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Post by hopeflows on Jul 31, 2007 12:06:38 GMT -5
I wonder how many times I'll start over before I get it right? New names, new journals. Nothing fits. I don't know who I am anymore. I built my life around you and the kids, and now you're all gone. There wasn't one move I made, or one prayer I prayed, that you four weren't a part of. That's one of the reasons I have such a hard time understanding your actions. How can you be so sooo self-serving?? HOW COULD YOU? Part of me hopes I never understand you, because I don't want to take even the most remote chance of being like you. The nightmares are back in full force. What kind of "thing" are you, that you could leave such filth for me to find? You hate me, and I don't know why. Will you always haunt me? Will I ever escape your torment? There were times, I honestly thought I was looking into the eyes of the devil himself. An endless pit of cruelty, violence, and anger. A need inside you to hurt me. You enjoyed it. You still do. You terrify me, but I will not back down again. Ever.
Now, because of your actions, I have to start a completely new life. New job, new home, new everything. I don't want to do this. I am a creature of habit, and major changes scare me. My pain seems to give you a great deal of pleasure. I hope you're happy.
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 8:13:49 GMT -5
.....and stop telling me you love me. You don't know the meaning of the word. In fact, I wish you wouldn't talk to me at all. Don't email either. You were never interested in anything I had to say before if it didn't match your opinions, why are you still trying to communicate with me now? Your feeble attempts at justification are laughable. There are NO excuses for your behavior. You did exactly as you chose. You still do. For once in your life, be a man, and just leave me alone. Please.
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Post by unbreakable on Aug 1, 2007 8:33:14 GMT -5
Still impressed by your strength.
Make it clear you aren't hearing. Tell him you delete his emails without reading because he's trying to use them to emotionally blackmail you and you've had it with being involved in his games.
Set yourself some boundaries and be proud of them. For now THIS kind of strength is WHO YOU ARE and you wait and see how a new you blooms out of that.
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Post by dazednconfused on Aug 1, 2007 9:25:35 GMT -5
Glad you back-
my hietous was due to an inability to log-on. It took a few days to fix and now I am back and still no baby!
I am glad you are getting all your feelings out here. I am sorry you had such a rough week or so. The nice thing about a clean slate is you can draw whatever you want on it. The scary thing is deciding what the picture will be.
peace and prayer hon
-daisy
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 9:54:18 GMT -5
You know, U, I have never replied to any of his emails and he STILL sends at least one a day. In the one this morning, he went into his song and dance routine about how this is all my fault anyway. If I had been a good wife, and done exactly as he said....then none of this would have ever happened. He says I'm "trainable". WTH is trainable? I have no desire to be in his WhoresWalkingATightDi@k Act. He followed it with "I love you". ummm, yeah, sure he does. Daisy, maybe you need to come walk with me. Perhaps a little gravity will help get that lil darlin moving  |
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Post by unbreakable on Aug 1, 2007 10:06:55 GMT -5
I think reading those emails is poisonous to you.
Delete them without reading and be clear to him and YOURSELF that there is NOTHING he could say that interests you anymore. And if that's the case, why waste your time reading them.
Try it, delete them without reading. See how liberating it is.
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 10:17:19 GMT -5
Okay mister. I won't read damaging emails if you won't .
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Post by unbreakable on Aug 1, 2007 10:26:27 GMT -5
Oh ok wow, you might have me.
How about this, I should allow at least one response, if it contains any kind of emotional blackmail I will delete it, not respond and never read one again. How about that?
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 10:32:11 GMT -5
I'll bet five deletes that it contains SOME sort of emotional blackmail.
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Post by unbreakable on Aug 1, 2007 10:34:39 GMT -5
We're betting deletes? So if you win and she does try to emotionally blackmail me on first contact (I'll allow text or email) then I have to delete the next 5 without reading?
Deal, as long as you take the same deal,
in fact I'll raise you this proviso - you have to tell them that you wont be reading anymore of their messages as you aren't prepared to be emotionally blackmailed?
Are you in? ;D
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 10:43:45 GMT -5
and I'll raise you. Not only do you have to delete the next 5 without reading, you can NOT respond to said emails or text either ;D
in fact I'll raise you this proviso - you have to tell them that you wont be reading anymore of their messages as you aren't prepared to be emotionally blackmailed? If I do this, it will mean responding at all, which I haven't done to date.
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Post by unbreakable on Aug 1, 2007 10:51:30 GMT -5
I'm in
Hmmm, I take your point about not responding at all. OK, forget that proviso ...
*shakes on it*
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 10:51:31 GMT -5
I confused myself with that last one. If you are deleting the replies then you couldn't possibly respond to them now could you?
Here we go.....No more reading emails or texts. Period. The end. Bye Bye h, and bye bye Stacy. Deal?
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Post by hopeflows on Aug 1, 2007 14:45:12 GMT -5
Sorry U. I've already lost. He marked it urgent, and dummy here clicked it. Apparently, I get another chance to be "a good wife" and participate in an upcoming uhh "party". After all, most women would give anything to be in my shoes and have their husband offer them these wonderful opportunities (his words, not mine). He just can't understand why I would refuse something that would be so much fun for everyone. Something we could share together and have a stronger marriage. I swear, I will never understand his thinking.
Can I get a do-over?
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Post by dazednconfused on Aug 1, 2007 19:04:48 GMT -5
HOpe-
does your email have a "spam" setting. Just set his email to "always spam": and then set the spam to be deleted on exit. Then you do need to even see his name in your in-box. Or change your email address- although that isn;t asshole proof either.
This is your do-over. All these difficult changes in your world right now give you a clean slate.. I'll send you play dough to beat the hell out of and washable markers to color on paper (or yourself) with.
peace-
daisy
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