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Post by dj2005 on Jul 22, 2006 7:02:49 GMT -5
nice work! it's inspiring to see you make good choices, and to move ahead the way you are. keep up the great focus.
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 22, 2006 7:06:17 GMT -5
I found last night at the Golf Outing to be rather awkward. As the evening progressed, the idea to visit a "gentleman's club" was circulated. What I found most disheartening about all of this was that a couple of the guys who were lobbying hardest for this visit are guys whom I have a good deal of respect for and call "friends." Naturally they lobbied me and I tried to change the conversation but to no avail. It seemed everywhere I went, this was the topic of conversation for a time. "Hey Theres a club on x street that is..." "The talent is good at this club" "I went to club x last week"
Eventually I found a small group off to the side. I didn't know these guys so well. As I talked with them I realized that I seemed to have more in common with them than I thought. I quickly realized that they were as appalled by this notion as I was.
So, in a way the club trip was an opportunity for me to sort out my golf buddies. As much as I might like some of the guys who took the trip or lobbied for it, I will be on my guard around them in the future. Not that they are plotting to lead me to temptation, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
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Post by Stillhopeful on Jul 22, 2006 9:01:13 GMT -5
Good thinking, Mr Ouch. Continue to sort out the wheat from the chaff, as you did last night. I shall try to catch up with your story in due course. I've only read the above post so far.
Cheering you on,
Stillhopeful (SO)
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 23, 2006 23:52:46 GMT -5
Whoo Hooo! Made it 60 days today without pornography. Even longer without masturbation (can't exactly remember the last time, but it's longer than 60 days).
I posted this on the Christian Support Thread, but thought I'd stick a copy of it here too. This was an interesting quote I ran across today:
12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 14 Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.
1 Cor 10:12-14
As I read it I thought to myself:
I've been feeling pretty confident lately, and I've been tested as of late. The thing I seem to keep running up against is that temptation is always out there. To presume we are standing strong is the greatest of all dangers. We are most likely to fall when we have confidence in our own strength. This is when we tend to rely on ourselves not God. This is when we are most likely to let our guard down. What we need to realize is that we are in constant peril and need to be wary of triggers. Being aware of our strengths is great, but we must also be aware of our weaknesses.
Hope all are well. I'm praying for us all.
V
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Post by NoBull on Jul 24, 2006 1:42:59 GMT -5
MrOuch,
I've read most of your journal-- you're recovery path is very inspirational. It sounds like you've had some very tough times, and I'm glad to hear that things are going better in your life.
I know what you mean about needing to be aware of our weaknesses. I think we are going to keep getting tested the stronger we get. I like to think of these tests as opportunities to prove our strength and move to the next level toward having a full life, which you are clearly doing.
Wishing you well,
-nobull
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Post by belikejob on Jul 24, 2006 2:57:02 GMT -5
Congratulations on 60 days MrOuch! Thanks for all the wisdom you give on the Christian support thread. Thanks also for the support you've given me in my recovery. You're doing great. Keep up the good fight and God bless. BLJ
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NewPath
Junior Member
spacedog
Posts: 54
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Post by NewPath on Jul 24, 2006 21:17:23 GMT -5
Mr Ouch,
I have read your journal and I am so moved by your honesty and your commitment to make your marriage work again. In the hour of temptation (with the golf buddies) the Lord gave you strength, and is galvinizing your soul. I am praying the Lord will restore to you the years theat the locust has eaten, and your life an marriage to be a showcase of His grace and restoration.
God bless you, dear younger brother.
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 25, 2006 23:47:07 GMT -5
Getting late here so I'm going to make this a quick one tonight.
Thanks for comments nobull, BLJ, peggy. It's the kind support of folks like you that make this board a great place to visit!
Today has been a great day. Worked like a dog, got a lot accomplished. Tonight I saw my 7 year old in his first swim meet (he had been afraid of the deep end of the pool). He didn't win, but he did finish and that's what was most important. I gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him.
There has been an interesting thread on cleavage on the General Board. The pool is a place filled with cleavage. Up until D-day with my pornography exposure, I was a pretty good clandestine ogler at the pool. Since my recovery has begun, I have made a concerted effort to stop this behaviour. It's actually working. I find it very easy to look but not necessarily see. I can't help but view women in bikinis, etc., but I make myself see them only as part of the larger composition of the landscape of a pool. I have learned how not to view this as a landscape of female anatomy. I see and recognize them as wives, mothers, daughters and friends. The only motivation I need for this is my list of 30 things. I still read this list to remind me of what I don't ever want to lose.
