john
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by john on Feb 13, 2005 1:38:23 GMT -5
Hello, I am new ! Do you know the feeling that you have everthing in your life that you have dreamt of and that you are messing up and that you may loose everything that you have ? That's the story of my life ! I was introduced very early in P.. in my life. That of course lead to major MB. I read 2 articles tonight " Breaking p*graphy Addiction" and "Treatment and Healing of p*graphic and Sexual Addictions". The second article is the story of mylife. This quote made me realized where I am. "This addiction was followed by an increasing desensitization to the materials’ pathology, escalation to increasingly varied, aberrant, and “rougher” kinds of erotic materials, and eventually to acting out the sexual fantasies they were exposed to. " Although there are some part I don't identify myself to, like the "rough" part, but there are others where I do like acting out sexual fantasies. I have acted out. Eventhough It was not as pleasurable as in my fantasies and that I realized that I didn't really like it , i kept on looking to act out. Does that make sense ? You enjoy fantasying about it although you don’t really enjoy doing it live but whenever an occasion appears you jump in it !! I know what I can loose ! I don’t want that ! I don’t want to hurt my wife, kids, and family !! There are too important for me ! Life won’t make sense for me without them. When I read “I need help” in the General board lightwave.proboards15.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1107923926 I knew I will have the same problem if I don’t act now ! Not tomorrow but today ! Anyway I have been trying to work o it for a while ! Trying to stop MB and PA. Last week while searching on the net ways of trying to stop, I came across and church website. I wrote to the pastor asking him he can be a moral support by e-mail without telling him anything. He never replied. Which was good because I would have never found this group ! My wife knows that I MB. She is kind of ok with it. But she does not know how much I do it or watch porn. I want to set my first goal at 100 days without MB or porn ! Would anyone want to join ? I am just starting !! I NEED HELP !!! TEXT
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Post by nihilist on Feb 13, 2005 11:01:05 GMT -5
Congratulations, John. you have made the first step in that you see that you have a problem. it's a big step!
you might want to look at why you do it, what's missing in your life and what are your triggers. you might want to make a list of the things you want in your life and another list of the ways that p impacts negatively on your life. best of luck, n
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Post by Al on Feb 13, 2005 14:43:37 GMT -5
I want to set my first goal at 100 days without MB or porn ! Would anyone want to join ? I am just starting !! I NEED HELP !!! Count me in! I'm at day 7. Be well, Al
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john
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by john on Feb 13, 2005 14:58:02 GMT -5
Al, wow day 7 ! My wife and kids are away for a week or so. So I wonder if I will be able to control myself until then.
Nihilist for me i think the problem started long time ago. Very early exposure to p. I think of a the danger to early exposure to it makes you rationalized everything. You even end up thinking that everybody go through that and watch that. With no limit. The more you see the more you see nothing wrong with that.
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Post by river on Feb 13, 2005 16:07:58 GMT -5
I'm on day 7 too. This is about the 1000th time I've tried to quit. Destroyed my collection, went to confession, and prayed every day for the grace and strength to stay pure.
I've been struggling this afternoon. Luckily I found the strength to look for help instead of falling.
Count me in as well.
-- River
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Post by Maddy on Feb 13, 2005 16:08:03 GMT -5
john,
Although I am currently sober, I would like to committ to staying sober for 100 days. For me, that means that I cannot act out with P or MB.
While I plan to never act out again, it is good to look at things in smaller chunks of time. When I am tempted, I will know that I have committed to you that I will stay sober until May 23rd.
I also have a committment with CV to stay sober for 6 months, started September 5th. So far so good.
Good luck, let's keep up the support!
~Maddy
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john
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by john on Feb 13, 2005 16:15:29 GMT -5
Thank you River and Maddy, My ultimate goal is still 100 days but for now I am planning to join River in his 7 days goal ! Then I will do what Maddy is doiong planing from there ! They should add a chat options in this forum for those who are about to "slip" , cause sometime you know you are about to give up and it will help to come and find someone online and chat about that !
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bottleneck
Junior Member
Life is about balance.
Posts: 55
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Post by bottleneck on Feb 13, 2005 22:04:55 GMT -5
Hey, I'll join 100 days for no P. I don't think I can do MB abstinence yet, though. I'm working my way there. I'm on day 21 of no P right now.... and it feels great!
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john
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by john on Feb 13, 2005 22:24:39 GMT -5
Bottleneck, You are so lucky ! you can do MB without P. I always start with MB for some days one things led to another i ending watching P. For me there is also my fantasies. Actually it's one of my biggest problem. My addiction start in my mind. I can say that my addiction is more my mind than P.
