|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 23, 2007 0:52:43 GMT -5
MY SON AND DAUGHTER PHONED!
They said that they weren't allowed to phone me all this time!
I asked my son why and he said, "because mom said that you would take us"
I asked why and they said that it was because mommy went to the court (They would have told her she was committing a criminal offense)
I told them I loved them and that I was worried sick about them and told them about all the many, many ways that I had tried to get ahold of them.
My son said that he wanted to move back with me!
He said, "Daddy, you're not going on the computer are you"
I knew what he meant and I said, 'No"
He said, "you promise?"
I was in tears, I said, "no"
Guys, I've got to beat this thing.
My kids also repeated something interesting " DAD, Why didn't you let grandma (my ex's mother) invest some money in the house to finish it, and she could make some money and you could get a Condo.?
That EVIL EVIL WITCH I KNEW it when my kids said that my wife's stepfather was coming up to go skiing with them this winter! They were going to force to buy me out and make the profits on the house!!!!
I have the reply e-mail from my wife's mother that called me down about being a sex addict and said she was going to expose me as a sex addict in court. I'll show the e-mail. I'll also show why she was so intent on shaming me into submission!
|
|
|
Post by rockwell on Oct 23, 2007 14:44:51 GMT -5
I am so glad you were able to speak with your children. I hope all works out for you. I want it to work out for you. I want you to be happy. Hang in there.
rock
|
|
|
Post by LookingUp on Oct 23, 2007 20:40:56 GMT -5
I'm so relieved for you. I'm so thankful you got to talk to your children and they are fine and still love their daddy.
You and yours are in my prayers. I'm glad you have more reasons to continue in sobriety and grow in recovery. What a wonderful reason - four miraculous blessings.
LookingUp
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 24, 2007 17:21:43 GMT -5
Still sober, No porn or MB.
I'm supposed to be on a 100 day thing for the accountability cirlce but I've lost count of the days.
I made a decision which may be financially detremental in the long run but it will get my kids back.
THe lawyer told me the best bet in getting my kids back to town lies in the fact that I can force my wife to move back to town from her boyfreind's town 1100 kilometers away. Because the court is likely to grant my wife primary caregiver status in an interm agreement. I will have to allow her back in the house, and I'll be homeless again.
I had to make that decision to get the kids forced back because it is really the only sure thing I can do in the interm.
Now I'm mounting financial battles.
|
|
|
Post by LookingUp on Oct 25, 2007 4:28:47 GMT -5
I'm praying that you won't be homeless - but God will provide either the finances or a place for you. I really admire how you're stepping out of your comfort zone to do what's best for your children.
Congratulations on your continuing sobriety!
I don't know if it's possible in your province, but my daughter-in-law and her ex's divorce decree in the States states they must live in the same school zone - thus they have to live within 4 miles of each other for the benefit of the children. They have 50/50 custody and each has the kids for 6 months a year. That did limit them a lot when they bought homes - but they both feel it's best for the kids to have easy access to both mom and dad; it caused problems when her ex wanted to move 1500 miles away and she refused to sign the paperwork.
LookingUp
|
|
|
Post by rockwell on Oct 25, 2007 9:42:22 GMT -5
Tim,
Wow. How are you feeling. Such a stupid question I know, but how are you handling this stress? Keep hope alive!
rock
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 25, 2007 21:09:10 GMT -5
Thanks Rockwell and Looking-up.
I'm lacking a nights sleep because I worked all night and didn't go to sleep because i had too much to do to prepare for the court case. My lawyer is trying to work around the fact that I took over the house, giving my reasons and the fact that I tried to get ahold of her to tell her that she could move back in. I think because I'm tired I'm feeling especially negative.
Looking up. I read about 100 or so pages I printed off the internet about Parental Alienation Syndrome. Thank you so much. It was a real eye opener to see that it was such a prevalent thing, and it explained so much of the stuff my kids are going through. I got alot of helpfull ideas on how to proceed. I hopethat I have a chance to take part in my children's upbringing.
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 26, 2007 0:31:24 GMT -5
No porn no masturbation. Family is still here. Working lots. Preparing for court.
|
|
|
Post by LookingUp on Oct 26, 2007 16:30:20 GMT -5
Congratulations on the sobriety.
Keeping you in my prayers as God runs you across my mind.
