woah
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Post by woah on Oct 1, 2007 21:33:37 GMT -5
I started logging my days clean and my slips a couple months ago. I also added a reason for the slip. It turns out that emotions and tiredness is just about the only reasons for a slip. So thats one step closer to the root of the problem. I'm a pretty reserved guy and that is what accounts for most of those emotions that cause me to slip. I usually dont let it bother me but sometimes it does. Its hard to deal with in a society that views shyness as a huge negative. Especially now that I'm almost done with college and looking for a job. They all stress the importance of communication skills. Well mine suck. I was kinda born that way. I know I can work on it but I just dont have that gift. But anyways I'm going to continue praying that God lets me be free from those emotions and teaches me my true gifts that can be used as a service to Him. The other cause tiredness. Well I'm a college student so I have no regular schedule and sometimes dont have much time for sleep. I've been doing alot better lately. It feels so great to be well rested. Although I already made plans on wednesday to head to a skatepark with some friends and I know I wont get much sleep that night. So I plan on checking in here real quick once I get home. Thats where I am now. Day 8
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gregg70
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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Post by gregg70 on Oct 1, 2007 21:50:33 GMT -5
God will show you the way he wants your life to go. Keep the faith and be obedient. Remember we pray but He answers in His time. The door will open when its time. Moses was not a great communicator but God provided and he lead a nation.
Gregg70
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 4, 2007 0:21:10 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouraging words gregg.
I'm just checking in real quick. I'm so tired but I feel good and I learned some new stuff at the skatepark...stoked.
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 9, 2007 11:30:43 GMT -5
I have not checked in here for a few days but I return with good news. I have been staying away from p very successfully. In fact I havent even been thinking about it or thinking about my struggle with it. Its very satisfying to live without this huge burden. However, I know I cannot be lax about it. I cant just push the addiction out of my mind and be done with it. I will be tempted and I know I'll have to be ready for that.
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woah
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Posts: 44
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Post by woah on Oct 14, 2007 22:55:33 GMT -5
So it turns out that I'm not very good at this journal thing. Keep taking breaks from it. I wish I had more time to journal and read other peoples posts. But anyways I am at day 21 of no p. Since I started this I have had 2 slips. They were kinda the same because the first led into the second. Now that I am 3 weeks away from that I am incredibly happy. I did use some mb in the middle but no p. I do wish to eliminate mb as well but during this stage it seemed to really help calm the hormones or whatever is going on in there. I can feel the change from seeing no p and I can see things changing in my life. Good feeling. Of course along with the success comes great temptations. I am actually sort of struggling with the feeling of success. I've never felt it before with p so its a new experience. I guess the uncertainty of what being clean will feel like is sort of hard for me. This goes against all my thinking so I just gotta remind myself to resist and he will flee.
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 17, 2007 22:37:01 GMT -5
At this point in my journal I can honestly say I havent done this good in a long time. I have been dealing with the huge temptations at school very well. Sometimes I've had to close my eyes but for the most part I think I am learning how to not view girls as objects. One silly thing that has changed is that when I did something like hold a door open for an attractive girl I would get the thought that she is for some reason wanting to repay me with something sexual. Of course with that worthless hope came inapropriate thoughts. Now I feel like I dont want anything I do nice things because it is right and I'll do the same for anyone. That is just one thing that has gotten better. I have been enjoying this change so much. I mean alot. I feel like I have been missing out on so much because of p and now I get to experience it. Wow so thats alot of optimism but I really am excited about this. I think back to a time when I felt at the bottom and I just said a prayer. Now I can see that God is responding to that prayer and teaching me. I thank the Lord for His presence in my life. However, I know that its not gone and never will be so I have to prepare myself for the fierce temptations that are inevitably coming.
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 20, 2007 9:21:30 GMT -5
I had a wet dream the other night. Felt wierd but I was actually kind of excited about this because its a sign that my body is returning to its normal functioning habbit wrather than the horrible detestable habbit of p and mb.
