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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Jan 23, 2007 2:31:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments guys, I failed to mention this in my previous messages, My apologies. I am very appreciative of the positive comments made. It keeps me going and full of new ideas, to combat this addiction.
I am really trying, and I can say this is probably the first time I have gone all out to stop the addict in me. I know that when you want something and you set out so deeply to obtain it, you get it. I mean within reason, I can never be the worlds fastest runner, being realistic about it. But if I want to be involved in a relationship, I will so long as I try hard enough, the same goes I think for giving up the addiction.
Today I had to goto work for some safety courses, even though I am still on holidays. I was pretty good. There was a very attractive female there, she will be working with us for the next few months. I did get caught out looking as she definitely is pretty and looks like a model. However I did start some conversations, with a few people, and kept quietly confident. I wasn't afraid to talk. Its funny how things work against you. We had some rescue exercises to do. I had avoided participating in any and then she was selected to be the rescuer. My thoughts at the time were please don't let me be the one to be rescued. what happened yes you're right. I got over it ok, and I didn't have any crazy thoughts, so it worked out ok.
Firstly thanks for the comments guys. DJ I'm happy with my progress, and the increases in confidence. I then went to the gym, some slight problems there I was still looking at some of the women, and I went on a machine that wasn't in my workout session, all a part of my curiosity. Its bringing me down a notch, and I definitely need to work on this. It i a major problem area. However I am here talking about it and staying clean.
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Jan 23, 2007 17:52:32 GMT -5
Day Seven
Last night I started to get a little weird. I had some urges to MB but there was no desire at all to view porn or any material that I would MB to.......I'm not sure whats going on. But I was sort of jut not doing a lot. I thought at that moment, that I need to start doing something. Because this is a time where I could slide. I don't want that to happen. So I started reading some info on my engine for the car. I then got a todo list done for today and went over my goals. I need to remind myself what it is I really want to do with myself.
I have a lot to do today. I'm not sure if I can do it all cos I put down heaps. But I will try.
Tomorrow I have my first SA meeting, Im a bit nervous Im not sure what to expect or what the people will be like. I just have to keep hanging in there and stay strong
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Post by MJ on Jan 23, 2007 19:02:08 GMT -5
Hey there, The first SA meeting isn't bad. I went to my first one back in September. The people were really nice. It's weird because you might say to yourself, "Am I really here doing this?" Then you get used to it. Let us know how it goes! ---MJ
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Post by dj2005 on Jan 23, 2007 23:57:18 GMT -5
right on tl6e!!! you've got lots of good stuff in that last post. 7 days sober, goals, to do lists, healthy choices, new routes for your recovery... it sounds like things are really opening up for you. i am so glad to hear you are taking bold steps ahead. congrats!
dj
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Post by ghodge5 on Jan 24, 2007 0:56:48 GMT -5
Keep going man. Just keep pushing and you will be just fine. Awareness and accpetance is the key to destroying this and we are all capable of doing it.
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Jan 24, 2007 19:22:28 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments guys.....I'm noting every comment down and looking at how I can improve myself with everything thrown at me, good and bad.
MJ - Ive jut gotten up and I have about 9 hour s until my first Sa meeting I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, I am definitely nervous about it. Thanks for the comments and interest in my progress.
DJ, Ghodge
Thanks guys......I'm happy with getting to Seven days Well it's day Eight now. But This is further than I' ve been in over two months. So its time to start moving along a day at a time. I am making sure I know what I do, If I feel myself slipping I have a few get out of ideas. I felt uneasy yesterday but got out of it by going over my goals.
I had some strange dreams last night. One involved me going to a therapist, and when I got there there were attractive women everywhere doing exercises. I go there and I had to join in with them. I remember in my dream fantasizing about one of the womens feet. I just wanted to get some recovery but the therapist would keep me waiting.
Today I am cleaning my car, polishing it. BTW This keyboard stinks it won't press all the letters when I want to. I have a few household things to do,some garden stuff. I am going to call some of my family. Go to my first SA meeting, while I am in town, I will try to catch up with some friends of mine. I also might go to the gym if I get time.
Last night I caught up with a couple of friends, I am going to go out with a friend soon we both have cars that we would like to show. I'm starting to feel so much better since I have gone out and started to socialize.
Problem areas I need to work on. I'm still seeing a woman in the streets, going wow, and looking, looking, looking. I got caught out yesterday. At the gym I need to forget about what the women are doing and focus on my work. I need to make sure that I build my social skills with women so that when I meet them I have something intelligent to say and not just be ogling them with nowhere to go. I'm also getting caught out on television. I need to keep it to NON SA shows, and no commercials. Need to stay away from triggering television.
