william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Oct 23, 2007 3:25:04 GMT -5
Another day dawns, hopefully it will be a good one. I am still determined which is good. I am spending too much time here however. That is still probably a good thing for the moment but not in the long term. A quick pop in and out is best I think.
For anyone new starting today, thanks for starting the journey. This is the first step in a thousand mile journey to freedom
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Post by shpeperfeck on Oct 26, 2007 0:09:17 GMT -5
I agree. After overcoming this first bit, i dont want to keep porn in the forefront of my mind.
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Oct 27, 2007 9:52:28 GMT -5
I'm losing track of time now. Its probably over two weeks. I am happy with this. I was away for a few days and didn't get tempted. This was a major event for me. I'm lonely when I have to travel with work. It was good to avoid temptation . Hopefully I can keep going again now and extend my period of being good. I always concerned about falling back into old patterns. I guess there will be moments of stress where I will be tested. As always any words of encouragement would be welcome Bye for now William
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Oct 30, 2007 19:49:37 GMT -5
It must be getting close to 20 days now. The days seem to be passing faster. I'm happy with my progress to date. When I decided to do something about my problem I thought about what was bad about P. I especially thought of the exploitation of the poor people involved in the industry. It must be a terrible trap for them. Alot of them suppose its a stepping stone to fame and the normal film industry. I guess for most of them its a trap thats hard to get out of and haunts you for the rest of their lives. I decided I didn't want to support such things ever again. P is a terrible disease in society that passes almost unnoticed. It must be wrecking so many lives and relationships. Its so evident here in this website. I know me changing won't have a huge impact but if enough of us do it will. It would be great to put the P makers out of business but I suppose that is a dream. For every addict weaning themselves off there are probably 10 getting addicted. This is very sad. If you are reading this please drop a few lines of support. Its always good to get a few words of encouragement.
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Post by Mayberry on Oct 30, 2007 19:58:19 GMT -5
Here's a word of encouragement for you, friend William: "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them—a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." M. Ali, boxer Here's to you having the will, and developing the new skills in your sobriety!
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Oct 31, 2007 18:03:28 GMT -5
Hi All,
Thanks Mayberry for the words of support. I'm glad I started on this journey. I feel all the better for it. I think I am like alot of people here. I am basically a good person but this P is a big problem for me. I feel so much better without it. I feel like I am being me again. I get inspiration from the other journals, there are alot of people trying hard out there.
It interesting to read also the different attitudes out there and the different factions in the arguements. Its a pity from time to time there is such bitterness and alot of intolerance of other peoples opinions. I suppose you are more like to have issues between people who have issues. Why can't we all just get along.
Why.....are you doing this? Why? lsn't the universe big enough... ...for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how strong we would be! Earth... ...and Mars... ...together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! Think about it! Why destroy... ...when you can create? We can have it all... ...or we can smash it all! Why can't we... ...work out our differences? Why can't we... ...work things out? Little people... ...why can't we all just......get along?
Why can't we all just agree to disagree and all get along. I guess thats humans for you always ready to start an arguement. When I was young I saw the world as black and white but as I get older its just different shades of grey. There is good and bad in almost everyone. I am not terribly religous but I do believe that " let him without sin throw the first stone". In that case there would be very few stones thrown.
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Post by rockwell on Nov 1, 2007 10:41:39 GMT -5
William,
You stole my story as well!!! Welcome to this amazing and powerful board! You are at the right place at the right time.
I want to encourage you. You will go through some tough times, espcially when you hit the one month mark, but you can make it!
I have been P-Free for 8 months now. I have slipped with MB several times during these past 9 months, but it has not been anywhere near like what I was like before Feb 22, 2007. A couple of weeks ago I can very close to relapsing, but I am still P-Free.
So it can be done. You are welcome to observe my journal of ups and downs, ins and outs.
Anyhow, you are here for the right reasons. Keep journaling every day and do not take your sexual sobriety for granted. We never know when a "wave" is going to hit us, so stay alert.
