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Post by want2Bgood on Jan 24, 2005 0:21:49 GMT -5
Recently two women have posted on the board asking for help regarding porn, masturbation and sex addictions. Some of us said helpful things, some attacked them, and others accused the women of being “trolls.” Many of us thought that their posts were “triggering,” meaning that their posts made us addicts want to look at porn and masturbate. I doubt they would have been triggering to me if they had been written by men, but because they are written by women, it immediately reminded me of porn I have read or seen. My mind got caught up in the visual details, and I had trouble reading the part at the end about wanting to stop, feeling ashamed, needing help. The truth is that we probably won’t be much help to a woman like this, because it’s hard to look beyond the triggering language. So what are we to do? Here we are, addicts looking for help and support with this problem of porn, but we read a message that sounds a lot like what wehave vowed to avoid! My hope is that we can: 1) Assume the person is legitimate 2) Skip a post that you find triggering, and focus on your recovery. 3) Perhaps send a thoughtful, respectful instant message to the person asking to remove some of the details, and/or add the word "Triggering!" to the title. 4) Don’t reply to a message unless you can say something useful, or supportive about her recovery. Let’s not: 1) Attack 2) Accuse her of being a troll 3) Question whether she is telling the truth 4) Reply saying how triggering and disrespectful her messages are. This actually might be a useful thing in our recovery. If a post reminds of us porn in some way, but is a legitimate request for help, it can help us notice the humanity of those women.
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Post by determined on Jan 27, 2005 6:51:02 GMT -5
Hi-I'm new here and don't know if I post simply by clicking 'reply'. Also, can you clarify 'procedure for doing so etc before I start-
determined
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Post by Webmaster on Jan 27, 2005 8:52:39 GMT -5
There are two ways to post: Click Reply to reply to the thread you are reading, or click New Topic from the main list of topics or threads to start a new thread.
And welcome!
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Post by want2Bgood on Feb 17, 2005 0:24:39 GMT -5
By the way, the Webmaster here is named Wes. He does not post a lot. He has stated that (at this point) he prefers to pursue his recovery in the real world through meetings and stuff. Wes is the moderator of the Partners side, and one of two moderators of the General Board.
In the old days, Wes owned the board, and was the only moderator. Then, due to the volume of posts and Wes' inability to keep up on his own, he appointed Nasa as an additional moderator. At some point, Nasa disappeared and deleted his screen name as he basically left the board. Then he returned with a new name Nasa but was/is still the same old Nasa.
Al became a moderator in his stead in the Spring of 2003, and created another screen name Moderator/Al (in addition to his screen name Al) to make it clear when he was acting in his moderator role, or laying down the law.
If a thread gets out of control, with personal attacks, trolls, etc., one of the moderators will lock and/or delete the thread. They can also boot members off the board.
If you have a complaint about a thread or a member, you can e-mail one of the moderators with a complaint, etc.
Hope this helps.
W2BG
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Post by dilbert on Feb 22, 2005 8:13:50 GMT -5
If anyone wants a program to count their sober time, you can download one I made here: members.lycos.co.uk/bob(expletive)It's basically a tiny program that displays your current sober time in seconds, minutes, hours, days and weeks. It has a count of the current day, the current week and the running totals. Read the readme.txt link about how to use and install it. If you have problems running it and get errors, download the Visual Basic Run-time files and the fix.zip. Unzip the fix.zip and run reg.bat and it should all work! If you have any problems PM me or post in the "Free Sobriety Software" thread - which you probably will have to dig up using the search. Dilbert
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Post by dilkusha on Mar 5, 2005 20:28:55 GMT -5
what can I say I cant believe this is all this serious! I look back now and see what a complete ass I have been. Its been there for a long long time and just because everyone i know does I think its all clear and legit. It has affected my confidence, my persepctive and more than anything else my relationships-(expletive)!! it makes me angry now. I have a quicl question if anyone there is willing to drop a word of advice. I find that once I stop Mb for a while I become a complete and utter lech,staring at and hitting on every other woman I meet! this is really odd as i am basically an introvert. Whatsay?