John Day 02 !!
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Post by rjh0705 on Feb 13, 2005 22:37:48 GMT -5
Hi John, Thanks for the kind words about my post. I don't know if I should be flattered that my actions are used as a "What Not To Do Guide." I'm just trying to get through each day as best I can right now. It's been almost 6 weeks, but I think I'm using artificial restraint instead of self control. But, if can be of assistance to you in helping each of us get through even one day without porn, I'm all for it. I'm going to wait to start counting when I have to be accountable for myself (If that makes any sense). My biggest suggestion for you is to come clean with your wife. Let her be a support person before you strain your relationship to the point she can't support you anymore. Once you're honest with her, you can't help but be honest with yourself (including finding what drew you to porn in the first place). As my wife has told me, words are meaningless; it's actions backing up your words that regain trust. I wish you nothing but the best in your goal and recovery. If there is anything I can do to help, I certainly will. Good luck, Joe
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Post by Scuban on Feb 13, 2005 23:04:49 GMT -5
Hey John. I have been trying to reach the 100 day goal for quite some time now but I keep into my own way of getting there. I have even created a word document file with 100 boxes to mark each day and to see on paper of where I am at and still need to go. I am there with you my friend. We will all get there with you which is good because it is lonely there at the top especially when you know another person in the same lowly predicament couldn't make it. I, too, have gone to material that I wouldn't like in real life or is disgusting but still seek it out. Dr. Carnes talks about wanting to get a harder fix, kind of like the slippery slope that many drug users go down to acheive the next high. We get desenstized to the old stuff and something taboo to feel good, even for things we don't really like. I doubt many people would want to be in a gang bang who watch it, I sure as hell want to and I am glad to say that I have never part of one; but this habit could take us down a dark road if left unchecked. One board participant, in a quest for a harder fix, went to a gay bathhouse and had anonymous sex with another man although he isn't homosexual. This may not happen to you or I but my tastes have shocked me. A tip that you may want to incorporate before you embark on this long journey to 100 days is to download a free trial filter at www.download.com. Just type in adult filter or porn filter and a list of programs will be displayed. They are trial but the one I am using doesn't detail the amount of time that it can be used. You can also disable photos or video from being used by Internet Explorer by going to TOOLS, then INTERNET OPTIONS, then click on the ADVANCED tab and uncheck SHOW PICTURES under the multimedia section. You can also disabled video. You can use this as a way to better safeguarding against any slips. You can't if you can't see the pictures, so a goal of not un-disabling the picture mode is better defined. Doing this will also make downloading pictures faster as you don't need to wait for the pictures or video to appear. I have tried to quit without this things and isn't working because I undermine myself with just taking a sneak peek or throwing away the difficult goal of internet access with no fence. But these still aren't foolproof as I wouldn't be where I am. However, by doing this all together, we will be stronger. Let's check in no more than 10 days at a time. Onward soldiers, --Scuban
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john
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by john on Feb 14, 2005 23:48:13 GMT -5
Scuban 1
Thanks for your post ! the best thing about this web is that you realized that years of feeling alone in that addiction that there are people going through the same thing.
Talking about how my taste have shocked me !! I am not that far from the story you wrote. Didn’t go all the way but that was far enough for me !
Today was good for me ! I came home very late so that I didn’t have time to think about sex !
I am trying to keep myself busy so that I won’t have time to think. So far so good.
Rjh075,
What do you mean by “I'm going to wait to start counting when I have to be accountable for myself (If that makes any sense).” ? does it mean you have MB ?
Thank you All ! John Day 03
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Post by Padraig on Feb 15, 2005 7:26:18 GMT -5
In!
What does that mean to me? No f***ups: NO viewing any porn or anything resembling porn OR mb of any sort. (with or w/o p)
100 days is a big goal. I can't look at it in terms of "100 days". I can look at in terms of today. 100 todays eventually will add up to this short term goal. Each day brings its own new set of struggles, barriers, excuses, triumphs, defeats, etc. Good luck to us all.
Keep accountable via this thread.
Day 5 (Or since I feel good about myself today 13 or the last 14 days clean!)
Slainte,
Padraig
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Post by pollito on Feb 15, 2005 8:47:23 GMT -5
I´m in John.
I´m reaching day 1, after 47 days clean. We can make it. Let´s do it!!!
Be well,
Luis
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Post by Sawthelight on Feb 15, 2005 11:47:03 GMT -5
A worthy goal! Sign me up.
The days I have been sober are done and gone, and I see no point in trimming them off of the 100. So, onward to May!
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