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Post by charles515 on Dec 21, 2007 16:09:17 GMT -5
P: current steak: 8 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 118 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 0 day best streak: 8 day S: 19 day best streak: 19 day
I have been viewing too much eye candy on the internet. Today when I went shopping I saw the effects of doing the same everywhere I went. It carries over. I still don't know why I look, except I think I look hoping to see picture that will cause excitement. P has no effect on me except when I am triggered. I think I only get triggered visually when I am in the state of mind that is susceptible to being triggered. What I mean by that is if I am relaxed and there are no issues in my life, I won't be triggered. So that still doesn't help because I still have used it as a crutch. I have two weeks before I start my new career. If I can learn to deal with life without P during this new period, it will be a start in the right direction for me.
I know the reason I stay up is because I'm afraid I won't go to sleep. I need to start reading again when I get in bed. That way there's less pressure.
Cjam I know what you mean about leaving the house when the urges were that strong. The problem for me is I know where there about 5 studios within 20 minutes of my home that I could go to. But I still think leaving is better that way you get into a different state of mind.
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 21, 2007 20:29:36 GMT -5
I sometimes lose all my courage to fight this thing and say the hell with it. I do have a good life but I know it could be so much better if I just grew out of this stupid habit.
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 21, 2007 20:32:22 GMT -5
I will be starting a new thread on the new forum you're welcome to join! probably the same title as the old one. (January 1)
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 22, 2007 10:29:27 GMT -5
God give me the courage. Positive visualization. No more neg visuals, I usually visualize myself being the pornstar dude, but in reality it can never be.
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Post by charles515 on Dec 22, 2007 12:38:51 GMT -5
P: current steak: 9 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 119 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 0 day best streak: 8 day S: 20 day best streak: 20 day
I'll look for the new thread Cjam. My wandering "eye" has gotten worse, probably due to my constant viewings. It has become such a habit.
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C JaM
Full Member
Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 23, 2007 9:11:36 GMT -5
I met a new girl and she's great. She's not like the arrogant one I dumped a couple months back.
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Post by charles515 on Dec 23, 2007 20:30:52 GMT -5
P: current steak: 10 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 119 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 0 day best streak: 8 day S: 21 day best streak: 21 day
I told my new GF about my past. But she doesn't have a great past herself. I don't know how that always happens to me, the girls I date having a past. She's accepting of it, but I don't think she really understood the pain I have gone through.
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 24, 2007 8:51:56 GMT -5
charles515 I'll make the new thread Jan. 1 to kick off the new year. I've never made a New Year's Resolution before but making my 100 days will be my first one ever. I will make it stick too. I've done it before and I'll do it again.
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Post by charles515 on Dec 24, 2007 9:41:20 GMT -5
P: current steak: 11 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 120 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 1 day best streak: 8 day S: 22 day best streak: 22 day
I'll look for it Cjam.
All that matters is for me to learn how to cope with life without P.
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Post by charles515 on Dec 25, 2007 10:09:19 GMT -5
P: current steak: 0 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 120 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 0 day best streak: 8 day S: 23 day best streak: 23 day
Merry Christmas, Cjam.
My gift to myself is to not look at anything that is about creating a high.
Not only do I use P to cope I also just search out for things hoping to get a high. Hoping to see something that will trigger me. Something that will cause an instant reaction. That won't happen unless I am in the "sexualized state of mind." It's about looking for that high. That drug. That feeling I need to MB right now. Nothing is new or exciting anymore. It's time to accept that I won't get that reaction anymore. I need to stop searching and accept that feeling is dead.
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 25, 2007 10:50:37 GMT -5
Merry Christmas Charles. I have high hopes for the coming year. This spiritual rot I willingly subject myself to will cease.
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C JaM
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Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 26, 2007 18:35:18 GMT -5
feelin alright
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Post by charles515 on Dec 26, 2007 19:08:14 GMT -5
P: current steak: 1 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 120 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 1 day best streak: 8 day Cumulative total: S: 24 day best streak: 24 day Cumulative total: 24 days
good clean day yesterday.
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Post by charles515 on Dec 27, 2007 8:57:47 GMT -5
P: current steak: 0 days best streak: 64 days (new record) Cumulative total: 120 days since August 18, 2007.
P/VU4MB: 1 day best streak: 8 day Cumulative total: 8 S: 25 day best streak: 25 day Cumulative total: 25 days
I figured out what was bothering me. Today should be a productive day.
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C JaM
Full Member
Gojira vs pnografrs
Posts: 178
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Post by C JaM on Dec 27, 2007 17:09:21 GMT -5
Grateful I am here.
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