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Post by Mountain on Oct 29, 2007 13:59:03 GMT -5
84 days today!
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Post by Mountain on Nov 10, 2007 2:39:26 GMT -5
I am still on track!!! I think I am at 95 days today~!
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Post by Mountain on Nov 14, 2007 12:19:10 GMT -5
I am 100 days CLEAN TODAY!!!!!
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Post by Mountain on Nov 19, 2007 18:55:27 GMT -5
Things have been harder the last few days but we are still moving forward and clean.
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Post by Mountain on Nov 21, 2007 18:20:21 GMT -5
I am really having a hard time today. I am not looking at porn or MB just bummed out. I am just doing nothing. I have some much to do and I just can not seem to get started. Feel like I am going to explode. This makes my recovery hard too. I have not slipped but for some reason have huge desires to just look over the line or get close to it. I know if I will eventually fall over that line....
All of my procrastination is building up right now and catching up with me. But I am doing nothing to make it any better.
Just thought I would come here for a moment for a good waste of time. I waste so much time...
Mountain (today I fill like a ant hill)
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Post by Mountain on Dec 13, 2007 19:19:06 GMT -5
I am not sure I feel like posting but I need to. I have been away for a couple of weeks and I think it shows. I have been very busy stressed out and I have let my guard down. The last couple of days have been very hard. I have been playing games again with my PC with searches on the web etc. I have not been to full out port but I have seen some and it has been very triggering. Everything comes right back. This thing is really an addiction and I feel it so bad right now. I have not taken the dive off the path but I have sure been on the edge of the line the last couple of days and my addict can taste the crap on the other side.
I have been doing so well. I have not been clean for this long forever. I do not want to go back to that crap. I do not need that stuff in any way. When all that come back into my head it is so hard to think clearly and I feel like such a hypocrite for all the advices I may have given for feeling like I was doing so well.. I was but I am still an addict and need to remember that. I can not afford to even smell the stuff..
I am going to call my wife right now and let her know what is up and get my game plan back on track. Well … she just IM’s me and I told her I was going to call her and I have been having a hard time. She has sensed it. Now… I guess this is not a time to beat my self up and I have been very good at that in the past….. I have been doing very well. I not fallen off the wagon or even fallen for that matter but I on the edge and there is no rope when you play on the edge… Well what do I need to do… I know I need to get this out of my system… I need to stop right now..
• Prayer. I need to say some real prayers and tell the Lord how I feel, repent for playing on the edge and ask for help. • Speak with my wife • Spend more time on the board • Get better sleep • Read my scriptures • Listen to talks in the car again. • Putt anything good I can in my head/heart.
I know when I do these things I get the smell out of me. That is the hardest part. I find getting that smell or taste out initially so that I can focus on recovery.
Mountain
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Post by addict70 on Dec 13, 2007 19:26:29 GMT -5
Wow man, you're an inspiration! How many days is that now? Alot. I'm sorry you're having a rough time and it's a sobering reminder to me of how absolute my commitment must be. But wow man, You're what I'm striving for!
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Post by Mountain on Dec 14, 2007 10:49:48 GMT -5
Well I am still going at it but I am still having a hard time.
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Post by ingodwetrust on Dec 22, 2007 14:27:59 GMT -5
you can do it! Try to associate P with pain, everytime P comes to you think about the pain and guilt and shame you felt and would feel if you give in to this addiction/devil.
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