|
Post by foxbat on Dec 7, 2005 4:15:25 GMT -5
Foxbat - You'll have to forgive my obtuseness! For some reason I just don't associate pa with women, but it exists. Sorry. No biggie. Just wanted to make sure you knew we were out there. Now, I have to be careful with my response here. I wish to educate without triggering anyone, which I've found in the past is a difficult balancing act. If I say anything out of line, someone please let me know and I'll go back and erase it, OK? MB is not always associated with porn for women, no. Not all women SA view porn. Not all women SA mb. Not all women SA have affairs, or have sex with multiple partners, or have sex at all. Some do none of the above. Female SA are a strange, tricky breed. Something they all do seem to have in common are the sexual fantasies (and I'm talking CRAPloads) and possibly obsessions, but I'm not positive on that. I'd have to go get my Women SA Handbook (not really called that) that describes all these characteristics in detail, but it's in the trunk of my car and it's frickin' cold outside. You'll have to wait. Once I get it, I'll give you a full run-down if you like. In the mean time, if it helps, I can describe myself: Porn. I turn to porn only in my darkest hours, but when I do it's bad (like 12-hour-marathon-bad). I'm usually depressed, rejected, the world has turned against me. The rest of the time I WANT to look at porn but I can usually talk myself out of it. If I see something suggestive on TV I can't turn the channel, I have to wait for something else to intervene. But I only go hunting, and fall for porn on average 1-2 times a year and mb is always associated with it. MB. This is one of my biggest challenges to date, in fact in my life. I've been mb since I was at least seven. When I couldn't stop by 12, that's when I knew I had a problem. I've been clean for two months now and that's a huge accomplishment for me. It's the thing I'm most proud of right now and what I'm counting as my "sobriety." Fantasizing. This is THE biggest challenge for me. Without the thoughts, there are no actions. So I'm working on the thoughts. With the help from my therapist I'm doing much better. It's taken a long time but by working on my sense of self and character it's a lot easier than having to fight it day in and day out. They're still there of course but not nearly like they were before. I think of it like weeds. Before I was always just pulling at the weeds and they'd grow right back, but now with the help of the therapist I'm killing the roots and they don't grow back anymore. It's just nice not to have to fight it anymore like before. It's just getting so much better. Obsessions. I regularly obsessed about specific men several times a day. I rarely think about my favorites anymore. Guess they won't need those restraining orders after all. Sex with loads of men. I was a virgin when I got married (baaarely...but only thanks to him.) and I was/am faithful to my husband now, so I'm good there. Affairs. Same. I had one issue with an "emotional affair" with a guy online a couple years ago that made my marriage very difficult of course. My husband was more upset about that than he was about learning I was a sex addict. I tend to shy away from intense friendships like that now. I think I covered everything, but I hope I didn't share too much. I tried to use what everyone else has been sharing as a guage. Did that answer your question? From what I've read, at any given SA/SSA meeting about 1/3 of the SAs are women. In the church (according to my therapist, who hereafter I shall refer to as "Dr. Phil" because he is about as in-your-face as he is) the numbers of women SA who come forward are far fewer, mostly due to shame and embarassment and the stigma attached to sex=women within our society. But Dr. Phil assures me they are certainly there. As I said, I am his only female SA at this time and I'm only his third in his entire 28-year career, whereas at any given time he has between 10 and 15 or so male SAs depending on whether it's just after the Priesthood Session of GC or not. (He says he just waits for the calls to come in like a flood. Gotta love guilt.) Yes, I certainly did, and thank you for responding. Sure beats looking at porn, eh? ;D
|
|
|
Post by waterbug on Dec 9, 2005 0:56:40 GMT -5
Foxbat....and all.
Interesting that you mentioned bottling up your anger...I think you may have helped me find another trigger... When I was married I did this alot... sex usually was to help relieve stress. And if I think about, when I was rejected,, then i went out channel hopping looking for stimulation... once It was found, p and mb occured and a relief of my pent up anger.. I do agree with you.
Some of you asked why, after loosing all I have why I continue down this road... simply it just for me. I've hated myself for soooo long, and really hesitated in lots of church callings and functions because of my dark secret. "I have never....ever felt accepted in church", a terrible way to live my life... You may to choose to do it for other reasons (all which are good), but there may be a time, weather here or the hearafter, where we may have to live with our desires. (my thoughts, not as a guilt trip, cuz Im not that way...its just so real for me now) Living alone, I had started to hate myself. Hate for my life, the way I lived it, ashamed for the lack of control I had over myslef. This really bugs me something terrible now..that I don't have control over my desires and thoughts. Possibly a form of hell?
enjoyed your posts...
