, hi ho, hi ho.
Very good talk with my daughter last night. Mrs. BF and I had needed to talk with her about some communications and it went very well.
Another day sober.
bf
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Post by unico on Dec 15, 2007 14:19:09 GMT -5
Don't forget to tweak that logo to include Addict70 take care, and enjoy the weekend unico
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 16, 2007 0:27:46 GMT -5
Just posted this on the weekenders circle. Kinda sums it for the day.
Really kinda of funky last 48 hours for me. Fair amount of tension with family conversation with daughter last night, couple other things going on, then had a situation at work, pissed me off. Find myself really out of sorts, pissed off, edgy. Don't feel any urge to use, but for about 1/2 hour this afternoon and a little bit tonight, remember how f***ed up i felt so much of the time when I was using.Angry, tense, moody. I always would give in to before when I was using, I think at some stage, it became overwhelming and I would go into some kind of shutdown mode, give up, where the escape of P helped deaden the feelings, numb me. Not really all that different than when I was using drugs. Same temporary fix, transient high.
f*** it!! I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN. Really working on not letting myself DRIFT back into those old shut down f***ed up behavior patterns.
I'm going to finish this, copy it into my journal and wish you all a good night, wake up Mrs bf and talk and cuddle and force myself to quit retreating inward and reach outward.
Feel good even though it was kind of a trying day. I feel like I have the ability to recognize dysfunctional behavior, cognition, and affect much more rapidly and will do what it takes to turn it around. THE DESIRE TO CHANGE, TO BE A BETTER MAN, BETTER HUSBAND,BETTER FATHER IS SO STRONG IN ME.
Night to all. Stay strong Stay clean. Another day sober.
All quiet on Desolation Row.
bf
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 16, 2007 11:41:58 GMT -5
Just a quick note this am-goitta go. Mrs. bf came to me this morning and talked, said she felt she was not giving me enough encouragment for working hard and doing wll in recovery and realtionship rnewal. Very good to hear. I know she knows but it really helps to hear it.
I will be clean and sober today.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 17, 2007 1:13:03 GMT -5
Finally, some time together, mrs bf and I. Made chili, relaxed, great warm, intimate evening together. More than made up for time missed last two days. Beautiful.
Can't believe I had all this once and all but threw it away for P. The reality so far exceeds the fantasy, what a stupid man I was. Sober and smarter I be.
Another day sober on Desolaltion Row.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 17, 2007 8:43:51 GMT -5
What a wonderful night last night!! Can't (err, WON't ) get into details, but just a fantastic evening with Mrs. BF. We both felt like we had gone back 15 years in our marriage, except even better because it i now tempered by experience. There really CAN be positive reiniforcemdent for maintaining sobriety. I feel like jumping up an clicking my heels today, or maybe barking like a dog, or baring my teeth and giving a good monkey laugh. The circus is in town, from Desolation Row
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cammy
Full Member
Posts: 221
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Post by cammy on Dec 17, 2007 13:31:32 GMT -5
DUDE!!!!!! This is an SA site. LOL.
Glad for you! Cammy
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 17, 2007 16:44:30 GMT -5
Nice to hear you ridin' high with the missus! I'm happy for you! And, if it doesn't sound completely maternal, may I add how proud I am of you for getting the Weekender's Circle started with your compatriots? A very nice and much-needed, IMO, addition to the board. J
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 18, 2007 8:48:42 GMT -5
Tuesday it is and early. Good day yesterday. Had some anger issues late in the day. Really helped talkling with Mrs. BF and getting her feedback. I KNOW I overreact. Just have such a hard time letting go of it. Talked about when I feel threatened, it brings up a feeling of being overwhelmed. I get scared and either pull inward and withdraw or lash out, sometimes both, neither good. I am working on it and can see some improvement. Just talkling about it helps.
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cammy
Full Member
Posts: 221
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Post by cammy on Dec 18, 2007 11:12:40 GMT -5
BF, In respnse to a post I read recently - sometimes you just want to have a fight.
Do you substitute anger for other emotions?
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 18, 2007 11:40:41 GMT -5
That's an easy one, Fear.
bf
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cammy
Full Member
Posts: 221
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Post by cammy on Dec 18, 2007 12:04:36 GMT -5
Any others? How are you with shame? How are you with humiliation?
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