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Post by sandpaper on Dec 31, 2005 11:01:54 GMT -5
Not much new. I'm staying fairly positive lately, which is helpful.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 2, 2006 22:48:01 GMT -5
The holidays were a much-needed break and helped to clear my head a bit. I always try to hold onto what I learn about myself and life during my free times because I usually have some important insights. Applying those insights to the busy work life is always a challenge. Fortunately, I like what I do.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 4, 2006 9:03:55 GMT -5
I'm still maintaining a fairly positive outlook in general. The new year does give me a renewed resolve. The idea of being able to say on January 4, 2007, that I've stayed clean the whole year is motivating, not to mention the obvious benefits attendant to that.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 4, 2006 23:00:12 GMT -5
I was reminded yesterday in a discussion with a good friend of how important it is for me to not tie my sense of self-worth to the opinions of other people. That is, and always has been, a tremendous challenge. I believe I will never be truly happy and free unless and until I am able to incorporate that wisdom into my daily life; nor do I believe I will ever fully overcome this addiction without major strides in this respect.
One of the main difficulties is that I, like most of us, must meet the expectations of those to whom I report (i.e., the expectations of my supervisors at work). Thus, I must perform the very delicate dance of meeting and detaching myself from those expectations.
Alas, the mystery of life illustrated in little samples.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 7, 2006 11:25:05 GMT -5
Well, I've made certain resolutions for this year. The main one is to be kinder to myself by paying attention to my body and mind. This basically translates into taking more breaks at work, enjoying time away from work, and not letting a problem in one area of my life spoil every other area.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 8, 2006 11:00:28 GMT -5
Things are okay, for the most part. I have, however, been having a lot of P-related dreams lately, which is a bit disturbing. I am realizing more and more how much I need to change the way I view and behave in the world. Until I make some serious strides in that regard, I suspect such struggles will continue.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 10, 2006 22:12:59 GMT -5
Not much to report, which I suppose is a good thing. The biggest thing right now is my continuing effort to make changes in the general way I approach life and its struggles. That's the key to my long-term prognosis in this fight.
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Post by choselife on Jan 11, 2006 4:22:43 GMT -5
Not much to report definitely is a real good thing, presuming that means that you are keeping yourself as far away from the cliff as possible.
I have found that to be absolutely critical to make any headway with overall progress in life, as it enables me to both think more clearly and also it allows me to be optimistic. Are you in therapy? Sounds like it would be helpful for you to have somebody good to talk to about these issues.
I suggest that you read Anthony Robbins. "Awaken the Giant Within" has good strategies and will get you thinking.
CL
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 12, 2006 23:25:05 GMT -5
Thanks for the thoughts, CL.
I'm not in therapy right now, but I've been through a fair amount of it in the past. I learned a lot about how and why I need to change. Since then, it's been a matter of just doing it. That is the hardest part, I think.
I am staying away from the cliff right now, fortunately. I've been focusing a lot on making those changes I know I need to make, as I know I will never learn to stay balanced without PA unless I re-shape the fundamentals.
Thanks for the tip on the book. I've heard of that one because I've read other books that have mentioned it as one of a growing number that address a message important to many people now: how to make the most out of oneself.
Anyway, thanks again and take care.
SP
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 14, 2006 9:36:46 GMT -5
I was reminded again last night of how I need to be careful when I drink. I had a few drinks last night and, as usual, it melted my resolve slightly and I began considering surfing for and using P. I didn't, but I'm nonetheless a little frustrated and anxious today; i.e., slightly triggered.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 15, 2006 12:15:08 GMT -5
I defer to my post on the general board today entitled "The Big Picture of PA."
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 16, 2006 14:29:57 GMT -5
I'm not doing so well today because I had some pretty intense P-related dreams last night. I'm going to be spending most of the day out of the house.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 17, 2006 9:16:41 GMT -5
Another day, another week, another chance to be free of this addiction and grow as a person.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 18, 2006 9:01:28 GMT -5
I've decided that the happy moments in life are worth all suffering.
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Post by sandpaper on Jan 22, 2006 22:41:21 GMT -5
I went back and reviewed my journal entries from 2003 through 2005 regarding this recovery process.
I must admit I am encouraged. I see that I have come a long way since making my initial pledge in January 2002 to take serious action to recover from this addiction and change my life. While I continue to struggle and still require much additional effort and evolution, the PA has far less of a stronghold over me than it once did and I have gained significantly more knowledge and wisdom about how to continue down the path of recovery.
Perhaps the most significant change that has occurred between the start of this process and now is that I actually believe the goal (life without PA) is doable.
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