LookingUp
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 26, 2007 22:59:35 GMT -5
Still not acting out No Porn no mb
Spent all day at lawyers preparing affadavit, preparing for trial/
I have alot of uncertainty about what is going to happen. Lawyer says I have to tell son to be patient and I am trying to do my best. I am scared now because I have to reveal that my son wants to live with me and will not get him with me immediately. He will be with a mother that will be very angry at him for saying this and it may be way too much for him to handle. I am ready for the court. I am scared for my son though.
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 27, 2007 20:03:44 GMT -5
Last night I decided to drink some beer with my family to relieve stress. I drank 4 beer and then, before I went to bed, I viewed porn briefly,and later I masturbated. I hadn't masturbated in about 3 weeks and hadn't viewd porn since the beginiing of August. Now the lust monster is back alive. I have to devote time to recovery, I cannot drink because it weakens my resolve ( and could become a problem by itself. I have to quit smoking too because it is a trigger. Guilt Shame. I still am committed, but I feel the complete loss of strength I had prior to this slip. It was so sudden, I completely gave in and caved when teh lightheadedness of the beer hit me. I feel like crap.
I have to take a week off work and spend thousands on legal fees , driving and flying motels to go to the court case. I don't really want to think now. The stress of the coming week weighs so heavily on me and I have slipped, I've got to get that feeling of freedom from the lust monster back. I was so focused yesterday, even though I went through periods of extreme stress thinking about my kids, and today I'm a basketcase.
|
|
|
Post by manic on Oct 27, 2007 20:20:09 GMT -5
Hey Timoteiy,
Sorry to hear about your slip. At least it's clear why this one happened, and what you can do to avoid it (cut the alcohol intake). I'm not trying to minimise here, but don't make a big deal out of it. You've got too much on your mind anyway.
Take care, Manic
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 27, 2007 22:30:26 GMT -5
Thanks Manic. I can't afford to beat myself up about it, but I can't really afford a slip neither.
|
|
|
Post by LookingUp on Oct 28, 2007 12:17:08 GMT -5
Sounds like you learned one way not to stay sober. I pray you won't make that same mistake again but learn the lesson it has for you. I'm glad you realize you can't beat yourself up about it - but pick up the pieces and keep moving forward one step, one day, sometimes one minute at a time.
I said prayers for you and your children - and for a compassionate judge with loads of common sense who can see through the bull-poopie and rule in your favor.
LookingUp
|
|
|
Post by timoteiy on Oct 29, 2007 10:23:16 GMT -5
Fought off the urge to slip and woke early. I am on the West Coast waiting for a flight up North to get to the remote town that my estranged wife took the children. I am scared for them, extremely scared. It is very frustrating trying to convince people of the level of physical and verbal abuse that my ex-wife is capable of.The court date is on Thursday, but since I got alot cheaper flight Tuesday morning, and I have to get there early to try to get something set up for support for my 2 kids, I will have missed 10 days work total by the time I return; I am broke.
Since my wife told the children that they couldn't phone me because I would kidnap them (nonsense- this would jeopodise my relationship with my children and ruin my chances, and I'm not that insane) I fear that access to them will be limmitted because of these allegations. She may tell the schools she put the children in and I will have to talk to the principals/ counsellors. I have spoken with the principal previously, and a social worker up there. I am hoping to arrange some kind of visit that is witnessed to get an assessment of how they are doing without their mother's control.
If I win the court case, my estranged wife and the children will be forced to move down to my house in my town 1100 kilometers ( around 650 miles) away and proper assessments done. If allegations of my sex addiction are used against me, particularly that I have looked at porn when tha kids were in the house, she may win the right to stay, but I doubt it.
My son, who is 13 years old, is in great conflict with his mother. Last night she took the phone from him while he was crying to me and hung it up. I know that he is under huge stress and her response would be anger, rage, verbal assualts. She uses her experience working at the women's shelter back in my home town to manipulate a claim of victimhood. She cannot say that I have been physically or verbally abusive. I can say that about her. Because she would be consider the 'primary caregiver' in the eyes of the law, it will be very difficult to be able to remove the children from her home, but I should be able to force her to move back into the family home, back home. In my affadavid I press for assessments/interviews by psychologist/lawyer for the best interests of the children.
I hear the advise to be patient. When I hear the kids on the phone and the distress they convey, I am overcome with fear, I have no patience.
|
|