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40 days
Dec 3, 2007 20:06:26 GMT -5
Post by done4good on Dec 3, 2007 20:06:26 GMT -5
Well all didn't go well so I'm starting over. Wow look at me Mr. no self controll. This tottally sucks. I wish there was no p. It would make life a whole lot easier. But seriously why do I keep doing this to myself, you would think that I've learned. But I haven't, apparently I like burning myself on a hot stove over and over and over. Seriously How am I going to get out of the gutter.
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40 days
Dec 3, 2007 22:10:09 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 3, 2007 22:10:09 GMT -5
done4good, keep tyring. Have you tried coming up with a list of why you should quit this addiction? For me, I've tried to learn alot about this problem more and more and have tried to come up with more reasons of why I shouldn't go back to it. When I have done this, I was able to think clearly and control myself. When I forgot this, I would slip. Check out the list at the bottom of this thread: lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=addicts&action=display&thread=1191958495&page=3and then read on to the next page for more.
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40 days
Dec 4, 2007 16:46:30 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 4, 2007 16:46:30 GMT -5
Day 7 today and its getting harder.
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40 days
Dec 4, 2007 17:09:45 GMT -5
Post by done4good on Dec 4, 2007 17:09:45 GMT -5
Have to start over again today. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
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Post by samthegood on Dec 5, 2007 0:49:12 GMT -5
Don't worry man, keep trying! I know exactly what you are talking about when you keep touching a burning hot stove over and over and over again. I feel the same way quite often. It's the hardest habit I have ever had to break as well. This has been a hard 9 days for me too, but trust me, everyday that I check how many days I have been sober, I am infinitely proud. If you haven't already, go to the sobriety counter thread and sign up. For me, it has saved my life so far. For the past few days I've been really struggling to get dirty thoughts out of my head. It's embarassing and gross but I truly believe that if you can train your brain to not think about such things, it won't have the desire to think of them anymore. Keep it going. I'm positive you can do it.
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 10:43:07 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 5, 2007 10:43:07 GMT -5
GOD forgive me! Would have been day 8 today but instead its back to day 1 again!
So hard yesterday - but its my fault for listening to music and browsing youtube. Now I must do good work so hopefully it will erase my bad.
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 10:57:33 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Dec 5, 2007 10:57:33 GMT -5
Here2learn, sorry to hear about your fall. What I always found useful and kinda sobering was writing a list of things that lead up to the incident. If you've just come out of acting out, usually you know exactly what it was that drove you there. For instance, being alone and on the computer for a long time, or feeling complacent, bored, procrastinatory, etc.
Other stuff, like hidden emotions which drive you to your habit, you may not begin to see so clearly until you've been sober for longer. Recently I've realized I've been denying myself a lot of things, and I've been missing a lot of things in my life which have lead me to search for those things in inappropriate places. It's all part of the learning experience that is "recovery".
Day 22, Cap
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 11:07:43 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 5, 2007 11:07:43 GMT -5
Recently I've realized I've been denying myself a lot of things Thanks for the lessons. Indeed I need to do this more often. The more you deny the self, the lesser it will want. The more you feed it, the more it wants.
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 11:19:22 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Dec 5, 2007 11:19:22 GMT -5
Sorry I should rephrase. I meant denying myself certain healthy things drove me to look for those things in porn and MB. For example, healthy friendships, or going out with friends, or activities I really truly enjoy, like making music, watching movies, etc. I thought that by denying myself those things, I could spend more time working recovery or working on my studies. But that's not the case at all, that's just the addict talking again.
What's important is finding a balance. Yes, you do need to work recovery day-to-day, but you do need all those other things as well. They're inseparable. They're mutual.
Hope that helps, Cap
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 12:12:34 GMT -5
Post by tito29 on Dec 5, 2007 12:12:34 GMT -5
day 3 completed.
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 14:19:00 GMT -5
Post by here2learn on Dec 5, 2007 14:19:00 GMT -5
Cap, understood. thanks for the clarification. Yes, certainly, healthy friendship is a must... and finding a balance between everything in life is important.
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 15:39:32 GMT -5
Post by done4good on Dec 5, 2007 15:39:32 GMT -5
Well so far today is good. I feel confident that I'll be alright. It's not so hard right now, but I know how quickly that can change.
Hoping for 1 good day, done4good
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40 days
Dec 5, 2007 19:41:44 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Dec 5, 2007 19:41:44 GMT -5
Day 24 clean. Hang in there guys, just never give up!
Peaceful bodies and minds
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40 days
Dec 6, 2007 13:36:10 GMT -5
Post by tito29 on Dec 6, 2007 13:36:10 GMT -5
day 4... done...
(comments in brackets are digressions)
common where is everyone? ive read mostly all the recent posting(in all the recent threads), and i must say one thing. guys... PLEASE stop being so hard on yourself. PA is not like other addictions, alcohol kills, cigs kill, drugs kill (both you and others around you)... so take it easy... be easy, gentle on yourself. you can do it, and you will......
PA (the internet variety) kills time.... and to me (at this point in time in life) its the biggest killer of all. if you think about it, we have finite time here and we surely can't waste it on this crap..(as this starts mostly from boredom and then boils over to compulsion) ..(i think another guy, 'maart' on this forum had similar conclusions.. ).
if i count the number of hrs spent d/l movies, etc.. damm what a HUGE waste...
also, i gotta say this. ALL the posters here sound like
1.very intelligent(you wouldnt be here),
2.smart(you know this sucks...80% of all the interent surfers are addicted, they dont know it!!),
3.sensitive(you know that this is knocking time off from "living life" (again quoting that guy 'maart')
4.beautiful(hope you are!!!!:-)) people and with
5.strong enough will power(even ONE FREAKIN day matters man... if you think its really hard. try counting hour by (freakin) hour... 10hrs free, 12 hrs free. trust me when you get to 100 you wouldnt wanna start at 0 i know i wouldnt)
and im sure you can do this...
I read this on some site, you gotta (after a healthy while has passed by, say 6months) forget you ever had this problem (no, not go back, hell never go back) but forget it... like a scar that fades with time.. its the ultimate healing. (eg. livers, lungs also recoup so should your soul/heart, and forgetting something is the best healing of all).
thanks guy .. and .... GO FOR IT dammit.
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40 days
Dec 6, 2007 15:47:53 GMT -5
Post by done4good on Dec 6, 2007 15:47:53 GMT -5
1 day done and 1 day sober. This day feels good, I think I'll be alright. I was thinking, for me at least, it is more of a self control issue. I'm addicted but I don't even like looking at P anymore. I see no point to it, but I just keep giving into my addiction and that I know isn't good for me and I don't even enjoy. I mean I hate P, it dusgusts me and it dosen't even do much for me anymore. Its just so stupid. Why do I do it when I know how bad it is. There is just no point to it. Logic would tell you that if I feel this way I should have no prob stopping but, its hard to do. If I just had more self controll I think I could stop no prob. I think about other guys I know, and they almost never look at p or mb. And all I think is, How do you do that? Because seriously I wish I didn't feel that drive pulling me to it.
Thanks, done4good
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