Woah..time for a journal

[woah]

This is really hard for me but this is my best shot at accountability. I have been addicted to internet P for what seems like a long time now. I've never considered it to be too bad of an addiction in terms of amount I use but I know its an addiction and its keeping me from being closer to God and hurting me more and more. I'm in college and that serves as quite a trigger. I want to end this now before it creeps into the rest of my life. I still have alot in front of me. I know that my journey will not be easy but I know that through Jesus Christ it will shape me. The only goal I want to set is umm 70 years. cause I figure LIVING into my 90s is something good to shoot for. Thats about it for now although there is plenty more into this disgusting addiction.

I'm going to post here almost daily because I cant get online everyday. Comments, suggestions and prayers are all welcome. Today is day 6 for me......Here goes

[t]

Welcome, woah,

I've been here a week and this board has been an absolute blessing in my life. Our sobriety time is almost the same (8 days for me)...I'll be checking in from time to time...I think it's really cool that you recognize the need to purge yourself of this at a young age...you have wisdom beyond your years...and I believe God is smiling at your efforts.

[woah]

Thanks t

Its day 9 for me right now. I just got really busy this week. Thats not so good for me. For a few reasons. I have gotten less sleep, I havent had time to come here and update the journal I just started and its stressful. Those have all led me into a slip before. However, I feel really good now. I think just starting this is helpful. I tend to think about it instead of dwelling when I see lustful sights, which is very common at college. I just thank God for another day of purety.

[woah]

Day 10...I'm excited to be here. I've been there before but this feels different. I feel like I am finaly learning about whats driving my addiction and using those experiences to steer away from addiction. I havent had this amount of clarity since I've been stuck in p. I also know however, that temptation will come and cloud my thinking and make me forget how good it feels to experience life without addiction but I'm trying to get ready for that.

[pac2544]

I am glad to see yo made 10 days. I am on day 4 after having been sober for 25 days. Booze helped me slip there but it was my own fault I drank and didn't have control. I, too, find life has more clarity when I don't look at porn. I wish I hadn't wasted all those days looking, but its in the past . I like your 70 years sober as a goal. Thats really looking far forward. Good luck!
PAC

[t]

Congratulations, woah, that is a milestone, I believe...I just think it's great that you are tackling this at a young age...you WILL conquer this...I have a good feeling about it...

[woah]

This morning I woke to a bad dream and felt kind of depressed. I thought about porn as a way to comfort the feeling but then it just hit me hard to pray that the temptation and bad feelings leave me. They did shortly after and I thank God greatly for that. Prayer seems to work so good. Why doesnt everyone use it? I know God doesnt always chose to answer prayer just as you wish but I am thankful for this time. Its day 12 for me and its getting harder but I'm still controlling my eyes very well and not dwelling on any images I've seen. I just pray that God will let me continue this and I look forward to a life without p.

[woah]

I cam here and am posting and that in itself feels great. I'll explain. I didnt get enough sleep last night and then today I spent all day out in the sun. I dont know why but being drained and tired makes the temptation so much worse. I am feeling a little temptation but not as much as what I've felt in the past and given in. Before I would have acted out and not gotten enough rest for monday and then I'd feel depressed because I acted out and tired so I wouldnt be able to get my school work done and the troubles would just build up from there. I hate this stuff I dont want to waste anymore time on it. I thank the Lord for his current work in my life.

[pac2544]

I know how you feel, woah. Thanks for the prayers you have said for me. It is really helpful when people from this forum say they care for you. I pray that you have success to, each and every day. I count my days sober, but I also just try to take it day by day, When it gets rough i go minute by minute.

Lately I have been thinking I can beat this on my own. I know thats a lie. I have failed miserably by myself. So thank you for your words of encouragement. I would like to offer my own words of help to you. I will pray for your continued success as well!
PAC

[woah]

Well this is the worst thing I have to say in here. I slipped. It wasnt without a fight though. I got home extremely late and was really tired. This is a huge trigger for me. I dont really know why but when I'm that tired I fall asleep and wake up about an hour later with really bad cravings. I never could resist them before but this time I flipped on the tv and I realized what I was doing so I did what I said I would do when I am tempted in that situation and then fell back asleep. The only problem was that I woke up again a few hours later and couldnt resist that time. I didnt really binge which I guess is good.
I dont feel all that bad though. I didnt actively seek it out but the temptation is strong and it got me during my weakest point. I can learn from this and continue on. Today is day 0 for me.

[theloneliestmonk]

We've all been there, woah. It takes courage to admit to it, though, so that's a step in the right direction already. Sometimes I wonder if we're all here slipping and starting over all the time. Then I found some people on here like black spiral who have been successful for a long time. He has some good things to say.

Best of luck to you. I'll be sending good thoughts.

[woah]

I dont have much time to type alot but I just wanted to stop by here and post that I'm doing well. Tempted but handling it well.

[t]

Hang in there woah, I'm pulling for you...a slip is only a slip...recovery is for life. It IS worth the pain it costs...

[woah]

So I cant really use words to describe how bad it feels to slip but I have to admit it that I did slip. 2 days ago on Sunday night, I viewed P and I dont know why. It wasnt enjoyable. It wasted time when I should have been sleeping. Tiredness is almost always a factor for me to slip. It makes me so weak. I now feel like my recovery is questionable. I've been trying to stop since I started. I've had a few successful periods. I felt this go-around was the one though. I guess I'll just have to learn from this and try harder. I want to share this verse that found me the day after my slip. It sure made sense at that point.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what he has promised.” (Hebrews 10:35-36)

[woah]

I'm not giving up on this journal I just havent had much time to come on here. I have time when I'm at school but I just dont feel right coming here when I'm sitting in a public place. Its something I'd wrather keep private. And that is part of the reason I am still addicted. I havent actually told anyone about it so its really hard to deal with on my own. Well I just wanted to update this. I'm learning alot and feeling better about this. Day 6 for me now.