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Post by smilingjack on May 21, 2007 7:27:24 GMT -5
JW has helped on Wednesday and Sunday. I need to smile like I am happy to see her and say thanks. I could be at PS, I could be ready Craigslist, I could be reading PS updates. I am not, and for that I am very very grateful.
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Post by smilingjack on May 22, 2007 7:20:01 GMT -5
I'm negotiating with myself to postpone the slip until after 6/1. AHHHHH!. I am strong that I haven't gone to the Ps website, and I havent gone to porn sites eithe and I have 20 days. All UI have to do is take it for q24hours at a stretch.
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Post by smilingjack on May 22, 2007 7:21:09 GMT -5
I am going to google and trying to find porn on google and it is such insanity.
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Post by smilingjack on May 24, 2007 6:43:36 GMT -5
I've got a sponsor Dan, and fired Frank. Ha Ha. Cravings continue. Made love w/J and left her hollering "Quit playing around"
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Post by smilingjack on May 24, 2007 22:56:52 GMT -5
I've got a sponsor, Dan. I am grateful for one day at a time. My bottom lines are:
1. No sex for money
2. No initiating looking internet porn sites
3. No masturbation
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Post by smilingjack on May 25, 2007 7:03:30 GMT -5
My convesatin w/FS got me asking him what the status is on the PS website. I wonder how the other FS does his thing, and maybe he rationalizes it as he does his smoking.. It's really none of my business so what does it matter.
My sobriety date is May 3, 2007
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Post by smilingjack on May 25, 2007 23:02:40 GMT -5
I was on the slippery slope of trying to see how far softcore porn would go on google. I hit it when I typed erotic in the field and asked for video. That did it. Then later I went to labia and found more. I was ready to go to ampland and voyeurweb, but I am grateful I didnt;
I am resentful that Jill may not come down stairs because she is tired. Katie was here. I am tired. I want a close physical relationship. I am having a difficult time sorting this stuff out.
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Post by smilingjack on May 29, 2007 7:50:01 GMT -5
I am resentful of Jill shushing me, telling me she won't have another deal when I leave and go sailing and half the people leave.
I was planning to go to PS this week, mentally. I took a V and had a real decent BJ.
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Post by smilingjack on May 30, 2007 12:56:23 GMT -5
Met w/Dan, bottom lines are no sex outside committed relationship, no anonymous sex, no paying for sex, abstinant date of May 3, 2007.
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Post by smilingjack on May 30, 2007 12:58:09 GMT -5
Middle circle would be p*rn and mb. Porn abstinant date would be tomorrow. MB abstinant date unknown but guessed at May 3 would be OK,./
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Post by smilingjack on May 31, 2007 6:32:37 GMT -5
I got $$ from the bank yesterday, and I went to the PS PM and CTS review sites. My cell phone is gone - so I need to correct it and get a phone to contact Dan. I need to stay clean and sober.
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Post by smilingjack on Jun 1, 2007 11:12:33 GMT -5
Cell phone is back, and dreaming of pleasant times at PS. I can go 1 x month.... I am unhappy with my family....I don't like the lack of support for what I do...the running...couldn't have gotten away fast enough to do their own thing. She got pissed about my sailing.
One day at a time
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Post by smilingjack on Jun 4, 2007 5:33:51 GMT -5
32 days - wow - if I make it I get my coin tomorrow. FS made it w/o meetings. I am doing the PS and CTG readings which arenot good for me. It is a start. I do want to keep my eyes open for a soul mate. Maybe I already have one.
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Post by smilingjack on Jun 11, 2007 9:13:02 GMT -5
I am craving for attention and affection. I want to go to PS and am planning it. I haven't done so maybe I am just too (expletive)ing conventional. I am growing more distant from Jill.
I don't know if I am in love with her. She enables Katie, hasn't found the way to capture my imagination. I dream of being away from her. What is it I need to feel in order to be willing to finally through in the towel? I don't know yet because maybe I haven't found that one. I love reaing about Eddie Veisters and climbing mountains for his own sake. What a wonderful feeling. I need to do things for my own sake.
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Post by smilingjack on Jul 28, 2007 6:41:44 GMT -5
move up
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