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Post by wanttochange024 on May 13, 2007 15:19:46 GMT -5
I'm finding that I have a lot of growing to do in my life. There are many things that are happening in my life that I feel I can improve upon. The way I respond to people and problems that come my way. I feel like I should think about things more before I act upon or respond to them.
I will try to temper my actions with wisdom.
I will walk in the light of God!
Today has been a good day. It's Mother's Day, and I will spend the day with family and my wife. I hope that everyone on the support board has a great porn free day.
Remember to Think Good Thoughts & CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION!
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 15, 2007 18:43:14 GMT -5
Trying to grow, control my PA and my reactions to things. I try not to get hung up on everything being so important. Don't get me wrong I know that there are things that are important. I'm just trying to take things a little easier. To lay back and let things flow. To try to enjoy life a little more. I've been reading more about PA in my books and from post on this site. I feel like I understand PA much better than when I began. It's hard to think that two months ago I was trying to sneak a look at some porn site several times a week. I haven't gone back to my P email or any of the sites that I used. I feel good today, I've felt good this week. I feel strong and I don't want to return to the old me (old, HAHA it's only been a few weeks now). I try to stay focused each day on living P free. I've done better at redirecting any bad thoughts that come around. Last night I had a dream about zombies. This was kind of strange to me because I'm not a horror movie fan at all. But after I got up and started thinking about the dream. I remember feeling like some kind of zombie when viewing P sites. I would sit wide eyed clicking through site after site. Before I knew it hours had gone by, what a waste of time. So, maybe this dream is tied to my recovery somehow? Glad to be P free today. I will continue to Think Good Thoughts! I WILL CHANGE MY PERCEPTION! wtc024
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Post by tiktok on May 15, 2007 19:56:44 GMT -5
Thanks for your encouragement in my journal. I appreciate it very much!
tiktok
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Post by tiktok on May 16, 2007 6:42:56 GMT -5
I came back this a.m. and read your journal. Reading about your success has made me feel more committed to a porn-free life!
tiktok
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 17, 2007 19:29:17 GMT -5
Thanks tictok that's kind of cool. I come here to post things that I'm dealing with and how I'm doing with this whole recovery thing and it helps someone else. That's cool.
Had a hard afternoon today, felt some strong temptations to view P. But I'm OK. I think I need to get off the computer, the voice is still trying to tempt me. So I'm going to go practice my guitar now, good night.
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 18, 2007 17:23:18 GMT -5
Feeling better today than yesterday. The voice kept telling me that it would be OK to just look at a little P. That it wouldn't hurt anything. We all know how wrong this lie is, it would hurt me, my SO and my recovery over PA. Be quiet voice!
I've been reading more about why I started viewing P and continued this behavior for as long as I did. I'm trying to understand my mind set at the time, so that I can change how my mind thinks about this crap that has brought us all together. I don't enjoy thinking about this but I know that it is important for me to think about this process and not fall back into these types of behaviors again.
It's hard to think that I'm going to have to stay on top of these thoughts everyday for a long time, possibly the rest of my life. That's still better than living a life viewing P and hiding and lying. I do not like the person that P made me. I want to be better than that. I like who I am now, without viewing P.
I will continue to Think Good Thoughts. I will change my PERCEPTION.
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 20, 2007 13:36:54 GMT -5
Yesterday was a difficult day, I was tempted to act out and return to my old behaviors of viewing P. I'm OK, but yesterday was a hard day.
Today I'm feeling better, it's a beautiful day outside and I'm grateful for being P free. I'm feeling strong and I'm happy about who I am. Thanks be to God. Coming closer to God has helped me in my fight with PA. With Gods help I will overcome my addiction and change my perception of who I am going to become.
Thank Good Thoughts! Change Your Perception!
wtc024
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Post by daveb on May 21, 2007 18:04:05 GMT -5
Thank you so much wanttochange024! To tell you the thruth I think it is a blessing from God that we have come together. People needing each other is a great thing for this world and for all of us. It seems like we live so isolated from each other in all ways. We are making history here all of us together. Let us pray that more people will join us on the journey. This board is a revolution greater than any war can produce. Lets talk soon... daveb
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Post by nm05 on May 21, 2007 21:56:54 GMT -5
It's good to see you here wtc024. I hope you continue down your sobriety. I truly do hope that you will be open to God's graces and will continue to grow on your path of sobriety.
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 22, 2007 19:39:03 GMT -5
Thanks daveb and nm05 for your post and support. It's true that we need each other so that we may talk about this path to recovery. I'll pray that we will continue to do well on our journey and that we will find others along the way. Thanks again.
