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Post by sandpaper on Nov 27, 2005 12:38:49 GMT -5
I'm still trying to move forward in the right direction, which is - as I'm sure you are well aware - a continuous challenge.
I will use this Journal as a sort of progress report about my daily trials, tribulations, and triumphs.
I will continue to post discussion topics on the general board as the need arises. Looking forward to using yet another tool in the process.
Thanks,
Sandpaper
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Post by choselife on Nov 27, 2005 15:43:44 GMT -5
I'm looking forward to following your great progress.
CL
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Post by findaway on Nov 27, 2005 17:28:55 GMT -5
I'm going to read everyday. Keep it going!
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Post by sandpaper on Nov 28, 2005 9:03:33 GMT -5
Well, today is the first day of my new job. It is a job I have aspired to obtain for some time. I know I need to appreciate it. Generally, once I obtain something I have been seeking, the jubilation tends to quickly recede into a state of fear about losing that thing, instead of appreciating the experience.
The addictive urges have generally been at bay lately, but I have had to constantly avoid objectifying the women I see around me, especially those with skimpy clothes.
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Post by sandpaper on Nov 29, 2005 8:56:02 GMT -5
I feel a bit overwhelmed with the new job at the moment and am experiencing some additional anxiety because of that. That is a sign that I need to tread carefully. Last night, I met up with some buddies after work to watch football. I capped myself at two drinks, as I promised myself I would if I am in a danger zone.
I shall keep on keeping on.
Ciao.
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Post by sandpaper on Nov 30, 2005 8:48:26 GMT -5
Still moving along.
Right now, I'm so busy with work that I'm in sort of a safeharbor. Whenever I'm really busy, I don't have time to think about what's going on inside of me. This is good because no urges arise. It is bad, however, because they pile up without my knowledge and then, once some of the pressure of work is relieved, they all come to the surface at once and rapidly so, which makes it very difficult to avoid acting out.
The challenge is to try to listen to and focus on what's going on inside and deal with those anxieties as they happen, even though I'm buried with work.
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Post by rainmannv on Nov 30, 2005 20:28:23 GMT -5
I'm starting out myself but I'm with you too
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 1, 2005 8:47:36 GMT -5
I continue to feel tremendous pressure at work. I'm trying to find ways to calm my nerves. I haven't had any urges, but I know they are right under the surface. I have to remain vigilant and controlled.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 2, 2005 8:49:49 GMT -5
I'm still underneath a heap of work and stress and there is no end in sight at the moment. I'm trying to deal with the pressure through mediation and, when possible, exercise. I'm staying focused and avoiding alcohol for the most part to keep my resolve in tact.
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Post by witness on Dec 2, 2005 9:19:48 GMT -5
Staying focused has been a key for me. May I suggest total abstinence from alcohol?
Do you have a friend there whom you can talk with about the stress you are feeling?
May we both use today for what is good, honorable and true.
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Post by rgg1978 on Dec 2, 2005 10:13:40 GMT -5
Keep it up sandpaper. You were on your initial streak when I started my own recovery and it was very inspiring. You know you've got it in you.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 3, 2005 11:17:43 GMT -5
Still truckin' along. Over the last day, I got a better handle on the stress I've been experiencing through meditation and trying to let go. I still have a long way to go before I feel comfortable with my new responsibilities, but I'm working hard to manage the related anxiety for my general sense of well being and because that is necesssary to stay out of the gutters of PA activity.
I did have a sexual fantasy dream last night, but I've put it out of my mind and it did not become a trigger. So, the path remains clear and I'm moving forward . . .
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Post by witness on Dec 3, 2005 11:43:57 GMT -5
Congratulations! Way to beat those triggers!
Let's stay clean just for today!
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 4, 2005 11:01:44 GMT -5
I'm moving forward carefully right now. Last night was the second night in a row that I've had sexually-charged dreams. I think the P monster is trying to get in through the back door. I refuse, however, to indulge in the images he wants me to acknowledge.
Onward I march, with my cup balanced steadily.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 5, 2005 8:32:08 GMT -5
Last night was the third night in a row that I had a sexually-charged dream. I am beginning to feel the effects of the PA trying to come in through the back door. I do feel sexually-frustrated and tense now; sort of quasi-triggered. I'm going to have to be careful and vigilant in avoiding P thoughts, objectification, and alcohol until I push through this period.
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