gregg70
Full Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 248
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Post by gregg70 on Nov 14, 2007 23:21:14 GMT -5
What is your plan for when you get to that bridge? Yes there will be tough days ahead and that is when just white knuckling it will not work. That is where alot here fail because they might not have a plan or they are not working the plan and getting to the root of the addiction. The end result is PA. What causes the addict to run to P?
Know what sets your behaviors off kilt. For me, its stress coupled with lack of sleep. Throw in a situation that I do not have control of and boom, I am a prime target to resort to my old habits. I have a plan in motion but the biggest help I have is I have identified these feelings and I am learning on how to deal with them. In turn, the tempations are almost non existent. I am able to communicate better and I treat my wife alot better. Our relationship has never been better.
Gregg70
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Post by rockwell on Nov 15, 2007 12:03:38 GMT -5
William,
Sometimes these things can hurt, but dont take it personally. Keep on your recovery journey.
rock
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 15, 2007 18:30:49 GMT -5
Another day over. Very happy this evening to see some helpful comments in my journal. I really appreciate it. Its good to know there are caring people out there. They have their own struggles but still take time to drop a few comments. It has been a worthwhile journey so far. I think though when you peel away one problem you do start to realise other problems too. I in common with alot of people here can be a terrible procrastinator. I cannot ever understand this pattern of behaviour. I am best under time pressure, I can pull out all the stops and do it. Give me time and I will delay, delay , delay. I've wasted so much in my time like this. Watching television, playing computer games, listening to music, surfing the net. These are not that bad habits but when its at the expense of doing other important things. When I was at school and we had homework at the weekend, I would be thinking about doing it all weekend but get in a sweat sunday evening doing it. In many ways I wouldn't mind if I did it sunday evening as long as I didn't spend the rest of the weekend planning and thinking about doing it but not doing it. I thought when I grew up I wouldn't be like that. For the last 6 years I have been doing part-time study. I've never failed but in many ways I have never succeeded either. I thought at this stage I would be better at it, more mature and organised. Its always been last minute but with many hours wasted kinda studying but not really. If I studied one tenth of the time I've spent trying to study I'd be a genius. Even this site has become a distraction. I could spend a few hours here reading logs. Its good because it reinforces my desire to stop but it could become a habit in itself. I'd like to break this cycle of procrastination. I don't know how I will but its my next aim because it fits in with other things I want to do. I will be finished my studies for ever and ever by next February (I've alot of work to do between now and then - but it will done at the last minute unfortunately). After that I only want to study things I'd like to be able to do ie: Cooking, Photography or Filmaking , Car Maintenance, DIY. My other objective is to get fit again. This takes concentration and keeping a pattern. I has to come from within. I hope I can find that concentration and determination. I have a good life and alot to life for so I need to get busy living, I don't want to get busy dying.
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Post by rockwell on Nov 16, 2007 17:21:20 GMT -5
William, I am finding that statement to be very true in my own life. As you know from my journal, I have peeled back deeper into myself and found a selfish husband. And I am working on that. You can work on the procrastination too. Recovery is more than just ridding yourself of P. It is becoming a better person all around. Keep up the progress, William!
rockwell
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Post by freshstart on Nov 19, 2007 4:27:23 GMT -5
William, Thanks for posting in my journal. You are right of coure. Best wishes, FS
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 19, 2007 18:07:13 GMT -5
Just popped in to update my journal. Very tired today. Work is intense and studying at the same time. Not good for me! I wish I was really studying. As usual I am just procrastinating. At least I am working at work. Very busy but its good for me. Time is just flying by. I can't believe how fast the days are passsing. Time used to seem slower. At least I get more out of life these days than I did when I was younger. I wasted so much time in my prime lost in dreams and imagination. I suppose it was from shyness which led to loneliness. Its a pity I cared so much back then about what people thought of me. In some ways what other people think doesn't matter. P and M feeds into all of that. I didn't think anyone would want me so all I could do was indulge in my imagination. I always wonder if I had a girlfriend when I was a teenager (which I would have loved) would I have been different. To my deepest bones I didn't think anyone would ever want me. Its a great feeling to be loved and I am lucky that I am. I am very happy that I have made the break away from P and M because I feel more truthful and honest about my life. I am not hiding my little secret anymore. This is a good thing. I do feel a bit "purer" which is a good feeling. I guess you must get a feeling like that when you are baptisted in somewhere like the river Jordan as an adult. Washing away all your sins. It would be great if it were possible. P is such an evil in the world, its a pity it can't be washed away and all those trapped by it (consumers and the victims of it) freed and liberated. I fear a Pandoras box has been opened in the last 30 years that will now never be closed again
I have a song running round in my head. It seems a bit morbid but really its kind of a happy song. I guess in the end to die happy would be a significant achievement.
