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Post by sandpaper on Dec 6, 2005 8:33:07 GMT -5
Still moving along. The sexual tension is building, however. The problem is once it starts to build, it just keeps on building, making abstinence more and more difficult over time. I just don't understand what to do with that tension. I try to exercise regularly and maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle, but that doesn't seem to be enough. Well, I suppose each cycle of sobriety requires some level of withdrawal. What concerns me is that the withdrawal symptoms never seem to completely go away. Nonetheless, my resolve remains in tact.
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Post by Stillhopeful on Dec 7, 2005 5:37:08 GMT -5
Stay strong. The others who have been through this have all said that the withdrawal symptoms fade as your phsyiology adjusts. Persist. You are doing great! Still
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 7, 2005 8:59:53 GMT -5
Thanks for the vote of confident, SH.
I'm still moving along. The tension is definitely still there, but I have no intention of acting upon it because I know that will just make everything worse and I'll have to go through the same symptoms all over again.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 8, 2005 9:03:19 GMT -5
The recent urges have largely subsided for the moment. My stress levels are still a bit high, though. So, I'm going to have to pay careful attention to my emotional well-being to ensure that I manage it effectively and don't get ensared with thoughts of acting out.
Keep on keeping on.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 9, 2005 8:30:01 GMT -5
Movin', movin' movin'. Still pluggin' along.
I'd be lying if I said I felt safe from the PA. I don't. But my resolve is still strong and I'm doing my best to hold fast to those things that matter in life. This helps me maintain a positive attitude, which is central to my sense of well-being and crucial to avoiding the insecurity that has historically driven me to P.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 10, 2005 9:52:40 GMT -5
I defer to my post on the general board to describe where I am today.
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Post by choselife on Dec 10, 2005 9:53:00 GMT -5
Hope things are going well. It may take a lot of effort to remain sober at times, but one thing you always know ... it will be well worth the effort. I know from experience that even though at times it feels difficult to keep the streak going, in hindsight, it is always easier to keep a streak going than it is to start another streak.
CL
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 11, 2005 9:51:12 GMT -5
CL - You're absolutely right, and thanks for reminding me again. I can't hear that sentiment enough!
I feel generally okay today. Again, however, I had a very, very strong wave of urges yesterday and was concerned about my sobriety. But, like I said, I came onto the Board instead of acting on my impulses and they just dissolved away. So, there it is. Still walking the right path.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 12, 2005 8:50:49 GMT -5
Still walking a straight line. I must admit, staying positive throughout this process is almost, if not more, difficult than staving off the urges.
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Post by googles on Dec 12, 2005 11:16:37 GMT -5
Do what you have to to achieve what you must.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 13, 2005 8:48:37 GMT -5
Googles,
Thanks. I intend to do so, and that's where I am right now: reminding myself that life is better without P and going back down into the gutter is not an option.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 14, 2005 8:59:24 GMT -5
Things are fairly constant now. Generally, I'm okay. I just occasionally experience little blips on the radar. When the big waves come, you'll hear from me. But for now . . . not so bad.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 15, 2005 8:40:41 GMT -5
It's amazing how fragile this process is. I have to be constantly on guard, as my mind sometimes wanders back to PA thoughts, which I have to shut down. It's easy to let those thoughts run their course. Indeed, sometimes I have, thinking that it would help desensitze my mind to such things, but it usually just aggravates things.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 16, 2005 9:01:23 GMT -5
The urges are coming in small waves now. I need to be careful to not let a small wave turn into a big one.
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Post by sandpaper on Dec 17, 2005 12:14:39 GMT -5
I'm honestly in a bad place right now. I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety for various reasons and am finding myself rationalizing the use of P/MB. That really shows how deep this addiction has run. When I get stressed, I begin to think about using P to make feel better. That's scary. I'm going to have to be very careful this weekend. I don't need the computer to get triggered; my brain is full of images and thoughts that it uses to entice me.
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