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Post by fragile on Nov 30, 2007 2:42:18 GMT -5
Day 5 (November 30, 2007) A lot of affirmations from internal and external sources. Day 4 has been an absolute hit. I don't feel any pull to google the junk or go mb. Spending a lot of time on the board keeps me away from p. Also, instead of thinking about battling the temptation, I just go here and spend some valuable time here, while w/o this board, it'd be really hard for me to keep myself away from p. SCF has absolutely turned me around already. I know where I am in Christ now, and I know that no matter what the devil throws my way, or no matter how much he tries to convince me that I'm still a dirty pa and there's nothing I can do about it, I'm standing through bold and firm so far. There was a guy that visited my youth today during our service, and he told us about his life with the junk in his life and how he got out of it.. I talked to him afterwards and gave him my contacts so we could keep in touch and just so that he can give me more affirmations.. it's one of the key things to me right now.. just reminders that it can be done, and I'm well on my way. I'm able to finally get my mind off the images I used to look at. As I mentioned somewhere that I'm a very visual person, and what I see I can remember. I have a very photographic memory, and all the details and stuff can be brought back to my visualization, but I'm not letting it happen. Getting ready to go to Salt Lake for a business training even. Will probably be away from the board most of the time. Please pray for me so I don't let my time away from the support board give me an opening for p or mb. Chad, glad to have you along in SCF... We should keep in touch via pm/email just to check up on each other and encourage each other to keep going through dirt, moat, deep waters, hills, mountains, and storms that the recovery has in store for us. God bless you man... Keep faith, and let's do this thing
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Post by fragile on Dec 1, 2007 1:18:08 GMT -5
Day 5 is almost at a close... I'm safe in Salt Lake City... On the way here had some trouble with thoughts because of boredom. 5 days sober
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Post by fragile on Dec 3, 2007 1:45:11 GMT -5
Day 8 (December 2, 2007) I'm back from Salt Lake City. I went to a business training that was absolutely phenomenal!!! Plus, I came home and found out that my first residual check from my company is $91 dollars!!! Not bad for doing very little. I'm planning on taking this thing by the storm because I know what it can do for me. Back to the relevant info: I went full 7 days slip-clean! Haven't done SFC for two days now because I was just too busy in SLC... Was away from Hotel from morning to late night. It went good. I had fun, I kept myself from boredom (but seriously, if I woulda been bored at that event, I shouldn't be in the business ) Had some random arousals, but not strong enough to act upon it. Still praying for the strength. Going to spend some time making up for what I missed on SFC... Peace!
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Post by fragile on Dec 3, 2007 19:48:52 GMT -5
Ok... I've been experiencing urges today for the first time.. major urges. I completed what I missed on SCF. Learned some truth about the life/situation about myself. Had an erotic dream today when I came from college early to catch some sleep between classes... I needed it. I had some disturbing dreams, which included a wet dream good thing it wasn't a major one, just a small one. I've been getting big urges since. Refraining still. My 8th day being sober.
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Post by fragile on Dec 4, 2007 3:56:42 GMT -5
Day 9 (December 3, 2007)
Just completed 8th course of SFC. Day 9 will come tomorrow. Got some great encouragement from my mentor. He's become like a brother to me.
He made me realize that the wet dreams are somewhat natural, and it might be a natural way of my body to release the urges a natural way. Now, I know it's the devil's tool to because I've seen him capture me with the wet dreams many times. This time, it didn't happen. My desire to change is greater than my desire to sin.
Day 9 and going strong!
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chad32
Full Member
Becoming pure again...
Posts: 117
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Post by chad32 on Dec 5, 2007 16:53:37 GMT -5
Keep going fragile. Great to hear that you are still resisting the urges. Sometimes I see something tempting and I want to run away - literally - get right out of there. I WILL not turn back to my addiction. I've just done day 6 on SCF - I'm not able to do it every day, but still pressing on and it's really encouraging.
Stay strong, Chad
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Post by fragile on Dec 5, 2007 19:19:26 GMT -5
SFC is a really good place to shake off the addiction. I've seen it through the past 9 days in it. I can truly say now that I'm free.... Just because I struggle with it, doesn't mean that I'm a slave to it. I can resist it, I have resisted it on multiple occasions, and I feel closer and closer to God every day. Life's good
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Post by davstl1 on Dec 5, 2007 22:52:41 GMT -5
Hey Fragile,
Check'n in...
