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Post by smilingjack on Oct 19, 2007 8:44:44 GMT -5
Using ethics and harmony. OK that last couple of days.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 20, 2007 7:50:45 GMT -5
I told Dan. He said, "Be careful I don't lose focus because the more grievious ones are contact with adult sex workers." I left messages on Rays and Franks voice mail and should tell frank about Tony.
It was difficult yesterday, but I survived because I let the feeling pass and I focused on what I had to do next, the fitness program. I was horny, and Jill hadn't been around the last 3 nights....and I was getting pissed about it.
Instead of acting out, I went upstairs to the bedroom, where I wasn't as much of a stranger as I had been. Crept in, didn't wake her, went to sleep for an hour, and woke up wanting a hand job......and got a blow job instead. Life is good......very very good.l
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 22, 2007 9:56:04 GMT -5
I enjoyed time with Jill earlier last night, but we weren't able to finish it. When she came down to say, "How about tomorrow to finish"...I acted like a spoiled child...and gave only a peevish look. I need to make an amend today, and tell Dan, and go from there.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 25, 2007 7:33:25 GMT -5
Told Dan, but didn't make an amend to Jill. I was her personal wake up service today thiought, and that was nice.
I went to an SAA meeting last night. It was a home group and had too much rambling for me, but I understand why.
I went to the SLAA meeting Tuesday, and expressed my mellowness in working the program, and that I believe I will make it if I just work it..
A couple of cravings yesterday, and I have tried to find again how googleing viedos will get me pron. IThat is slippery ground.
I pray that when idleness comes, that I stay off slippery ground. I pray for Frank.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 26, 2007 14:17:48 GMT -5
I talked to Ray, and the conditions were tough, like trying to communicate in a thunderstorm, JD in Hobart. Stay sober, sounds like I need a new sponsor. Called Arlen, next week. Larry's trigger has surely helped me turn to the positive. I can thank him tonight.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 29, 2007 12:21:12 GMT -5
need to call Arlan and set up a time.....maybe monday. doing ok for now....not sending p*rn back out.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 30, 2007 17:33:50 GMT -5
Didn't feel like going to an SLAA meeting but I did. I was squirrelly today and felt temptation from frank and I gave CT and FS too much of my brain time today. I am weaker than I want to be and the ethics and harmony feel hollow today.Better day tomorrow.
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Post by smilingjack on Oct 31, 2007 15:27:46 GMT -5
I got into it with JW, and it carried over so far into today. I need to continue to express my needs.
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Post by smilingjack on Nov 1, 2007 7:02:43 GMT -5
I hugged JW this am, and that was good. I need to call Larry and Arlan
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Post by smilingjack on Nov 5, 2007 6:45:28 GMT -5
I am getting horny and resentful because this weekend without Billy was nothing in personal relationships between Jil and I. It was Jason, and Katie and her kids, Billy's Awakening, and my jock itch. I felt like I needed to act out, but I didn't and for that I am gratful.
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Post by smilingjack on Nov 9, 2007 10:30:47 GMT -5
I got resentful because JW doesn't spice up the sex....but I realized I am the one who can spice it up with fanitsyicying about other and doing what I want to do..and it is always available to me.
And she isnt too wide when she is on her back....and when she is on her side...she can give an excellent blow job.
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Post by smilingjack on Nov 15, 2007 8:19:18 GMT -5
I went to the SLAA meeting and was reminded I can find other meetings when I travel.. I also talked with Ray yesterday.....my most valuable possession is my integrity ARISTOTLE.
I am some stain that is effecting me. For what price am I willing to sell my integrity.
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Post by smilingjack on Nov 21, 2007 0:08:41 GMT -5
SLAA meeting and then acted at the OS,,,,,thought I had it under control for a message but I gave in on the flip and it cost me $20 more.
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Post by smilingjack on Dec 10, 2007 7:17:32 GMT -5
What fears am I feeling that I want to act out on? I went to the Xmas party and had a lap dance...but wasn't attracted to the public pubic displays.
I am craving....jw looks worn out....we weren't on the same page Saturday night and I went out with BO w/o her. I am dreaming about a relathionhsip with CC or JW. Thinking about an older woman who I can relate to.
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Post by smilingjack on Dec 19, 2007 8:41:30 GMT -5
I went to PK a week ago. D, staight massage, searching for extras that I wouldn't have to pay for to see if there were feelings there that were personal for the john, and not whore/john/money related.
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