I'm feeling good right now, however, the voice has been strong this week. The voice is trying to tempt me into going to porn sites on line. The voice says that it will be OK to go back one more time, just for a little while, no one will know, it want hurt anyone. How wrong the voice is, it's not OK, not for a little while, I will know, it will hurt me, my wife, my recovery... I will not go back to my past behaviors. No matter how much the voice tempts me. I am changing my perception of who I will be. I will think good thoughts. I will overcome.
Lord, come into my heart and help me overcome this addiction, help me to change my perception, help me to think good thoughts. Thank you God for being with me in my fight against this addiction, thank you for helping me to change my perception, thank you for giving me good thoughts. Thanks for this moment without P.
wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 29, 2007 8:39:18 GMT -5
It's been several days since my last post. The past week has been hard, lots of tempting thoughts. Most of the thoughts were redirected quickly but some were hard to get out of my mind.
I've been reading some of the journals on this site and they hit home no matter who's journal I read. We are all going through some hard times in our lives right now. I'm so glad that we are here together so that we may help one another to see that we can make it through the hard times. And that the hard times do not last forever.
Over the past two months, I've started working on my path to recovery. I never thought that I would find this kind of support by just coming to this site. So many people on this support board have helped me make it to where I am now. I know that I wouldn't have made it through the past two months without your support.
I will continue to come here for support and I hope that I will be able to give back some of the support that I've received.
THANK YOU!
wtc024
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Post by Valjean on May 30, 2007 5:22:21 GMT -5
Hey wanttochange, glad to see you here after your little break; glad to see you're still clean too I think a lot of people are finding it pretty tough at the moment, I've noticed that a lot on this board, slips always seem to come together as well. We truly do rise and fall as one here, I really believe that. All we can do is fight the voice one day at a time! Keep hanging there my friend. Keep watching those thoughts, you're doing a great job so far. You're wife must be so proud of you Valjean
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Post by wanttochange024 on May 30, 2007 9:10:36 GMT -5
Thanks valjean, stay strong my friend. I'll be leaving Friday for FLA and I wanted to get out some of my feelings about taking this trip to the beach. I've been concerned about this trip for some time now. I'm concerned that I will do to much ogling at the beach. Ferdberfil gave me some advise on dealing with ogling a few weeks back and I've been using it with some good results. It the three second rule with no second looks. It sounds simple, but maybe thats why it works. Last night I went to a local bar to perform at an open mic. I haven't been to a bar in many months, almost a year. So I was kind of concerned about ogling the young women that I knew would be there. I used the three second rule with no second looks and I felt great about being out performing and listening to some local talent. I enjoyed the moment and drank a couple of beers and talked with some old and new friends. I'll be going back in a couple of weeks to do it again. I'm so grateful of the advise that is shared by those of you on this support board with more experience. Your support has helped me as I have started down my road to recovery. Sometimes the simplest thing can be of great help. I thank God for leading me to this site. For it is here that I realize that I'm not alone in my fight to overcome my PA. For it is here that I've learned many thing about PA. SA feeds off of my lust, PA does hurt people (my wife, me, my family...), support from my wife can help in my overcoming my PA, that I may always be susceptible to my PA. I change my perception toward women and lust. I realize that my PA can and does hurt many. I accept my wife's support in overcoming my PA. I accept the fact that I may always be susceptible to my PA. I expect the best and I will receive the best! I envision only that which is for my highest good. I think good thoughts! wtc024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Jun 1, 2007 10:06:03 GMT -5
May is over and now it's time to work on making it through June. I'll be leaving for FLA later today, so I want be posting for about ten days or so. I'm looking forward to some time alone with my wife. The beach, the sun, the sand, my cooler of beer, my books, the surf, the wind and some seafood.
I've been concerned about ogling while at the beach. So, I'll be using the three second rule with no second looks. I hope this works, wish me luck. I'm going to need it. I'll let you know how things go when I return.
Since I want have the support board while I'm gone, I'm going to write in my journal if I feel like I need to vent or get something off my chest. I might post some of my entry's when I return.
May God give me strength each day to overcome my PA. Thank you Lord for each and everyday that I've been free of P.
wtc024
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on Jun 5, 2007 4:26:16 GMT -5
Hello wtc024!
Thanks for reading my journal! I read yours and really liked it: great problem identification and systematic approach to solving them. You are doing really good.
You will soon be getting to a new zone: 3 to 9 months sobriety. You might find that the tools that helped you in earlier recovery don't really apply as efficitenly. Plan it well for you can make it.
I really like that 3 second rule with no second looks. seems to give a nice balance between natural curiosity and a level of control. I'll use it too when I face the situation. Of course, if you were to look at your watch to precisely count the 3 seconds, it would solve the ogling problem all together!! :-)
Stay Clean!
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