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Post by belikejob on Jul 10, 2006 22:48:28 GMT -5
Yeah I agree. The more triggers I can stay away from, the easier recovery will be. Thanks for the links. My wife wants to do the marriage builders one.
Whoa I just looked at how many posts you've made since you joined. You're a busy man! Thanks for all that you contribute to the board. Stay Strong.
BeLikeJob
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 11, 2006 16:02:44 GMT -5
BLJ,
I'm doing just fine today, how are you? Temptation is low and manageable.
1Cor10
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Post by belikejob on Jul 12, 2006 13:14:39 GMT -5
Hey 1Cor10... I'm still sober from p and mb, but the temptation to go in that direction was there last night. I'm on vacation right now, so I've had more free time on the computer than normal. I was on "the Emergency Help thread" and arze had just written a post that said this: "It always starts the same for me. For a few days, it's OK, then I just take a little peek at a fairly tame picture. Then the next day, a little more. This is the third day and the inevitable big slip is what usually happens. How can I make it different today?" This describes me last night. I was on myspace checking my inbox and groups that I'm on. I had some new friend requests from people that I knew back in school, and I usually like to go and look at their friends list to see if there is anyone that I also know. This is normal activity for me, but last night I would click on people's profiles that I didn't know, and look for things that I considered to be tame pictures, but at the same time "entertaining to the eyes" without going over "the line". I didn't feel lust in the way that I wanted any of the girls that I saw, but it wasn't innocent searching for old friends either (which is how it had originally started). My wife and I have talked about how surfing around can suck me into triggering/tempting situations like last night. One thing leads to another, so I had to step back and ask myself, what am I doing? -->What I want to do from now on is just check my inbox/friend requests and get out of there. This is one of the ways I need for you to keep me accountable.<-- Surfing around looking for things that are entertaining to my eyes will eventually lead to more... and I feel like doing that (surfing around looking for "not porn, so it's okay"), is pretty close to a slip anyways. I really need to hold myself to more than that... I don't want to ask to myself "hmmm, what on here is ok to look at so I don't lose my sobriety?".... What I need to ask myself is: "Am I getting entertainment or enjoyment from looking at this?"... "What are my motivations for being here?"... "Am I trying to get as close to the line as I can without going over?". I need to RUN in the other direction when triggering things come in my path, not justify looking at it and say, "oh, this really isn't that bad, and aren't I being a little too legalistic and hard on myself anyway?"... No! I can't lose focus of why I'm here. Yes, I am here to get p/mb out of my life, but I also want to eliminate lust, and the effect that the daily triggers/temptations have on me. I want to eliminate the curiosity that draws me to these kinds of things. Wishful thinking? Hope not... Please help me stay strong Lord!!! Last night showed me that I really need to set the bar higher if I really want to get where I feel like the Lord wants me to be in my life. I can't settle for anything less. It's not recovery if I'm not moving forward. Be Strong BeLikeJob
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 12, 2006 15:13:37 GMT -5
BLJ,
So how's things this afternoon? I think you'll find that searching for innocent things had been a huge problem for all of us at one time or another. If you read my journal entry from today you'll know that I'll happily help, if only because I've been down that road myself. I'm doing fine this afternoon. A few small triggers, but I just worked on putting good, strong sentences together in my journal and the concentration helped me get through. Be well my Brother.
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Post by belikejob on Jul 12, 2006 19:52:51 GMT -5
Great post in your journal today 1Cor10. I've been doing great this afternoon. I posted some scriptures on the Christian thread that have been helping me out.
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Post by belikejob on Jul 13, 2006 12:06:26 GMT -5
Doing great today. Keeping in good spirits and trying to stay busy and not get lazy. That's one thing that would always drive me to act out. The free days that I would feel like being lazy and do nothing all day... those days, for me, were always the easiest to fall. I think it's important to try and schedule things on days that you know will be free days. Whether it's doing something with your wife/kids/friends, I think it takes away a lot of the volume of the temptation's voice.
I've started working out with my wife. Hopefully we'll be able to keep that up. I know we both want to, it's just making the time for it.
Stay Strong BeLikeJob
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 13, 2006 14:14:42 GMT -5
Working out the your wife is a fabulous goal. Not only for the fact that you'll be physically healthier, but a shared hobby is always good. My wife and I can't say we share much for hobbies, or tastes either. I think you've ID'd another glaring trigger, being home alone with nothing much to do leads me to mindlessly surf and that will eventually lead to trouble. I think your suggestion from earlier about building lists of triggers is a good one. Might take me a day or two though, I'm not feeling real well and I'm a little fuzzy from not sleeping. Glad all's going well today.
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 14, 2006 10:30:49 GMT -5
BLJ, to our list of triggers and bizzare coincidence, let's add that you and I get our online news from the same source and leave it at that. How are things today? Did you get to the gym today?
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Post by belikejob on Jul 14, 2006 16:46:31 GMT -5
Hey, Nope haven't gone yet. Hoping to get there later today, but we ate lunch not to long ago. We'll probably head out in 2 hours. Online news from the same source/bizzare coincidence... what do you mean? I usually just read the headlines on yahoo. I figure that's the important world stuff, and I sometimes watch the 5/6 o'clock news on tv. I'm doing well today. Haven't spent a lot of time on the internet. That sure makes things a lot easier. BLJ
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Post by belikejob on Jul 15, 2006 2:28:42 GMT -5
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 15, 2006 19:42:15 GMT -5
Good stuff Brother. How's the fight going today? Any seious triggers?
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Post by belikejob on Jul 16, 2006 11:15:28 GMT -5
Hey, it's Sunday morning and I just woke up. I got a kick out of this. Last night I had a dream about coming to post on this board. That's a first. I guess that's one way to avoid temptations in your dreams. Ha ha ha. Hey 1cor, I'm doing fine. No triggers. How are things going for you? Off to church. Have a great day everyone! Stay in the good fight! BLJ
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Post by MJ on Jul 16, 2006 15:07:51 GMT -5
Interesting dream, belikejob! It's a good sign!
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Post by belikejob on Jul 17, 2006 2:01:30 GMT -5
Hey MJ, yeah it was kinda weird... but in a good way haha. I like that quote at the bottom of your screen.
"Don't convince yourself that you're GOING to have slips; they're NOT a guaranteed occurrence. If you believe they're inevitable someday, you're giving yourself permission to have one."---Geoff
Very true. Wise words from a wise man.
Stay Strong BLJ
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Post by 1Cor10 on Jul 17, 2006 14:05:17 GMT -5
BLJ, how are you my friend? Been keeping an eye on those triggers and staying ahead of the curve? Hope all's well.
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