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Post by little knight on Feb 17, 2005 19:36:23 GMT -5
Another day is coming to a successful end for me. Another day closer to 100! This is the longest that I have ever been sober. In a way this is good because every day is a new record for me.
I have completely eliminated lust from my mind. I have done this with God's help because I was unable to do so on my own. Although I am only 3 weeks sober, I am begining to think that this is the key to sobriety. Stop thinking about lust. Just stop. When a lustful though enters my mind push it away, pray it away, slap myself across the face, rubber band around the wrist, whatever it takes to get it out of my head!
I have heard a veteran sex addict tell me that if you continue to entertain lustful thoughts, you absolutely will MB sooner or later. It is inevitable. So stop thinking about it.
The beautiful thing about this plan is that I no longer want to MB. There are sometimes when I am alone where my addict says to me "just go ahead and MB. Think of how good it will feel. Why do you torture yourself?" These voices are very persuasive.
Through the power of prayer I can triumph over these temptations and I become stronger with each success.
Well I am not claiming victory yet. Not until I have reached 100 days with the rest of my friends on this board. And then I will be happy to try for another 100 after that.
But only one day at a time.
Still sober,
Knight
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Post by Scuban on Feb 17, 2005 21:05:24 GMT -5
To all those who confessed to slipping, we have all been there. There is no use in bashing yourself. There was a time when I was telling myself just to indulge in porn and forget about this board or the quest to stop my habit, a habit I admit that was getting out of my control. Since I have been there and I feel that we are all our brother's keeper, I have to tell you to Get back in the race like Frank Sinatra sang in the song "That's life" Compute your days and report it to Al, but no more slips OK?
I hope I never become a slipper again, unfortunetely it is possible but it isn't impossible not to go back. I am going to make these 100 days. I have disabled photos from being displayed on my computer for this reason. If you don't know how to do it, look at my first post on this thread. Those 100 days, 200 days, 300 days are going to feel pretty good.
"Fall 7 times, get up 8" --Japanese proverb
--Scuban
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john
New Member
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Post by john on Feb 17, 2005 21:37:54 GMT -5
We almost made it for the day !! Again I am grateful to God for everything I have ! That include having you guys to share my dark side with. I have just heard that song and for the first time I did pay attention to the lyric This song describe exactly how I feel right now !
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me I once was lost, but now I'm found Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear And grace my fears relieved How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed
Through many dangers, toils, dangers toils and snares I have already come I've already, I've already come 'Tis grace hath brought me safe, it's brought me safe thus far And grace will lead, gonna lead me home Oh, yes he will
Can't count how many times I thought about How many times Lord you brought me out And I don't deserve the love you give Don't know why you chose me but I'm glad you did (oh) Everything I have is because of you
So people there will always be a tomorrow ! I have read somewhere that some people wanted to join ! We should create a new group very month ! So people can always join ! John Almost day 07 !! TEXT
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Post by sherwood on Feb 18, 2005 7:31:40 GMT -5
Dear a day at a time
sorry to hear about the slip, but so glad to hear that you're back in the running. It would have hurt to see you go.
Sherwood.
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Post by Sawthelight on Feb 18, 2005 13:47:10 GMT -5
Day:
Glad you are back. Hang in there with the rest of us. I am not a fan of counting days because the implication is that you have "permission" to act out at the end. This thread, however, is an exception. It really helps build momentum to read every day about people joining and the pledge and making it work.
Once stat I would like to see: the TOTAL days of sobriety we have collectively accumulated under this pledge. That is going to be an impressive number, and yours and mine count toward that goal...
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Post by shortguy on Feb 18, 2005 21:19:35 GMT -5
I want in too! This P addiction is tearing me and my family apart, so today I will start my recovery! I'm looking foreward to being free of this poison!
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stikint
Full Member
Phi 4:13 I am capable of doing all things through Christ, the One strengthening me.
Posts: 235
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Post by stikint on Feb 18, 2005 21:40:27 GMT -5
Shortguy, welcome on board! Yes, the fight, always "the fight"! Keep your head high and remember you "are better than this"!!!!!
Good luck to you too!
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Post by little knight on Feb 18, 2005 22:51:39 GMT -5
Today I came very close to slipping. I allowed myself to think that nothing bad would happen to me if I MB. I would be in the privacy of my own room. Nobody would KnoW about it and it would feel really great.
I quickly pushed this thought away and then prayed the serenity prayer. I must have said it 10 times. Gradually the seductive thoughts left me alone. This disease is really insidious.
But I am still in the running for 100 because my addict did not get the best of me. I am going to do my 5th step right here on this board and in the partners forum as well (if that isn't going to be humbling, then I don't know what is).
Good luck to everyone in their own personal struggle with lust and temptation.
Still sober (and aiming for 100),
Knight
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zaf
New Member
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Post by zaf on Feb 18, 2005 23:24:20 GMT -5
I really like the table that Al did for all of us. This is day 003 for me absolutely no P, no MB. I feel really great 97 more to go, let s do it. zaf day 003
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john
New Member
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Post by john on Feb 19, 2005 2:21:41 GMT -5
Hey People ! Again another day !! I am so happy although I am kind of feeling too confortable ! I am not totally controlling my thoughts .Have to work on that !
Its's have been a week today !!