Wishing you the best in your recovery,
rock
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 4, 2007 3:53:27 GMT -5
3 Weeks Down - Whipeee! ;D Its good to have gotten this far. I want this to be it forever. I am surprising myself in my lack of interest in P. I suppose I thought long and hard before I started. I am so against P in principle. It causes suffering to those who make it and consume it. It really is a kind of creeping evil. Even all these popstars especially the women singers exploit mens desire for it by sort of simulating it. Its exploitation of people in a way. Its dressing it up as "sexy" but its really about getting people obsessed with them and lusting them. They are still unattainable but they give you the impression if you knew them you might get lucky. But I guess even they get messed up. Poor Britney Spears is not advert for fame these days. She exploited her image but now she just seems to be a shell of a person. P has become so mainstream. Its images appear alot in advertising. Its exploits men's basic desires and acts as triggers. Beauty is just distorted now for advertising purposes. It wouldn't surprise me if people nowadays are having less sex nowadays that in the conservative 50's and 6o's. People want to look "sexy" but don't necessarily want "sex". For men P seems to be replacing sex in alot of cases. I feel alot better without P. Its more real and the pretence and hiding is gone. I hope you keep it this way but the journey is long and I have only gone the first few miles. At least I am breaking patterns. I hope anyone who is reading this that you stay strong in this struggle. You weren't always like this and you can go back to who you used to be. For those SO's who are struggling I wish you luck. I can't imagine it being easy. The betrayal must be hard to deal with. Hopefully the person you love is still there and that someday you can put all this behind you and all labels are removed. I don't know if an alcoholic is always an alcoholic but I'm sure it would be good to get rid of the label at some point . I think its the same here. Retaining a "label" only reminds you of your weakness. Hopefully the day will come where we can all say I used to be a P addict but now I'm not. I have completed my road to recovery and I never intend to go back to that place. As ever any words of encouragement are welcome. My opinions here are only opinions that are always being formed and changed as I learn more about life. I don't believe I am necessarily right in what I am saying but at this moment in my life its what I hold to be true. .
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gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 4, 2007 10:35:22 GMT -5
Congrats on 3 weeks mate.
Welcome to the wonderful board. I think you are well on your way to a successful recovery. Are you in an accountability circle? Are you involved in any support groups?
Keep posting here and come here when you need to. It is a huge help.
Thank you for posting in my journal and feel free to write what you want. I am like you, if you cant take the truth, you do not need to be here.
Look at Walking the Path accountability circle. If you think you might be interested, follow the instructions on the first page.
Rockwell and I also have to be on the road sometimes with work. Feel free to ask either one of us for our plans against temptations or feel free to use me as an acountability partner to report to if you feel you need one.
Gregg70
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 5, 2007 18:24:00 GMT -5
Just popped in to keep up my journal entries. No issues today. My wife is in a bit of bad mood that used to trigger things. I am trying to let it brush over. I'm not the cause of the bad mood thankfully but I am in firing line as there is noone else around to complain to. Thankfully she is only rarely like this. Still I feel guilty when she is in a bad mood as if I should have prevented it in someway even though I know I couldn't. I am more of an introspective person than cranky or moody. I am almost never cross. I'm not sure if that is good thing or a bad thing. I think you bottle things up as well. Hopefully she has a good nights sleep and is back to normal tomorrow. Us humans are strange. When you are happy you almost forget that sometimes you were sad. When you are sad you completely forget that you were ever happy. Why can't we teach ourselves perspective. Anyway better get to bed myself as I am tired. I wish you all a good day, evening, morning or night, depending on where you are
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Post by Philter on Nov 6, 2007 6:45:43 GMT -5
Hi William,
In response to your question on my journal about losing weight, I did Weight Watchers. I tried several diets, and that was the easiest for me. I didn't go to the meetings, I just used the food point calculator. I also exercised some and drank tons of water. I found that what I thought was hunger was actually thirst.
Congrats on three weeks!
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 8, 2007 18:36:41 GMT -5
Hi All, Thanks Philter for the tip. I am trying to follow the weightwatchers method as well. I've done it before so I have the books etc. Sustaining it is the problem. I may as well try to break all my bad habits at once. If only I stop eating crap I will be happy. This week is going well. So busy at work that I don't have time to think which in alot of ways is good for me. I am better when I am moving and acting rather than thinking.
A very interesting psychiatrist died last week by the name of Anthony Clare. He was very interesting to watch and listen to. Very humane and caring. He was asked one time how do get to be happy. Here was his response. "Number one: cultivate a passion. It is important in my model of happiness to have something that you enjoy doing. The challenge for a school is to find every child some kind of passion — something that will see them through the troughs. That’s why I’m in favour of the broadest curriculum you can get.
“Number two, be a leaf on a tree. You have to be both an individual — to have a sense that you are unique and you matter — and you need to be connected to a bigger organism — a family, a community, a hospital, a company. You need to be part of something bigger than yourself. A leaf off a tree has the advantage that it floats about a bit, but it’s disconnected and it dies.
“The people who are best protected against certain physical diseases — cancer, heart disease, for example — in addition to doing all the other things they should do, seem to be much more likely to be part of a community, socially involved. If you ask them to enumerate the people that they feel close to and would connect and communicate with, those with the most seem the happiest and those with least, the unhappiest.