You're making me a believer in all of this! Keep up the great work!
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Post by fragile on Dec 6, 2007 3:39:17 GMT -5
Well, then that just proves that I'm not here by mistake Maybe all this had to happen so I can end up here, now, and inspire someone and help them with their struggle And you know what? it's all worth it. The feeling of knowing that I helped someone just makes life brighter
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Post by fragile on Dec 6, 2007 3:47:04 GMT -5
Day 10 (December 6, 2007) I'm confused about the dates now... I started on the 26th, but it's now 10 days, yet my previous journal says "Day 9 (December 3, 2007)" No matter... I can't mistake the TEN Anyways, I'm still charging through my recovery. I've seen some slow days, some fast days, some hard days, some easy days, but it all came down to feeling more and more free from my addiction. This feels way better than slavery! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world of p and mb... I feel so much better, and it's getting better every day. I could say it now: I said good bye to p and mb forever!!!!! I just declared it.. I'm free! Of course, I don't want to be careless with that statement. I still need to be on tight guard and assess every moment with care to make sure that there's nothing in my way that will excite my sexuality again. So far, my internet has been clean (Since 26th) Some pictures could've been avoided, but they just popped up while I was browsing through deviantart.com.. I have my mature content filter on, but some people still leave mild nudity out in the open... I just don't want to be like my old self and look closer and harder to see what's going on. So far it's been like this: "Eh.. another image not to look at.. next>>>"
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Post by fragile on Dec 7, 2007 14:59:43 GMT -5
Day 11 (December 7, 2007) Doing good. Haven't had urges lately. Not a lot to say, but BOY IS IT GOOD TO BE FREE... LOL. I can hardly believe that after 10 days it's almost like I never looked at porn... Yes, I know it happened before, but I feel so much more free from it than I can remember. I still don't want to be too confident in myself, but I now see that 100 days free is doable When I just joined the board, I just wanted to give the 100 days a try... And now, I'm not trying it, I'm doing it.
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Post by fragile on Dec 9, 2007 3:27:19 GMT -5
Day 12 (December 9, 2007) Just finished the day 12 of SFC Way of Purity course. Good lesson, definitely leaves me more alert and more conscious about my situation. Glad to be able to say that I went almost two weeks without any p or mb. In fact, tomorrow at midnight I'll be celebrating my two weeks mark EDIT: Oops.. I messed up a little bit.. 9th is the 12th day.
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Post by fragile on Dec 10, 2007 2:23:19 GMT -5
Day 13 (December 10, 2007) Ok.. Tough day today. It's the day before my two week mark. A lot of urges, and flashbacks. I'm glad I kept myself away from home most of the day. Visited a church today, had a lot of fellowship, and was able to keep myself from fueling the urges. Overall, good day. Definitely feel cleaner in church now. Don't have the dark cloud of porn over me now
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Post by fragile on Dec 11, 2007 2:39:51 GMT -5
December 11, 2007 This is my two week mark!!! Had a rough day today.. A lot of flashbacks, and urges. It definitely got tougher, but I like challenges I'm so not safe on the internet. I had so many times when I was being drug to my addiction, thank God I made it this far. I'm read to declare the next two weeks free, and the next two months after that!
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Post by fragile on Dec 12, 2007 3:20:35 GMT -5
Day 16 (December 12, 2007) I'm not sure the day count is correct. I started on November 26th midnight (somebody help me lol.. I can't figure out my day count! *feels stupid*) Two weeks have successfully passed by. Lots of urges, and I know they'll continue, but I daily pray for strength. I know with God anything is possible. Did day 15 of the SCF Way of Purity course. This lesson was really really good. A lot of eye opening things on that one. I've had terrible urges, but kept myself clean. Beginning to think more and more about my girl, and hoping she feels the same about me. It's such an odd time to go through for me right now because of my recovery, and now love has been introduced? almost overwhelming. Well, at least I think less of porn and mb and more about her and how much I care about her, and wondering what she thinks of me. Stuff like that. I hope I don't burst into little pieces. Anxiety at all time high.
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