Anyway I need to get rolling...
Cheers
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Post by imtheoneincontrol on Jan 24, 2007 21:19:52 GMT -5
Hey TL6E, good luck with your sa meeting. That takes guts! Good job working to eliminate triggering material.
itoic
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Post by larus on Jan 25, 2007 4:07:47 GMT -5
hi tlse, you are not wasting time are you. These could be the first steps on a long journey, but they are important, it is a big hurdle to take. good luck, let us know how it goes
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Post by JohnG on Jan 25, 2007 6:32:43 GMT -5
TomLincoln
We haven't been introduced, but I am pleased to meet you. Good luck with your meeting. If you don't like it keep an open mind and go to a few until you get a feel for what it is really all about. It will be hard at first (maybe) - but then for some it is love at first sight.
Don't feel you have to share or tell your story right away. I doubt they will ask you to. You should be able to just sit in. If they ask you to introduce yourself (happens in some AA groups), just say as much (or little) as you feel like.
Good luck and tell us all about it later.
JohnG
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Post by Stillhopeful on Jan 25, 2007 6:50:19 GMT -5
The meeting should be finished or finishing around now. I hope it went well for you, Tom. I think it's great that you were so quick to make the decision to go. Let us know how it went.
Still
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Jan 25, 2007 8:28:16 GMT -5
Hey guys thanks for the comments. So many to read, never get that many.
Where do I start. I went to the gym. Yes got caught out looking again and at women in the streeet at the mall etc. I know I'm doing it so thats a start, Now I need to stop it.
I got to the meeting and I was nervous. AT first I didn't want to go, I was unsure. It was good though, and I could relate to the others at the meeting. I did sort of give the group an idea of what I am going through and how I came to be. But most importantly It gave me an idea face to face on the other peoples struggles. I'm happy with the meeting and will try to go each week. Its good to get things off your chest face to face.
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Jan 25, 2007 18:08:53 GMT -5
Im up today and I have not written a list for stuff to do today, so that is my next step after breakfast. I was a bit disappointed last night. I didn't mention but I have a friend that I've had good contact with for a long time. Last night I called them and asked if they wanted to catch up. They said yeah and could meet them at a venue, and it wasn't too busy. I got there and there were hundreds of people lining up. I rang him joking around not showing any anger. I asked what was going on. I felt like I was being taken for a ride. Then I'm hearing from the other guys I know but aren't big friends with not give a damn about me at all. It really ticked me off. Here I am trying to be a better person and catch up with people and I'm being stuffed around. It made me angry for a moment, but then realised anyway that these are the people who do and act on everything you don't want to. So maybe its a blessing, and maybe its time to use the skills I'm building to form a new respecting group of friends.
I'm on Day Nine.
Last night was chaos. I had so many dreams I can't count them. They were all trigering in different ways. I would find every single one of them was related to my particular SA and in nearly all the cases, I would be realising that I'm acting out, but I do it anyway. There is a lot of fear in the dreams. Its the only way Its coming out, because I'm not giving in to temptation consciously. Its not easy.....But I'm definitely trying this time.
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Post by Stillhopeful on Jan 25, 2007 18:18:52 GMT -5
Good morning, Tom, and happy Australia day! I am glad you went to the meeting and shared some of your story with the others. You are terrific at following through with your plans! I am sorry your friend let you down last night. How rude of him. You are good to let it go, though, and to remind yourself that this is his problem, not yours. He is the person who did the wrong thing. Unfortunately, there are disrespecting people in the community but there are nice people out there, if you look. As you yourself suggested, you need to begin the search for a new respectful, kind and loyal group of friends with strong values. It's commonly reported here that sexual dreams occur during withdrawal. You should not let that worry you. It is not the conscious you making those choices. The dreams will die down once you've established new habits. You might still get the occasional nightmare but it will be only occasional. You're doing great! Hey, I believe we are in for some rain this weekend. I hope the rain will help your area too. Anyway, set that "to do" list and let us know how it all goes. I am off to a cafe (our favourite one is open, even today) with my partner, for a cup of coffee. I'll tune in later. Still
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Post by dj2005 on Jan 25, 2007 18:59:06 GMT -5
hey tom- congrats on your meeting and on working through all these emotions. you are doing great and im so glad to hear it.
dj
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Post by larus on Jan 26, 2007 3:28:37 GMT -5
I know I'm doing it so thats a start, Now I need to stop it. I am happy for you starting all this up. And as for this quote, that is spot on.
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