“Of course, there may be a circular argument here. If you are a rather complicated person, people may avoid you. If, on the other hand, you are a centre of good feeling, people will come to you. I see the tragedy here in this room where some people sit in that chair and say they don’t have many friends and they’re quite isolated and unhappy, and the truth is they are so introspective they’ve become difficult to make friends with. Put them in a social group and they tend to talk about themselves. It puts other people off.
“So that’s my third rule: avoid introspection.
“Number four, don’t resist change. Change is important. People who are fearful of change are rarely happy. I don’t mean catastrophic change, but enough to keep your life stimulated. People are wary of change, particularly when things are going reasonably well, because they don’t want to rock the boat, but a little rocking can be good for you. It’s the salt in the soup. Uniformity is a tremendous threat to happiness, as are too much predictability, control and order. You need variety, flexibility, the unexpected, because they’ll challenge you.
“Five, live for the moment. Look at the things that you want to do and you keep postponing. Postpone less of what you want to do, or what you think is worthwhile. Don’t be hide-bound by the day-to-day demands. Spend less time working on the family finances and more time working out what makes you happy. If going to the cinema is a pleasure, then do it. If going to the opera is a pain, then don’t do it.
“Six, audit your happiness. How much of each day are you spending doing something that doesn’t make you happy? Check it out and if more than half of what you’re doing makes you unhappy, then change it. Go on. Don’t come in here and complain. People do, you know. They come and sit in that chair and tell me nothing is right. They say they don’t like their family, they don’t like their work, they don’t like anything. I say, ‘Well, what are you going to do about it?’
And, finally, Gyles, if you want to be happy, Be Happy. Act it, play the part, put on a happy face. Start thinking differently. If you are feeling negative, say, ‘I am going to be positive,’ and that, in itself, can trigger a change in how you feel.”
The professor slaps his hands on his desk and laughs. “That’s it.”
“And it works?”
“Well, it’s something for the fridge door. Try it and see”
I think its a good a guide as anything. What it made me think is that P is not conducive to happiness. It tends to isolate you from the world, you withdraw and hide and become introspective. Its very individualistic in its very nature. I think these are other good reasons to give up and to get back out there into the world. Have a good evening everyone. William
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 11, 2007 5:48:35 GMT -5
Hi all
One month down. A month seemed a long time when I started. I am happy to get to this point. P has not really been an issue at all. M is more difficult as its a more basic desire. I currently have no real desire to view P again. I want to leave that behind. M is something I will have to deal with on a day to day basis. My wife and I are great together is most ways but she is not very interested in Sex. This has always been a sadness for me but I understand and respect her feelings on this issue. Its a complex subject for her. When you love someone so much and you want them so much when you can't have them it can distort you. This is something I have to learn to cope with. I wish I could leave my sexual side behind and just become apathetic about it and it serves no purpose in my life. I will just have to deal with it as I love her very much and she is very good for me. In many ways she saved me from a life of solitude and loneliness. Nothing in life is perfect and I have to deal with that imperfection as best I can. P and M was probably a coping mechanism but I want to leave that behind as I don't want those two things in my life. I wish my sex drive was equal to my wifes as in mine reduces to her level. It would make life easier. I have always hoped as I get older I would be less interested but this hasn't proven the case so far. What odd for me at times is that she wants to be wanted but is unable to go further than that. Its because of things that happened to her before I ever knew her, I think she would like to be different but can't. I accept that and I knew from day 1 that this was an issue I would have to live and cope with. This was a difficult post for me but maybe for myself I needed to say it. Its a hidden ghost in our lives which I hope at some point I can banish by being no longer interested in sex at all.
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 11, 2007 18:09:09 GMT -5
Another day over. Another day free of P and M . Thats good. Hopefully I can keep it going.
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 14, 2007 19:12:11 GMT -5
Just a quick note to keep up my good work (up to this point). I don't want to let it slip now. I've been reading some of the journals. Some people have big problems. I guess its all relative. There are alot of similarities between people here, the procrastination, boredom, shyness , loneliness, lack of self esteem, fantasy, imagination, escapism. Its a good start that we are all at least acknowledging we have an issue. Its a pity its not easier to deal with. Its an easier addiction to hide that say drink or drugs. Its more subtle in its destructiveness but it can be every bit as destructive as drink, drugs or gambling. I still think I made the right choice with my decision to join here. Now I must keep it going. I'm sure there will be tough days ahead but I will meet those bridges when they come to me
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