Dennis Journal

[MrOuch]

D,

Glad to see you're doing well with p. Wish you were living in a house filled with healthy people. Stay strong. Get lots of vitamin C. Resist temptations.

MrOuch

[backstabber]

Wow man you are my hero!

Not only you are staying off p, but you are taking care of a whole family! You are a good man!

[DennisW]

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope that I can repay the compliment/encouragment.

I am looking back over the weekend. I have not posted. I wanted to remain committed to posting daily and I did not do it over the weekend. I see this as a move in the wrong direction. I also have not been as successful with the yelling like I wanted to. All it takes is one comment or one outburst and any positive units in the love bank are depleted. I really want to improve this.

I got frustrated this morning and said some things with a negative tone. My wife wanted to use the bathroom while I was getting ready for a shower. She knocked on the door. I said she could come in. She opened the door and stood there with the door open, but did not come in. It was upsetting to me because of the cold air and because it feels like she is avoiding sexuality by avoiding seeing me in the shower. I said, "we are married. You are not going to see anything you have not seen before." I said it with an angry tone.

I want to stop responding in this kind of way, but am struggling with it.

[MrOuch]

I also have not been as successful with the yelling like I wanted to. All it takes is one comment or one outburst and any positive units in the love bank are depleted. I really want to improve this.

Dennis,

Hold that quick tongue. I am reminded of James 1:19 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Nor does it make your wife happy

The key phrases here are "quick to listen" and "slow to speak". How often do we do it the other way around--quick to speak, slow to listen. And what is the usual consequence when we do. I'll tell you in the Ouch house, it was usually a pissed off wife. Now, I try to listen first. I slowly digest the words that are spoken. There may be truths in them, or clues to what's going on inside the speaker. I don't throw back a quick insult or hot comment off the cuff. I respond thoughtfully. It's not easy at times, but it is always the right thing to do.

Be well today.

MrOuch

[DennisW]

I'm tired. My youngest daughter has a double ear infection and was up last night. I took a muscle relaxer for neck pain before I went to bed. I am groggy today.

Thanks again Mr. Ouch for the reminder. James is one of my favorite books of the Bible because of his practical exonerations.

I think what his happening is that when my wife tells me things, I either want to fix it, get mad at her for not fixing it, or I misinterpret the meaning of what she is telling me-which is often an old tape-she tells me something and what I hear is "you idiot." My mom used to say this a lot to me growing up.

My own negative thinking plays a part. To be continued....

[DennisW]

Well, I blew it-not at home, at work. I let my mouth run off and I offended somebody.

Here is what I remember happening..someone was talking about how angry she gets when she hears about a man who beats on a woman. I get angry about that too and I said something about the old days, forming a lynch mob, and teaching the guy a lesson. Well, a black female co-worker became upset by this comment. She did not say anything directly to me. She talked about my comment with several co-workers. One of those co-workers, in confidence, told me that the black-female co-worker was offended by what I said.

I am upset at myself for allowing myself to make such comments when I know lynch mobs, racism is wrong-on many levels. I am upset at the black-female co-worker for not talking to me directly about my comments. I wish she would have felt safe enough to directly confront me on that.

Now I worry about an consequence. My employer is very sensitive about such comments and attitudes.