Thanks for your posts everyone.
|
|
|
Post by nurlond on Dec 13, 2005 10:52:55 GMT -5
Hi, everyone. I've been gone for awhile with school demands, but I'm still going strong. It's great to see all the new people here, and to read all the discussion. I hope everyone is making progress in their recovery.
I wanted to ask everyone here how the Book of Mormon reading has helped them. When I first heard Pres. Hinckley's letter that said:
"Without reservation I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."
I knew this challenge was for me. No sooner did I commence reading the Book of Mormon than I received strength in my temptations. I began to pray more and I felt closer to the Lord. Not surprisingly, that coincided with my becoming sober again, and that sobriety has continued until today. I feel so blessed of the Lord for extending those blessings to me through His prophet.
My question to you is: What experiences have you had reading the Book of Mormon these last few months, and how has it helped you?
I will share one quick thought. Alma told his son Helaman:
"Preach unto them repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart: teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ."--Alma 37:33
May we all overcome temptation through our faith in Jesus Christ is my prayer. God bless you all!!
|
|
|
Post by cogito on Dec 13, 2005 12:12:55 GMT -5
Hello all
It is cool to see all the people that are here recovering.
In response to your question nurlord, I have found great strength in reading the scriptures. Although I have been really bad about it recently. When I have been reading every day, I have found that I have been closer to the spirit. Life seem so much better, and easier when I am reading. I have also had a couple experiences where I was having trouble with something, and I would read something that would give me the answers I needed. For example, I was having trouble with looking to the future, and fearing what could come. That is when I read Moroni 8:16 "... perfect love casteth out all fear." It was like a revelation, and I felt so much better. Things like that make me so glad I am a part of this church.
Cogito
|
|
|
Post by iwant2change on Dec 23, 2005 19:28:31 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by woodstock310 on Jan 4, 2006 11:59:53 GMT -5
hello all, I just wanted to let everyone know where I stand since I got clean in November. I'm still clean! It's not easy sometimes but I now have the full support of my new wife so I should be ok, at least until I get deployed(then I have to work out another plan). Telling my wife wasn't easy. Her hearing it wasn't either. It 'bout broke her heart. I hated it. But we pulled through ok and I think better and closer than before. Now she keeps track of my dollar a day thing for me.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug71 on Jan 4, 2006 14:49:57 GMT -5
woodstock - nice to hear from you again, and it's great to hear that you're doing so well!
I'm also proud of you for telling your wife. I know there are people on this board who do not believe they should ever tell their wife, but I'm not sure how they do it. It helped my recovery so much to be able to expose my dirty little secret to her in all its ugliness. I've hidden it from her for so long, and that secrecy actually enabled the addiction in many ways. It induced a lot of shame in me when I realized that she now knew everything. I think I'd been ignoring that shame and the behavior-changing guilt that the shame should have promoted because it was "just my little secret." When I had to explain my indiscretions to the woman who loves me more then anyone on this planet, though, it reopened the festering wound, and now true healing has begun.
I am sure it was hard for you both when you revealed this to her. It was hard for my wife and I. I am trying to keep that memory vivid, though, because I never want to have to disappoint her like that again. She says that she does not expect perfection, only progress. However, I feel a huge responsibility to her now to not let her down. Add that to my own determination to regain control over my soul and I have discovered an awesome force for resisting P in my life.
As for deployment, I have faith that you can accomplish your goals. Remember that Heleman's strippling warriors were also called into battle, and yet they remained true. You can too.
Best wishes, lb
p.s. When you are deployed, bring your scriptures and USE THEM!
|
|
StrikeTheDemons
Full Member
(I know, it's a dumb avatar, but there isn't much to choose from)
Posts: 244
|
Post by StrikeTheDemons on Jan 5, 2006 19:02:40 GMT -5
2 years ago I would have never expected to see this topic on the board, although I was tempted once or twice. I always expected that there were a few other LDS people on the board, but at the time there were a lot of atheists as well that seemed to attack every post containing something religious in it. It just brought negative feelings and debates. The board seems to have a lot more "positive light" within it now. I haven't seen any debates since I've been back. It's nice to see people just tying to help each other out.
-Strike-
|
|
|
Post by Gewis on Jan 6, 2006 1:58:19 GMT -5
So, my probation ended a while ago, and I asked my Elder's Quorum President for a home teaching assignment just this last Sunday. I was planning on getting an appointment with the Bishop set up for this Sunday afternoon so I can ask him about going back to the temple soon. I miss it. I miss the feeling and the spirit there, and how answers to prayers seem so much clearer, the veil feels so much thinner...
