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Post by breakingfree on Dec 6, 2007 22:34:03 GMT -5
Time to turn out the lights on Desolation Row. My alloted 2 hours on the board is running out, just a few grains of sand left in the hourglass.
Very good day. Finished one more project I have been putting off for months. Better job keeping the OCD channeled today.
Another day sober. Another day rebuilding my marriage.
I'm happy
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 7, 2007 9:06:08 GMT -5
Friday it is and today I declare I WILL BE SOBER JUST FOR TODAY.
Feeling good this morning. Have accomplished a lot this week. Very important in my recovery plan that I get the rest of my life back on track. That (expletive)ing avoidance behavior. I KNOW I have to fight it. If I don't, it is too easy to slip back into old bad habits.
It's amazing how the addcitive behavioir is tied into so many other dysfuntional behaviors. I quit P and MB and and I am getting things done again that I have been putting off for months. A rea;l sense of accomplishment and moving forward.
I think the journal really helps. It give me continuity and accountability. Forces to me examine ALL my behavrior past and present more closely.
Brain is clearer, too. The limerick competition has been a real hoot. I forgot how much fun it is too trade wits with others. Good competition, fun and makes us sharper. Have to remember I wasn't always an addict (or at least had my behavior more in check)
Time to get going and do some stuff.
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cammy
Full Member
Posts: 221
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Post by cammy on Dec 7, 2007 10:40:09 GMT -5
I quit P and MB and and I am getting things done again that I have been putting off for months. A rea;l sense of accomplishment and moving forward.
Ain't that the truth!?! Sometimes I wonder if it's sublimation a la Siggy F. You know the old "I never knew I could build rockets outta paperclips" effect? But it's an awesome way to see progress. Good on ya.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 7, 2007 13:08:02 GMT -5
Re my out of control limericking. If I had good impulse control I doubt I would be here now. As Mrs. BF llike to say, "you always gotta push it, dont you?' Well........
But golly, I did have fun! Shoot I'm still having fun. Who says recovery has to put you in the (expletive)s all the time?
And Tiger if you are reading this , YOU know the original was good,inapproriate and baiting, but funny.
Whee, no more for me. I'm off to climb a tree where are those meds i was supposed to take?
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 7, 2007 14:22:25 GMT -5
A fellow with (ahem) faint OCD (better known to some friends as breakingfree), wrote to his timer's gentle clicks loads of recovery limericks and gave the gift of laughter to me.
Thank you. Seriously. I'm glad you found the thread a welcome diversion. The good news? This is the last day of our communal madness & mayhem. Wishing you and your wife well. J
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 7, 2007 15:04:02 GMT -5
Thanks Mayberry! Always glad to hear from you. Mrs. BF and I were discussing at lunch the closeness we both feel to you. I haven't had the time to go through all your journal, but the what I have read is an insightful,painful, but always a very real journey.
I find myself in a somewhat cranky mood again, after reading CV post. The thing is, he is right. He is perhaps too loud, too verbal, too confrontative about it, but he is right. I think that is what touches off the indignation/anger/crankiness in me.
Oh well, got stuff to do. Don't like to post when I am cranky. Be back later when I am my usual (lately) ebullient, mischevous self.
(expletive) the spell checker!!
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 7, 2007 22:30:44 GMT -5
All right, time to turn out the lights tonight on Desolation Row. No longer cranky but damn, I can't stop rhyming.
Pretty good day today.
One more day sober.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 8, 2007 17:39:43 GMT -5
Crap!! Who comes on an SA board and ask (expletive)ing questions like would you keep using if your SO didn't know or what do you think is bad about it? (expletive)!!@ (expletive) IT IS (expletive)ING ADDICTION ITS NOT A (expletive)ING HOBBY ITS NOT (expletive)ING RECREATION (expletive)ING ACTIVITY (expletive)
I think I need to get up now and come back later. some (expletive) just sets me off.
I am doing well today. on track sobreity good, urges in check. anger up?? well (expletive) you, ah maybe a little.
check you later from DR
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 8, 2007 20:06:57 GMT -5
I am a little cranky today. Is possbile I am having limerick withdrawls?? If so, the limerick withdrawls are worse than the stinkin P withdrawls. I am a little concerned about feeling so angry today. Sobreity really does feel good and solid but any time anger kinds pops up and effects my thoughts and behaviors I have to sit down and rigoursly self examine. I re read the early post that pissed/set me off and my response and all it did was piss me off again. There is something about someone questioning, well is p*** really bad that makes me go ballistic. It awakens that (expletive) little voice in me that says well maybe it isn't that bad after all someone else is questioning it, maybe you can just use it a little. f*** the voice, f*** P and f*** the people that ask those questions. Whoo, that makes me feel better. I think al will say that again, but louder f*** p***
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 8, 2007 20:08:44 GMT -5
I am sober today and once again (expletive) P
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 8, 2007 20:57:57 GMT -5
okay I feel better. Newbie responded to my semi flame post sounding hurt. Feel better I explainded why I was angry and what was inappropraite to be discussing on General or RA board. Also apologized for shouting. Have to rember what I keep saying, would you act like this in a live meeting? Probably not, I would have been calmer and explained myself rather than lashing out.
I can certianly understand how some threads can (expletive)ing blow up. Some questions just will set some of us off. I think I have been very patient with some members that have REALLY been off track and intentinally hurtful. NOt sure if I am cranky or no longer feel I have to bite my tongue and wait for other to speak. I have lived on this forum for over two months now and feel somewhat protective and yeah I guess terrritorial.
Good night from Desolaton Row.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 9, 2007 17:46:42 GMT -5
It's a cold Sunday afternoon, just got home. Feeling good today. Seem to have gotten over crankies.
Looking forward to spending nice evening with Mrs BF. Light a fire, put on a Christmas move, relax and do normal things
I almost feel pulled toward positive behavior, getting stuff done, helping out, helping people, good stuff. Just the opposite of feelling pulled toward P and then having to fight to get back to normal but still feeling, acually never, feeling normal. I do feel normal most of the time, not crazed, not guilt ridden, not depressed.WHOPEE!!
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 9, 2007 19:00:36 GMT -5
WHY is it there is no one on the board (ok almsot no one) on the weekends. Am I that more challenged in my recovery that I need to be here every day? I feel like a social outcast, everyone is out(apparently) doing other stuff and I am here. Don't really feel bad about it. Recovery is strong. Mrs BF doesn't see a problem (rather have me here than THERE) still and all kinda strange, WHERE IS EVRERYONE??? HELLO???
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Post by unico on Dec 9, 2007 19:50:41 GMT -5
...i'm here that makes two of us. But two audiophiles don't make a party, maybe we need to crank up the music. My vote goes for Primal Scream's "Movin' on Up"
Have a look in on the Secular Circle if you haven't already, some of us have become a little jaundiced with the General/Recovery Boards and have holed up in various Circles. We are full up presently, but there are plenty of other circles to join (or start your own - maybe the Weekenders Circle?)
Mr (Unison Research) Unico
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 10, 2007 6:59:48 GMT -5
BF: Glad to hear about that pull toward the positive...the doing, connecting, making stuff. I suspect (for all of us) it can't be about what ISN'T anymore, but about what IS, and making the "what is" important. Was that as clear as mud? Hmmm, unico's suggestion of a weekender's circle sounds like a most-excellent one. I hope you and Peacebewithyou have a terrific week this week. I'm rooting for you both. J
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