A Happy Death is all I want To feel that I have loved someone And did the things I said I'd do And lived my life true A Happy Death is all I want To see my children laugh and run And not to lie upon my bed and think of things I should have said
While your here shine like the sun Cause it won't be long Before were gone Our kingdoms will come
A happy life can be found The fortune wheels keeps spinning round And lucky days are never far The answers will be in the stars When you hear the news Don't shed a tear Just wear a smile from ear to ear
While your here Shine like the sun Cause it won't be long Before were gone Our kingdoms will come So smile while your young Cause it won't be long Before were gone Our kingdoms will come A happy death is all I want
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 21, 2007 17:42:28 GMT -5
Another day over. I've lost count on the days. Could be close to 50. This is pretty amazing for me. I hope eventually this becomes 5000 days as I'd never like to return to what I was like. Should be studying. Rubbish at this as usual. I could have been Einstein if I had spent 10% of the time I've allocated to studying actually studying. I can remember being in university in the library supposedly studying distracted by everyone who walked by. Maybe I was lucky. Was Einstein happy? Was he disappointed in the end when he didn't find a unified theory of everything. Was he disappointed that most people don't get relativity. Did he ponder every night if Schroedingers cat was dead. Anyway must overcome procrastination soon. I'm sick of it.
So what do I want to do for myself in life Quit P and M Stop procrastinating ie: Do it or don't do it, don't have good intentions and then not do it Get fitter - Must buy a treadmill or some other fitness device- Any recommendations anyone Learn how to cook Do things for others without expecting rewards.
Lots to do - important to do them and not just think about doing them
Good Night everyone William
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timetochange
Full Member
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)
Posts: 108
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Post by timetochange on Nov 22, 2007 2:26:16 GMT -5
Hi William I just thought I'd drop in and say hello. It's good to see how positive you are. I too must admit (reluctantly) to being a procrastinator. After reading your post, I am feeling more inspired to quit my dawdling and actually MAKE something of my life. Time is a valuable commodity, and I've wasted too much of it already. Thanks again for your honesty and your positive attitude timetochange
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 26, 2007 16:55:27 GMT -5
Just popped in to write something at least. Still going well must be over 50 days at this stage. Thats a nice milestone. Its encouragement to keep going. I feel good for it. Once I finish my studies in February getting fit should be the next big task. I think its important as part of an overall recovery. I need to cleanse my body of junk and rubbish of all types. It would be great to be fight and light again. I hope I can start and sustain as well as I am doing here. I wonder is there a similar site for people who eat to much rubbish. I'm not too heavy yet but if I keep up this rate of progress I will. I am happy to see new people joining the site. I am unhappy to see a few of them getting their head bitten off when they accidently offend people. I think some addicts or SO's can be a bit over sensitive and touchy. I think most don't mean to offend. For some journals contributions are welcome as long as they 100% agree with the journal writer. I personally think its important to listen to other opinions as well For all those who have fallen this week I encourage you to pick yourself up again, dust yourself down, think about why you started and restart your journey. Even Christ fell three times. William
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Post by freshstart on Nov 28, 2007 13:31:57 GMT -5
Hi William1000, Thanks for dropping by my journal. You are a great encouragement, and I appreciate the way you challenge me. Best wishes, Ray
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Nov 28, 2007 17:14:23 GMT -5
Another day over. I am still feeling good. Its really poignant reading other journals. I see aspects of myself in each one of them. Its strange even though we know we really don't want to do P and M its so easy to slip into a sequence of just that. I wonder is it a drug addiction of types, what ever chemicals start running around must be very addictive.] Some many of us regret the first experience and wish we had avoided it. My first serious introduction to P was a book called Romance of Lust. I don't know how I came across it but it had a serious effect on my life. I may still have been the same if I hadn't come across it, there might have been something else to start it off. The book was extremely explicit and not good for a young mind. You can't turn back the hands of time but you can change for the future. This is what I want to do and like the man who fell of the skyscraper he was seen passing each window saying "So far so good". Hopefully I am falling off a really tall building as it is So Far so good and I don't want to hit any pavements. I read one journal who mentioned Jemma Jamesons autobiography. I'm not really familiar with her but I assume I've seen her at some point (so many they are all just a blur). It seemed to be a very sad story. Linda Lovelace also had a very sad life. It must do terrible damage. When you see all these young people getting stuck in the trade what must their poor lives be like. I am happy I am not supporting such an industry any more. It will probably find new fools to replace me but I hope in time they learn to turn away from it. Best of luck to all those who are struggling. We all struggle, it isn't easy but its a fight worth fighting Have a good night William
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Post by rockwell on Nov 28, 2007 20:10:50 GMT -5
It is encouraging to read about your success. Keep it up, but keep alert too. You never know when the beast will rear is ugly head.