I've got a lot going on right now where I could use that clarity. Sobriety is going pretty well, and I haven't slipped for a while. I had made a lot of strides in my recovery that I never really lost from before my last slip either. Heh, if I seem a bit foggy-brained, I got very little sleep last night. I forced myself to wake up early this morning in spite of insomnia, which should help me sleep tonight. But that, in combination with some external things (that missionary who was gunned down in Virginia a few days ago was a good friend of mine, and I'm having trouble seeing how things will work out with my best friend like the Lord keeps telling me they will), has left me feeling vulnerable and weak here.
I know my trials aren't really that hard right now, but they seem really hard. I've been through some rough things before, and right now doesn't seem very easy in comparison.
Hmm... I don't talk about things like this outside my journal very much. Good night, anyway.
|
|
|
Post by amulek on Jan 6, 2006 16:45:55 GMT -5
I notice that when I am reading---feasting-- on the Book of Mormon regularly I have greater strength and clarity of mind than when I get lazy and let days go by without reading. I will always advocate reading the scriptures to combat temtations and to help us 'retain' a remission of our sins.
A very sad and senseless tragedy with the elder that was killed in Virginia. I sense that he was a hard-working and dedicated missionary.
Many of us, if not all, know what the feeling is to lose a close friend or family member. A brother of mine passed away a month after I returned home from missionary service. I miss him very much, but I am also bouyed by the fact that he is not 'lost' and he is still a part of my family. The gospel brings peace to and blesses those that mourn.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug71 on Jan 24, 2006 14:54:45 GMT -5
Been a while since I've heard from anybody on this thread, so let me bump it with a question.
For those of you who are LDS using this board:
1 - Married or single? 2 - If you are married, does your spouse know of your addiction struggles? If you are single, who is your support group? 3 - Does your spouse go anywhere for support?
My answers:
1 - married 2 - spouse definately knows 3 - spouse came to this board for a while, but now is just doing recovery "on her own." There is an SO support group offered locally, and she has considered attending, but has not done so yet.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug71 on Jan 24, 2006 15:07:47 GMT -5
In the LDS social world, has anybody found it difficult to confess your addiction struggles?
I know there have been times when I have wished that I could just tell everybody that I am a Porn Addict, and I am in recovery. I would wish that this pronouncement would be as well-received as if an alchoholic said something similar. For some reason, though, it seems like a recovering alchoholic would get more understanding in the church then a recovering porn addict.
I'm not trying to diminish AA or recovering alchoholics by any means. It is just interesting to me that the LDS culture seems to attach a special stigma to being a PA. Perhaps because of the sexual nature of P addiction, it seems to be accompanied by a special kind of shame that makes it more difficult to want to confess.
Or is this just my own self-concious, paranoid mind speaking?
For me, I always worried about what "the ward" would say if they found out that their Elder's Quorum President (or High Priest Group Leader, or Bishopric member or whatever) lost his temple recommend because of pornography problems. I can almost hear a special gasp reserved for such situations ("whaaaaaa? you're kidding me!?") When we get a church calling, for some reason we think that we have to be perfect or else half the ward would go inactive.
Or maybe it is just about pride. We come to believe that we've finally been recognized as a "good church member" because we were called to be a ______ (fill in your coveted church position here). Once we get it, we're afraid of falling off that self-promoted pedestal.
Is there anything to be done about this? How could we change the LDS culture change to be more accepting and welcoming of members who are struggling with PA but want to recover?
Thanks for your thoughts, lb
|
|
Lanfear
Full Member
Good will always conquer evil.
Posts: 139
|
Post by Lanfear on Jan 24, 2006 20:56:09 GMT -5
I am 16 years old and i was free from p for 2 months and my bishop allowed me to get the priest part of the aaronic priesthood... and i messed up again three days ago.. and i prayed to my heavenly father that he would let me be more honest with the bishop... well he called and we set up and appointment for this wednesday.... please tell me im doing the right thing talking to him.... i know that god helped a nd had him call me.
|
|
|
Post by riverdude on Jan 25, 2006 0:37:42 GMT -5
lb I'm with you, To tell the truth I've had a really hard time going to church at all because of the expectations that I feel are placed on me. I wouldn't care that much but I don't want anyone to know of my problem just because of the negative stigma that is attached to it. I definitely have shyed away from any callings for the past few years. I hope to be able to get that back at some point.
Lanfear, I'm proud of the steps you are taking. If you have any doubts of what you are doing ask yourself where the doubt comes from. I'm sure you know and feel what is right and wrong in this situation and will be able to act according to what your TRUE desires are. Keep it up brotha, rd
|
|
choi
New Member
Posts: 28
|
Post by choi on Jan 25, 2006 1:11:56 GMT -5
Do I need to confess to my Bishop every single time I slip up?? Not to be the devil's advocate or anything, but how would that help me if I'm suppose too?
Choi
|
|