Post by william1000 on Dec 15, 2007 18:51:08 GMT -5
I suppose its time to put another entry into the journal. I am not as enthusiastic as I once was. It was nice at the begining with all the words of encouragement from others. That has stopped. There are so many journals to read and most of them are much more exciting than mine. I should look at that as a good thing. Some of the journals are crazy. I'd prefer to have my issues than some of other peoples issues. I feel sorry for some of the people here, the burdens they have to carry is immense. Even when they are trying to change they are not trusted. Its hard to understand an addict unless you are an addict yourself. The struggle is difficult to identify with it. Its sad the damage P does to relationships. How hard it is to forgive and accept a sinner. How hard it is to let go of pain and turn over a new leaf or accept that someone is really turning over a new leaf. Some of the standards expected by some SO's almost guarantee failure. The relapses by PA's must be devastating for SO's who have supported and encouraged. Its all so complicated and messy. It really a complex dynamic.
I am still doing well. It must be over 70 days. I don't ever want to go back to what I was but when do I stop being an addict or feel the guilt of an addict. The site is good for people looking for help. Its hard to tell whether its a good thing for people to be involved with for the long run. I do see people who 'relapse' often regret not maintaining contact here. Its trickey. At some point if you are successful you probably have to leave this site behind. Its potentially a trigger in itself. Its a reminder of the past as well.
So where do I go from here. 100 days hopefully. That would be sometime in January. It would be great to achieve that milestone. I am tired today. I think that is making me a little dissillusioned. One or two of the journals I would like to write a really honest comment but it would probably only start a war. It would be an attempt to help but I don't think it would be accepted as such judging by others people innocent attempts to help or advise. I should avoid reading them but they can be quite compulsive. Its hard to change people. Advice in life is most often ignored, bitter experience is the best teacher.
Hopefully the next time I post I won't be so tired and I see again whats positive about this site. Its full of great people really trying to change and great SO's who are giving great support. This is the important thing to remember.
I wish you luck in your struggle. Its worth it.
Kind Regards
William
I am still doing well. It must be over 70 days. I don't ever want to go back to what I was but when do I stop being an addict or feel the guilt of an addict. The site is good for people looking for help. Its hard to tell whether its a good thing for people to be involved with for the long run. I do see people who 'relapse' often regret not maintaining contact here. Its trickey. At some point if you are successful you probably have to leave this site behind. Its potentially a trigger in itself. Its a reminder of the past as well.
So where do I go from here. 100 days hopefully. That would be sometime in January. It would be great to achieve that milestone. I am tired today. I think that is making me a little dissillusioned. One or two of the journals I would like to write a really honest comment but it would probably only start a war. It would be an attempt to help but I don't think it would be accepted as such judging by others people innocent attempts to help or advise. I should avoid reading them but they can be quite compulsive. Its hard to change people. Advice in life is most often ignored, bitter experience is the best teacher.
Hopefully the next time I post I won't be so tired and I see again whats positive about this site. Its full of great people really trying to change and great SO's who are giving great support. This is the important thing to remember.
I wish you luck in your struggle. Its worth it.
Kind Regards
William
