timetochange
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"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 14, 2007 1:06:07 GMT -5
Thanks for your kind words T. I particularly appreciate your comments about not giving up - they ring true with me right now. I want to keep on trying to beat this thing until I get the victory. NEVER SURRENDER!!!
Anyway, I appreciate the encouragement immensely. Yesterday I stuffed up (as mentioned amongst various expletives and angry comments!) Today is a new day, and I feel...Determined. Victory is still far off, but I don't want to stop trying until I get there.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 17, 2007 20:03:43 GMT -5
Day 5 today.
Feeling very tempted at the moment, but keep recalling my "no compromise" prayer that I prayed this morning. This seems to be enough to keep me off P at the moment.
Looking forward to making it through the rest of this day.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 17, 2007 22:22:37 GMT -5
And now I've slipped again. I guess I just don't want this badly enough. I feel like a fraud. My "no compromise" prayers did nothing. All my efforts to quit so far have yielded nothing. I don't know where to go from here.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 18, 2007 3:33:37 GMT -5
Just joined the "Way of Purity" course over at www.settingcaptivesfree.comI'm trusting it will make the difference between failure and victory. I don't want to give up until I have this thing beaten.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 19, 2007 21:26:27 GMT -5
The Way of Purity course has been a fantastic resource thus far. I'm up to Day 3, and I can't wait for tomorrow! I feel great today. I now have the assurance that I CAN beat this thing. I just have to start living out the battle, day by day, until the urge to look at p is destroyed.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 21, 2007 8:12:47 GMT -5
Struggling a bit tonight. I'm feeling vaguely aroused and in need of a "quick look" at p. However, I know this is not an option any longer.
Please Lord, help me be strong as I go to bed tonight.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 21, 2007 19:40:01 GMT -5
Last night was easier than I feared it would be. I thought a bit about general things, and then before I knew it it was morning. I'm thankful I didn't have to "wrestle through the night", because I'm not sure how much strength I would have had to do so.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 25, 2007 8:25:37 GMT -5
Another great day with God. He is giving me all the strength I need to get through this. In truth, I've hardly been tempted at all over these last couple of days.
Thank you Lord. Please keep me strong so that I can achieve victory over this for the rest of my life. Amen.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Sept 28, 2007 18:04:15 GMT -5
Yesterday and today have been difficult. I'm finding lesser things more triggering than they used to be. Ordinary women in the newspapers or on TV have suddenly become objects of lust, and I have to be careful not to let my eyes wander. Previously, there would have been no problem there. I guess the addiction tries to adjust to the changed circumstances!
The good news, however, is that I haven't fallen. At the end of today, I will have made it through 11 days. With God's help, I will keep on going and eventually make it into freedom.
One thing I have noticed is how slowly the days are going at the moment. I've been clean now for almost 11 days, but it seems like forever since my last p fix. In fact, I can hardly remember what I did then or what I looked at. My memories of p are slowly fading away, as well as the associated shame and guilt. I can't wait until I'm completely free from this filth!
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 1, 2007 6:47:19 GMT -5
Things are getting better and better. Today I hardly thought of p. It's now been 13 days, which equals my previous longest time of sobriety since I've been keeping records.
This thing is beaten now. I'm nearly 100% certain I won't be going back to p. Of course, I'll still have to fight against it and not give in. However, my relationship with God is just too important to sacrifice for this lame rubbish. God is giving me His strength to overcome, and every day that goes by in which I was clean is another testament to His power and grace in my life.
Lord, I thank you for setting me free. Amen.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 4, 2007 20:50:26 GMT -5
Day 17
The temptations are getting stronger. Last night I came within an inch of falling - praise God he rescued me just in time. This morning, p has been on my mind continually.
Lord God, I ask for your strength in this battle. Please equip me with all the things I need to overcome. Please let me know your love, because it is only in your love that I can put the false love of p to death. Amen.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 8, 2007 7:54:59 GMT -5
Day 20 I'm so proud of myself today. I never imagined I would be standing here, with 20 days of freedom behind me. But here I am Please everyone, I ask you never to give up. This thing can be beaten. But you must never give up until you have achieved the victory. As Winston Churchill said: "Never surrender!!!" It's my prayer today that you may all find freedom from this addiction.
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 13, 2007 8:08:54 GMT -5
Day 25
Wow! I never imagined in my wildest dreams I could make it this far! Now I just have to keep on keeping on.
Have I still been struggling? Have I still faced temptation? Sure. These last few days have been intense. But someting inside me has changed. When I hear the voice of p, luring me back into my addiction, I have the power to say no.
God bless you all. I pray that everyone on these boards who truly wants freedom will find it. It's not easy, but it's certainly worth it!
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 18, 2007 2:31:34 GMT -5
Day 30
I'm still going strong. Actually, I should re-phrase that. I'm still feeling weak, but God is moving within me and making me strong. It's God's help that has made all the difference in this battle. Without Him, I would still be a slave today. With Him, I am a conqueror and a victor over p and mb. All praise, honour and glory to God!
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Oct 20, 2007 4:34:48 GMT -5
I slipped up today. Looked at p and used mb. I feel awful. Truly. There's nothing more I can say about it. I stuffed up, full stop. No excuses. So, where to from here? Back into freedom, or back into slavery? God, please give me the strength to choose rightly. God, I'm sorry.
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