One longing glance at the pool may seem innocent to most people. For me, it is potentially the first step down the rutted old road that I don't want to travel on anymore. So, I make a point of looking in the eyes of the friends we have at the pool. I look away when there is someone in a revealing outfit, or I get up and walk away. Or even better, I read my book.
Speaking of my list of 30 things, I was thinking about this earlier. I think the best thing about this list is the process it invoked. I wasn't living at home at the time, but I was at the house with the kids. I had put them to bed and was waiting for my wife to come home from an evening out. So, there I sat alone crestfallen. She was very angry and the horizon looked very bleak. The first few items on the list were really east to come up with, but as I got further along on my way to 30, I really had to dig deep and carefully ponder my circumstance. Now, my list evokes my despair at that time and the delights of my family. When I read my list, its not just the 30 things that I recognize, its the emotions and pain of that moment that I feel. These are the things I don't want to forget.
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Post by drypuddle on Jul 26, 2006 7:23:44 GMT -5
Hi MrOuch I just read your journal, and I wanted to let you know that I admire your hard work and dedication to your recovery. It's refreshing for me to see this drypuddle
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elway
Full Member
Posts: 240
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Post by elway on Jul 26, 2006 7:52:08 GMT -5
I liked your journal. Very powerful + also sensitive. You seem aware of the processes that us addicts fall into, + it sounds like you're on a good journey thus far.
The 30 reasons is a good idea. I can see that it would trigger hurtful memories but you can use these as reasons not to fall off the wagon
wishing you well
elway
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 27, 2006 22:27:27 GMT -5
64 days and going strong
Found this interesting passage in Proverbs Chp 4
23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. 24 Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. 26 Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. 27 Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
The recent board about cleavage and the distractions of summer attire makes this passage all the more pertinent today. If I fix my gaze ahead and avoid the sideshows to the left and right, I will be fine. It seems straightforward enough, but its not always that easy to do. I have to trust in God and allow my feet to fall on solid ground and then I know I will be alright.
drypuddle, thanks for your kind words. I spent alot of years of my life wasting the precious things I have been given. Now, it is time to do the works that will merit them.
elway, thanks for your kind words too. Though I am not too far in my road to purity, I know that I am on the right path now. Success is the only outcome for me.
Grace and Peace to all.
V
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 28, 2006 17:00:41 GMT -5
Posted this over on the Christian Support Thread and wanted to copy it into here too.
Quote: " Today, I woke up alive and healthy in a safe and free land. I have a wife that loves me and a job that pays the bills. I have enough to eat, a safe place to rest, and the freedom to worship as I choose. When I woke up today, 75% of the people in the world probably would have traded places with me." 1Cor10,
What a beautiful phrase. It hits the nail squarely on the head. Regardless of the percentages we are all blessed to be in this country. All you need to do is look at the chaos in the world around us!! I am NO biblical scholar either, but every now and then I find a nice little nugget that seems to be appropriate for my struggle with sin. I hope it helps others too. Try this on for size:
Life is raw material. We are artisans. We sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness. It is in our hands.
Cathy Better
Not exactly biblical text, but pretty darn appropriate. We all make decisions in our life that shape us into who we have become. Judging by the fact that we are at this support board, it is safe to assume that we were well on the way to sculpting ourselves into debased creatures. With God's help, we can rework our raw materials and becoming something beautiful.
I'm not much of an artist, but I'm trying.
Grace to you all.
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Post by choselife on Jul 30, 2006 2:36:29 GMT -5
You are the only artist capable of knowing how to sculpt yourself into the beauty of what you are capable of becoming. Appreciate all along the way how much more beautiful you are than you had been, and continue on.
CL
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Post by MrOuch on Jul 31, 2006 12:51:03 GMT -5
CL,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes it's easier to focus on what I don't have, than what I do have. Many of us are here because of the ugly events in our lives. I am grateful for all the beauty in the world, but I sometimes overlook the beautiful parts of my life. So, I will continue to chug my way along the road, hopefully improving myself at every opportunity.
68 days pure as of today!
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Post by belikejob on Jul 31, 2006 13:44:33 GMT -5
MrOuch... you are doing great my friend. Thanks for the encouraging words. "Bowling pin-ish good looks"... hahaha you crack me up man. I'm really glad you're on this board . Stay strong bro. BLJ
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