rockwell
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Dec 3, 2007 16:36:54 GMT -5
Just popping in to put my journal back towards the top so I can find it!
I think I am at 60 days now. This is pretty incredible for me. I'm delighted. I didn't think it was possible but there you are. I was certainly determined this time. I am always wary of falling back into old ways I know before I have lost weight only to put it all back on again. I think it was because I didn't change my lifestyle. With this I suppose I have changed my lifestyle. I am careful about what I do on the net. The Net is a great thing but a terrible thing as well. It must have multipled by thousands the number of P and M addicts. Its just a tool and depends on how you use it. For those who are struggling and would like to be at 60 days I am nobody special. I don't have any special will power or techniques. I just want to stop. I really really want to stop. Maybe it takes time to get to that point. Some people are struggling to get past one day. This is really tough. I think you have to take a long look at yourself if you find yourself in this position. Are you really ready to quit. Do you really want to quit. Why do you want to quit. To stop this addiction you have to Stop. Its sound simple but is probably the hardest thing to do. I think some people here should just take a hammer to their computer or DVD player or TV. You have to break all the connections and opportunities for P and M. Christmas and New Year are good times to stop. Its a chance to wipe the slate clean and live a new life. I hope you will all do this. For me I just have to keep going, I don't want to return to where I was.
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Dec 4, 2007 19:38:21 GMT -5
Hi All, Its a good sign that my Journal goes so far down the list in 1 day. Lots of people are keeping their update all infinitely more interesting than mine. Someday I will think of something most profound. Anyway congratulations to anyone reading this today. You are amazingly lucky to be here. You are here because all your predecessors managed to find a mate and successfully procreate. This means they survived world wars, disease, famine, pestilence, wild animals, barbarians, mongols, Roman armies, slave traders, floods, earthquakes, volcanos, ice ages, wooly mammoths, T-Rexs, Velociraptors long enough to successfully procreate. This stretching back over millions (even billions of years ) since amoeba split in two and became male and female (unless you suscribe to the literal meaning of the bible - which you have every right to and could very well be correct - then it would be stretching back about 8000 years and they managed to get on Noahs Ark) you forbearers managed to meet a mate and successfully mate and offspring equally successful. Thats an amazing achievement. It could also be that your descendents go on multiplying until they become as numerous as the stars. In fact they may be living near those stars and Earth will be long gone and forgotten about. So congratulations again for being here. Its an amazing achievement
Kind Regards William
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william1000
Full Member
I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
Posts: 110
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Post by william1000 on Dec 6, 2007 15:13:13 GMT -5
Another day another Dollar. I am tired but feeling good today. Very busy at work. This used to be a trigger but thankfully not at the moment. Sort of home alone. This used to definately be a trigger but I am being good. Its nice to have made these changes. Its important now not to be overconfident and fall back into old ways. I hopefully won't. I could actually say at this point I hate P. I hate its exploitation and the victims it lets behind. I wish you luck in your struggle and your journey. Struggle is good for us. We are only destructive when things come too easily. Kind Regards William
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