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Post by GrowingWiser on Mar 5, 2005 20:38:31 GMT -5
what can I say I cant believe this is all this serious! I look back now and see what a complete ass I have been. Its been there for a long long time and just because everyone i know does I think its all clear and legit. It has affected my confidence, my persepctive and more than anything else my relationships-crap!! it makes me angry now. I have a quicl question if anyone there is willing to drop a word of advice. I find that once I stop Mb for a while I become a complete and utter lech,staring at and hitting on every other woman I meet! this is really odd as i am basically an introvert. Whatsay? Dilkusha, your post may not be noticed in this thread. For more responses, you might want to copy and paste your post into a new thread. Start a new thread by clicking on "New Thread" from the General Board.
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Post by bigproblem on Mar 18, 2005 8:55:55 GMT -5
This might not be exactly the place for this but I thought I'd post a short note for new members.
Please take advantage of the shock of self-knowledge that comes from being on the board for the first time and seeing yourself for who you really are - a porn addict.
That shock can be very useful in stopping porn. If you scroll around this board you'll see a lot of people who used this initial impetus to make a break for a clean life.
Those who get on the board and then immediately start to slip again seem destined for a really long and hard slog before they clamber out of this cesspool.
Good luck.
100 days clean since I first logged on.
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Post by breamarie on Mar 24, 2005 11:53:53 GMT -5
I am relieved to know that I'm not alone in this battle. Being a SO of a PA is tough. It's even harder because we're newlyweds. It's more difficult to be the daughter of a PA. My dad is dear to my heart. I'm wondering what led him to this.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Apr 16, 2005 19:55:16 GMT -5
Choselife suggested this should be posted up here in the new members thread, so I'm adding a link to it - I don't recall anything similar being linked here before. It's a thread called "vocabulary for success", and it deals with the way people can use language to change the way they feel about things - recovery being one of those. Here's the link : lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1113633606
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alan
Junior Member
Posts: 52
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Post by alan on May 20, 2005 13:36:49 GMT -5
Hi. I'm new here.
I'm wondering if anybody has any advice about the most effective ways to use this board as a tool for recovery -- specifically, how many threads do most people try to keep track of? As posters? As readers? The same question applies to the Journals section. In addition to posting to your own, how many others do you read? Are there connections between what goes on in the journals and over on the general discussion board? There's obviously a lot more going on here than any one person can keep track of (unless you're trying to substitute generalized internet addiction for P/MB addiction.
I'd appreciate anybody's insights and experiences. Thanks.
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Post by Webmaster on May 27, 2005 10:02:54 GMT -5
Note: Since proboards moved us from server 15 to server 48, some of the links in this thread are old. If clicking on the link directs you back to the main page, change the link from lightwave.proboards15.com/etc. to lightwave.proboards48.com/etc. and that should get you to the proper place.
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Post by nomorefun on May 27, 2005 15:25:43 GMT -5
Hi. I just registered on this site, my name reflects how i feel about this. I'm just reading some of your other postings, getting a feel for this. Wondering how it might help me, or if it will. I don't personally have an addiction, but the man I'm supposed to be getting married to does, and i feel really frustrated right now. so, lets see.
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Post by nomorefun on May 27, 2005 15:56:44 GMT -5
I look at what you are saying, and while I can agree with you, the reality of this situation in my life isn't meshing with it. If I try to go at the man in my life with these as helpful ways of controlling an addiction (one he doesn't think he has), it simply isn't going to work. Is there another way to speak to people about PA without it being religously based? As I said, it isn't that I disagree with you, but that simply won't work with him. I have just started to look for some type of guidance, everything thus far seems to be in the manner of religion. At which point, I am literally at a concrete wall.
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Post by Webmaster on May 28, 2005 18:45:19 GMT -5
Nomorefun:
You may want to try posting these questions on the Partners Forum if you haven't discovered it yet. And this board is not a "religious" board although many people here do make expressions of faith.
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