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gregg70
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Oct 20, 2007 13:59:04 GMT -5
Woah,
Sounds like you are making alot of progress. Keep working your plan and keep your life in the steps of Christ. It is so difficult to do that at college and I cannot express the admiration I have for you to be able to deal with this addiction in a positive way while there with all the distraction that a campus can bring. I cannot say that I did that well following Christ while I was in college. I grew up in many ways as an adult with responsibilities and the like but I grew away from the Lord.
It took me several years to find my way back to God.
Keep trusting in him and he will not lead you astray.
You are doing well, keep up your positive thinking. Journal when you can and do not get down on yourself when you miss a day here and there. I think its more important that when something big happens positive or negative, that you take the time to enter it here so that when you are lonely or depressed, you can look back on the progress you made from that.
Gregg70
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Post by shpeperfeck on Oct 20, 2007 15:44:48 GMT -5
Hey, woah. It looks like you're doing very well. I belive my two recent slips were connected as well. Keep going. You're a success story in the making.
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 21, 2007 11:56:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement.
I think journaling does help out alot. It gives me a chance to get my thoughts down and keep track of how I'm doing.
I'm checking in today and doing well. I had an interesting day yesterday. I had some friends of mine that dont know each other too well meet me at this place. The only problem was that I never made it out there. It was probably a little awkward for them and I feel kinda bad about that. I ended up hanging out with some other friends that night. I did meet this girl there. Didnt get to talk to her much but that was good for me. So all this doesnt have anything to do with my p abstinence but I wanted to share because during all this I wasnt thinking about p. I had a good time and I would much much wrather look back and remember a confusing night with friends wrather than remembering myself sitting on the computer and looking at p. I want to thank the Lord once again for His presence in my life through all this. I continue to feel His guidance and its a good feeling.
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Post by shpeperfeck on Oct 21, 2007 14:50:00 GMT -5
I'm glad to hear you had a good night, P free. Keep it up!
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gregg70
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Oct 22, 2007 20:08:00 GMT -5
Woah congrats on a good weekend. While you may have felt awkard, you were out with friends and you were able to meet a girl. While the title of "social butterfly" might not be yours yet, think of yourself as the little catapillar. You will transform to that butterfly as God continues to work in your life. Keep it up. You are doing Great.
Thank you for reading my journal and most of all thank you for the kind comments. I think God give's us blessings when and where we least expect them. I have a horrible addiction but God has helped me work through it. In turn, I now have the opportunity to share his love and grace with others. I can also share about my wonderful wife and all she has done. Once again, I can thank God for giving me such a great partner.
Gregg70
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 22, 2007 20:22:19 GMT -5
Today wasnt so good for me. I didnt have any trouble with P but I did get kinda down. I have a group project for one of my classes and the teacher told us to get into groups of 4. Theres not much communication in the class and I dont really talk to anyone from that class. There was some confusion with getting into groups and alot of kids sent out emails trying to form groups but somehow I was too late and I'm still not in a group. Thats stressful for me because I know I still have to deal with getting into a group. I mentioned before in here but my communication skills arent that great. I think this has been a big part of the addiction. I have been dealing much better with it. I've learned to accept that it is who I am. Introversion is hereditary so why should I feel like its something I'm doing wrong. I have learned to just be comfortable with it and not get down on myself when I have an awkward moment. Although, thats tough to do sometimes, especially when I get a feeling of rejection like today. I continue to work and pray in that area of my life.
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woah
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Post by woah on Oct 23, 2007 21:51:14 GMT -5
I want to share a big Woot!! This is day 30 being free from p and while it isnt that long it is a big goal for me. I thank God for the grace he has given me. I want to write this down in case I ever feel the want to give up this cleanliness. It is worth everything it takes to eliminate the addiction from my life. I had thought that it wouldnt feel much different but that was so wrong. It feels vastly better to not be in a repeating pit of self indulgment. I feel much more self worth and more self confidence and most importantly I have felt a deepening relationship with God. I am looking forward to continueing this and dealing more with the reasons. I also thank all of you for your support. This board has helped me alot.
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Oct 23, 2007 22:03:18 GMT -5
Whoa,
Hey its a great feat to make it to 30days! I am celebrating 2 months today! Congrats!!!!!
Gregg70
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