hi there eljefemaz and mrOuch, thanks for stopping by and for the friendly words.
Eljefemaz, it sounds like you do have enough grip on your procrastination habit to not let it get in the way terribly. Good on you. But even if it is not crippling to you, why is it there in the first place?
Thank you for trying to understand. It would be nice to be able to write it down so that it is understandable - it would mean that I understand it myself. Here's to trying.
About fear of failure, it is very strong for me as well - why is it so critical to us? I now believe it is an ego thing. Other people have the same challenges, make the same mistakes, get set straight - no big deal! The only difference is in the size of ego. A big ego hates to get any kind of criticism and so it will try to avoid that. Of course you can't avoid these situations - postponing them is the best our egos can think of.
Lack of motivation. I have had job related trouble because of that. I just couldn't bring myself to finish certain tasks. That was just too weird. Now I think that can only be caused by a too big ego. It is just not interested in these lowdown, tiresome jobs. It goes on strike.
This is the dead weight I am feeling. I am very interested in getting to know life without it.
This is what I will be working on and God willing find a way to achieve.
This is what I wrote in a reply to Belikejob.
The only place to look for a solution, the only place where faith and strength can take root is within yourself. Humility comes to mind. We cannot expect our problems to be solved by something/someone from the outside. To begin with, we are not in a position to expect that from anyone. We must see to our own problems. All we can do is strive to make our contribution to the Kingdom and ask God for strength and directions. Even if it seems impossibly hard, that is the way to go.
Does that help? For me, the oversized ego factor is now clearer.