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Post by googles on Nov 23, 2007 11:16:10 GMT -5
Day 32 The weekends seem to be the best for me, because I always have lots to do, and then before you know it, it's Monday, and I have been P free for another two days. I also am learning to have respect for my "lettle Fellow" and am really sorry for disrespecting him all of these years. He seems to be happy that I am not MB now, and that the signals he is getting from me are now more natural and not P related. With every breath that I take, I inhale clean thoughts, and exhale temnants of the P filth that has been stored up inside of me. May I NEVER get to cocky/comfortable in my journey to P freedom.
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Post by googles on Nov 26, 2007 8:09:56 GMT -5
Day 35 YES THAT"S RIGHT! Day 35, and just like that, I have gone from being 1/4 way to achieving my FIRST 100 days, to 1/3 of the way. I am so damn happy that I have finally begun the real journey to clean and honest living, and at the same time scared that I will one day forget the true reasons for my removingP from my life. Let me take some time to list them here, in no particular order 1. For ME! 2. For Ms Googles 3. For young Miss Googles. 4. For my family and friends, so they can get to knwo the "REAL" me 5. For my faith 6. For my soul 7. For my peace of mind 8. For respect for my body 9. For better sexualr elationship with Ms Googles 10. for all the other reasons that do not come to mind
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Post by googles on Nov 27, 2007 12:18:30 GMT -5
Day 36 I wish I could find a way to get Ms Googles to understand how much I TRULY love her. And I hope that this FINAL removal from my life of P will bring out more of the person that I want to be. I have been looking at P, defining my life around it, ever since I was 13 or probably younger. I am in my 40th year, and would love to reach that birthday 1 Yr 1 day free of P! That is the goal, and that is the destination. My sanity and happiness for Ms Googles and baby googles are my motivation. I hope that those who care about me continue to give me the much needed encouragement. Thanks for your support.
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Post by LookingUp on Nov 27, 2007 15:57:26 GMT -5
Congratulations on 36 days. That's terrific. It will take time for Ms Googles to believe you're sincere "this time" -- if you're not yet 40, then you have lots and lots of time to nurture, empathize, court and love her -- in time, hopefully she'll be at the place where she can accept these behaviors are from a heart of love for her.
Dazed and her husband have made a marriage recovery plan - would that be an option for you two?
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Post by googles on Nov 28, 2007 8:59:58 GMT -5
Day 37 I am not sure that the marriage plan is in the works, but I know that Ms Googles reads my journal from time to time, so she may think it is a good idea. I don't want to push her in a direction that she may not want to go. I thank you all for being here to support those of us who KNOW that P is not healthy for us as humab beings. I hope one day, after I am fully recovered, to be of help to others like myself who have struggled for years to get rid of this addiction.
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Post by googles on Nov 29, 2007 7:20:35 GMT -5
Day 38 Tirty eight days since the ultimate battle for my soul began. I by no means think that I am out of the woods, but I do think that I am happy to be able to make the effort. Recognising the hurt, pain and general mistrust this behavior has on my relationship, and indeed on most of the relationships that exist with SA's, is the MOST important part of beginning the long, hard road to recovery. Those young men and women who are not married, and therefore do not have SO issues to deal with, must be commended, because I believe that their journeys are even harder than those of us who have families as strong motivational forces for our recovery. And I KNOW how hard my own journey is.
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Post by googles on Nov 30, 2007 13:03:57 GMT -5
Day 39 I am going to put up my Christmas tree with my daughter this afternoon, and I know that she will be thrilled. It's amazing how early people are putting up their trees this year. Some of my friends have had theirs up for 2 weeks already, and this put's pressure on perants who know that this is way too early. How do you tell a child that her friends dad just put his up "too early" and that she has to wait? That's right, you can't. Well, on Monday it will be 41 days, but more importantly, it will be the start of December, a month that I have NEVER been without P and MB EVER! The reason is simple, overindulgance in booze and good food cause the mind to be weak. Not this year. I have learnt from my mistakes in the past, and want this to be my gift to myself and my family. No P in December. Someone should start a thread. OK, I will then! Have a great weekend, whoever comes in here to read this.
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Post by googles on Dec 3, 2007 11:54:48 GMT -5
Day 42 I feel good today, and thanks for askin! Day 42, and started a No Porn in December thread, that is pretty active and very positive. The thought of making it through December, and knowing that I probably will be able to make my new years resolution (as I always do) of no porn for the upcoming year.... and MEAN it, is almost too good to be true. I can hardly wait. I may have mentioned in a previous thread that I got two puppies on the beach, that had been malnourished and left by their owners (we actually saw the people drop the puppies off, as we know them well). I took them to their second vet's visit today, and they are doing REALLY WELL, very healthy, and the fur has grown back on the parts that were just bare and mangy. Amazing what a little love and affection can do for an animal (and a human too).
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 3, 2007 18:44:07 GMT -5
Congratulations on passing your 6 week mark of sobriety.
Was the tree decorating fun?
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Post by googles on Dec 7, 2007 12:37:05 GMT -5
Day 46
Hi Lookingup, the tree decorating went very well thank you. My daughter, who is 7, and Ms Googles did the decorating, after I did the grunt work with the lights. I have been very busy these last few days, but the great news is that it has NOT been with P or MB. Can you tell how well my recovery has been going? I am really sure it is because I have conencted the dots in the comparisons to my giving up smoking and now the P and MB. And the truth is that I miss neither. I feel so much calmer without that aggravation and destraction in my life. And I owe it ALL to you, Willin, and the entire board, who have been here for me whenever I needed support and a place to work on my thoughts. I may slip again (hopefully not) but the key is to not allow myself to get to the point where once again I am "enjoying" the P and MB. That's when I find it harder to quit. I don't believe that I will allow myself to slip like that ever again, because I feel to good these days to go back. Have a great weekend all. On Monday I will be on day 49!!!!!
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Post by witness on Dec 8, 2007 5:24:15 GMT -5
"I may slip again (hopefully not)"
Sounds to me like you expect to "slip" and there really is no such thing as a "slip" since it really is a choice we make.
I suggest you go do the free course over at Recovery Nation and get to the bottom of this. Otherwise I'm afraid you are just waiting for another fall.
Hope you don't mind the honesty. But you need to get to work and not just simply count the days.
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Post by googles on Dec 10, 2007 13:26:36 GMT -5
Day 49 of my recovery
Witness, you must be a fortune teller, because you are saying "exactly" what I am feeling. My computer at home is blocked from using the internet (by choice, as Ms Googles is away for the week). I will do the program as soon as she returns, because right now I feel like I am treading water. Not recovering, in as much as abstaining, which I don't think is the right thing for me to be doing. I want to get out of P feeling "healthy" and not just stay away because I think it is the right thing to do. Thanks for the jolt of honesty. I appreciate your opinion tremendously, and will take your advice.
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Post by googles on Dec 11, 2007 8:09:58 GMT -5
Day 50
Progressing nicely, but having moments of temptation that I am able to ignore. Looking forward to Ms Googles return so that I can FINALLY begin the 12 step process.
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Post by googles on Dec 12, 2007 14:59:17 GMT -5
Day 51
Christmas approaches, and so I am getting busy as hell. Miss Ms Googles terribly. Luckily she will be home in 2 days. Can't wait to see her. Will post more tomorrow if I have time.
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 12, 2007 20:55:11 GMT -5
Looking forward to you update. Congratulations on the 51 days sober. Have you noticed any changes in your perceptions/life with that long-term sobriety?
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