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40 days
Dec 6, 2007 16:36:14 GMT -5
Post by samthegood on Dec 6, 2007 16:36:14 GMT -5
Well along with the few others, I'm back to Day one again as well. As I scroll up the page and see that only 24 hours ago I was strong and confident, it just takes one bad situation to screw it up. I wrote down what led up to this, and I was home alone, sick, and on the computer. Will not let that happen again. Now the climb begins again...
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40 days
Dec 6, 2007 16:46:47 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 6, 2007 16:46:47 GMT -5
Day 1 is always hard. It was close but I made it.... day 2 today.
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40 days
Dec 6, 2007 17:56:41 GMT -5
Post by jericho on Dec 6, 2007 17:56:41 GMT -5
I'm with you samethegood, its my first day tomorrow, last LAST episode was less than 2 hours ago. I was in alone and decided to go online and check my banking then decided to mastrubate to get rid of the thoughts of going onto porn sites, then you start to 'rationalise', its not hurting anyone, i can control it, etc etc. I can't control it. But from each episode to try and learn something from it, i.e. the triggers, tonight I learnt that if i'm alone with nothing to do then I could stray.
Here comes 40....
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Post by here2learn on Dec 7, 2007 0:53:42 GMT -5
MAN!! had a rough day today - wasted time and slipped - this sucks.... I need to try harder.
Renewing my intention... now starts day 1.
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40 days
Dec 7, 2007 12:37:36 GMT -5
Post by tito29 on Dec 7, 2007 12:37:36 GMT -5
day 5 done... wow. this was slightly wicked. coz i went out and was high(3 beers) and thats always a problem. :-)
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40 days
Dec 7, 2007 16:56:00 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Dec 7, 2007 16:56:00 GMT -5
day 26. Hang in there guys!
Peaceful bodies peaceful minds
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40 days
Dec 7, 2007 22:38:51 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 7, 2007 22:38:51 GMT -5
Praise be to GOD.
What a relief... 1st day is over! The next few are at home with parents so should be just fine.
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40 days
Dec 8, 2007 23:23:53 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Dec 8, 2007 23:23:53 GMT -5
There you go here2learn - it's just 1 day at a time anyways, no matter what amount of abstinence. Way to go bro!
day 27
Peaceful bodies peaceful minds
Bright
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40 days
Dec 9, 2007 11:28:22 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Dec 9, 2007 11:28:22 GMT -5
Darn I feel stupid showing my face here.. Another slippage, and it was the for the silliest reason too. I was trying to download music, and I got like a billion pop-ups with you-know-what on them.
Still, I'm trying not to dwell on the slip, but the reason for the slip. I find that in my 4th week of sobriety, recovery tends to take a backseat, and I live my life normally, occasionally taking the time to post here and/or go to meetings. And that shouldn't happen. Recovery should always be at the forefront.. At least until I can kick this thing for a good long period of time - like 6 months or something.
Anyway back to Day 1, Cap
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40 days
Dec 9, 2007 12:43:36 GMT -5
Post by tito29 on Dec 9, 2007 12:43:36 GMT -5
dammit, i slipped 2. i think getting high on drinks definetly enhances the desire. back to day 0..
i dont know what it is, but im not that motivated this time around? anybody similar?
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40 days
Dec 9, 2007 23:07:07 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Dec 9, 2007 23:07:07 GMT -5
Motivation is something that goes up and down, Tito.. that's just the way it is. This thing is sinister and devious. You might say now that you've lost motivation, and that you don't really want to quit; you feel you just want to control and enjoy P. Fast-forward to 3 months later and I guarantee you will have re-discovered exactly what brought you here in the first place - that you are sick of it and want to stop more than ever.
I find that after achieving a lengthy sobriety and slipping for a stupid reason, I have nearly no motivation to continue recovery. Usually I'll act out a couple more times until I've completely relapsed, which only wastes time and does nothing to help me.
The best you can do is try to recover immediately and hope that with 2 or 3 days sobriety under your belt, you'll start to feel better about your decision. But there's definitely no point in declaring, "Oh what's the use?" and going back to your old ways. You need to have faith in your initial decision to quit, and just follow through with it. Nearly every person on this forum has tried "controlling" and "enjoying" this habit, but it never ever works. Ask anyone in AA or NA, let alone just SA.
******
I can't sleep.. it's 4.09am here, so technically it's Day 2 for me. Hope I can get back to bed soon...
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40 days
Dec 10, 2007 3:41:00 GMT -5
Post by tito29 on Dec 10, 2007 3:41:00 GMT -5
capillarian, you've said it right thanks... hell that was motivating. it was my frist try and i did 6 days.. now im ready to start again..... i dont feel anything right now, but i know that with 2-3 days under the belt i'll feel energized about this.
you are right, im sick of it, its the same thing repeated over and over, and its boring now. i dont want to control+enjoy, i want to eliminate, coz its a time killer which is the worst...
so here it goes.. day 0+a few hrs. :-)
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40 days
Dec 10, 2007 12:23:54 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 10, 2007 12:23:54 GMT -5
There you go here2learn - it's just 1 day at a time anyways, no matter what amount of abstinence. Way to go bro! day 27 Peaceful bodies peaceful minds Bright Thanks and WAY TO GO yourself!!! Everyone else, lets try to catch up (Hopefully we won't catch up fully) 4th day today
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40 days
Dec 10, 2007 18:31:33 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Dec 10, 2007 18:31:33 GMT -5
day 29
Cap - you have a good attitude and it seems you're dwelling on the right thing. Stay strong - the hardest times for me are usually right after a slip I end up binging. Glad to see you here posting right after a slip.
Peace
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40 days
Dec 11, 2007 20:21:54 GMT -5
Post by done4good on Dec 11, 2007 20:21:54 GMT -5
On day 0 tomorrow I will try and go all day, then go for the rest of the week. I think I can do it.
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