John day 08 !!!!! Loving it !
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Post by Al on Feb 19, 2005 3:39:26 GMT -5
Okay, since a.d.a.a.t. slipped, we were set back to May 28. Then I added Marillion with the same date. Also I made an exception to our rule about adding new people, and I added Shortguy. So our group completion date is now May 29.
LET'S NOT PUSH THIS INTO JUNE!!!!
Oh, and there is no permission to act out once this period is over. It's meant to be a start to something much bigger, something that will last the rest of your life.
Finally, adding a grand total was easy. Here are the stats as of today. This will be the last update for a little while, but we are still active in this plan, okay? Never forget that you are responsible to everyone else.
Be well, Al
Name____________Date____Free____Done_on a_day_at_a_time_17-Feb__2_______28-May Al______________6-Feb___13______17-May August_Hope_____10-Feb__9_______21-May Benny___________13-Feb__6_______24-May bottleneck______23-Jan__27______3-May Dilbert_________15-Feb__4_______26-May GodHelpMe_______16-Feb_________ john____________20-Feb_________ Ken2____________25-Dec__56______4-Apr knight__________25-Jan__25______5-May Maddy___________4-Sep___168_____13-Dec Marillion_______17-Feb__2_______28-May Orange04________13-Feb__________ Padraig_________11-Feb__8_______22-May pastlife________20-Jan__30______30-Apr Paulus__________13-Jan__37______23-Apr Pollito_________14-Feb__5_______25-May raj_____________16-Feb__3_______27-May River___________6-Feb___13______17-May Sawthelight_____28-Jan__22______8-May scuban1_________14-Feb__5_______25-May sherwood________28-Jan__22______8-May Shortguy________18-Feb__1_______29-May sjh57___________17-Nov__94______25-Feb stikint_________12-Feb__7_______23-May thepride724_____12-Feb__7_______23-May wolfy___________23-Jan__27______3-May zaf_____________14-Feb__5_______25-May
GROUP___________20-Feb_________31-May
MEAN____________________23.30769231 MEDIAN__________________8.5 TOTAL_DAYS______________606
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Post by Padraig on Feb 19, 2005 9:04:56 GMT -5
John - we are both on the same day, sober wise. Be careful with that comfortable feeling. Last time I slipped - 2-10-05 - I think I had posted about a feeling of being tired or bored or complacent, I don't exactly recall but soon thereafter I slipped - Now I am on the 9th day of being sober, the same amount of time I went last time without falling back. Each day has had its own unique & different struggles but I've been able to stay focused. I try not toget overwhelmed by this whole ordeal & process of recovery as thinking of the recovery from a wide screen perspective is a bit much for me right now. One day at time seems to be working at the moment. Thanks for coming up with this 100 days thread. It feels good to be part of and beholden/accountable to this group.
Padraig sober for 8 days, working on 9!
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john
New Member
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Post by john on Feb 19, 2005 11:01:37 GMT -5
Padgraig,
You are right ! I have to be careful, I start having thought and physical condition that can lead me where I don’t want to. I have just called a church and asked if I could confess. But I still wonder if I would be able to open up completely ! I am becoming less strong will. I am not at the stage where My hand goes down but where I start thinking for a while before being able to change my thought ! Padrgraig I will need your help !!!
John, Day 08
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Post by Padraig on Feb 19, 2005 12:07:11 GMT -5
John - go do something to clear your head! Go outside, pray, go confess as you said - you'll have the courage to tell the priest everything. I'm sure it's not the first time he will have heard such saga's as ours. Go to the bookstore, go play rugby, go to the gym, go to the grocery store, exercise, pray for others, wash your car, go to the park - it's Saturday - get outside & breath. I'm heading out for the rest of the day right now with my 2 little girls (twins!) and my 2 sons. That will be my focus.
The point is, for me, in these early,early stage of recovery is to stay busy & try not to focus on not focusing on p & mb. Wow, did that last sentence make in fricking sense?! You CAN get thru it. Do you have a game plan for recovery or are you just winging it? If you don't have a plan, now would be a good time to write one down.
Stay strong John, commit to getting thru today. You are in my prayers.
Padraig
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Post by a day at a time on Feb 19, 2005 13:47:21 GMT -5
Day 001 successfully accomplished. This whole week I was off from work & yesterday I was left alone to my self but I survived it. Day 002 is under control. My kids have left to my mother-in-law’s house & my wife is off for the whole evening (coming back quite late). I will be shutting off the computer as soon as I post this. (Drastic but necessary measures)
Recovery is advancing at a slow rate but I can feel it happening. Thanks to all for readmitting me in the “club” & a warm welcome to the new members.
John, I hope you find the courage for your confession with the priest. It is extremely hard to open up in my case. Last year I went through therapy & it helped me enormously in order to stay away from P & MB but I did no confess entirely. I did confess my porn & my masturbation addiction & went into it quite profoundly but I kept to my self the escalading patterns. Today I search a particular kind of porn above everything else (a fetishism) & I was absolutely ashamed to talk about it & I did mention it lightly but that was just not enough. I whish I could talk about it here but I feel is inappropriate since it might arise ideas in others who might not have searched for that kind of porn. Anyway John what you have is a great opportunity to be free of your secrets. I’m with you, go for it.
Day 002
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