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Post by googles on Dec 13, 2007 8:56:09 GMT -5
Day 52
Yes Lookingup, there have been changes, but I really need to do the 12 step program, because I feel that I cannot "quantify" those changes ie. I can't write down what has actually been happening to me emotionally during the past 52 days. True, Ms Googles has said that she can definately see the changes in me, and my mood swings are dramaically reduced, but I feel there is so much more. I also feel that I am just "marking time" until my next slip, which is absolutely terrifying. I CAN'T go back to doing that, because I feel like I have waasted so much of my life already viewing P. And I am in this for the LOOONNNGGG term, so I have to get my head in the right place to really enjoy my new life without P. Please note, that I am actually very happy to be feeling this way, because I know my brain is rebelling cause it KNOWS that I am seriously getting out of P once and for all. When I read some of my earlier posts in here, I can see the half assed committment I was making, and I wissh I had been more serious in the past. But I guess nothing before it's time right?
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Post by googles on Dec 14, 2007 9:41:21 GMT -5
Day 53
Ms Googles comes back today! YAY!! AND I did the time without getting into any P or MB. MAJOR accomplishment here. Spent time with baby googles, and she said I was the best dad ever! (probably because she got away with alot more from me than Ms Googles would allow) So looking forward to having her back, and if this is what it would be like to not have her in my life, then I can't do it. I lover her too much, and P will not cost me my marriage. No way!
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Post by googles on Dec 19, 2007 7:51:21 GMT -5
Day 58
Been VERY busy lately, but is to be expected during the christmas rush. Feeling really good about approaching the new year P free, and really being able to BEGIN the new year with a sound committment to P abstainance. May 2008 be a year for many of us to finally break free of the P, and get on with the rest of our lives free of guilt, shame and disgust at our secret lives.
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Post by ingodwetrust on Dec 19, 2007 11:25:05 GMT -5
I have read your story and I think that you have made good progress. Keep up the good work p.s many of your thoughts were helpful to read as I'm going through similar things myself...
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 19, 2007 17:49:47 GMT -5
Congratulations. Glad you've almost reached your two month mark - that's terrific. What are you doing with the time you use to spend in your addiction? Is Mrs. Googles faring well with the changes you are making?
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Post by googles on Dec 21, 2007 13:11:57 GMT -5
Day 60
Hi Lookingup. I have spent the days without P doing work, fixing up the house we have just rented, and rejoining the gym. Feeling really great and positive these days, and things with Ms Googles have been almost too good. Feel like I am waiting for something bad to happen, and I don't know why, because everything nhas been going really well of late. Well it's probably me feeling that I am going to slip and mess things up, but I allow those feelings to come, to keep me on my guard, and to challenge me to continue along this road to complete abstainance from P and MB. I slipped and MB the other day, and without the P, it really wasen't even that enjoyable. By contrast, the s#$ with Ms Googles has been much better, and the feelings so much more intense. There are really no negatives to giving up P. Only positives. Hope you have a very merry christmas, and a bright and prosporous new year.
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Post by googles on Dec 21, 2007 13:12:41 GMT -5
Oh, and Lookingup, how DO you post 8,990 times? lol That must be some sort of record in here. Isn't it?
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 21, 2007 18:41:25 GMT -5
I'm retired and I type over 100+ words a minute. I have time on my hands and spend several hours a day here - it's not hard to get a high count. One person asked me once why I wasn't fully healed with that many posts! LOL. I dunno.....
Glad you realized mb wasn't nearly as enjoyable as connecting with Mrs. Googles. I understand that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling... it can really get annoying.
Hope you and your have a blessed and prosperous and loving Christmas season.
LookingUp
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Post by googles on Dec 24, 2007 8:07:03 GMT -5
Day 63
And probably the last post in this thread on this board. I hopethat LookingUp or someone else can copy the posts in this thread over to the new thread I am going to create in the new board. I can't because my computer is pretty locked down at work. If someone could assist me it would be greatly appreciated. Looking forward to NEVER having to post that I slipped on the new board! See you all over there.
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