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Post by stepbystep on Jul 11, 2007 17:44:50 GMT -5
On day 2!
Today went fairly well. I had one minor temptation that I warded off. But I realize that it is important how I react to temptations, not how strong the temptations. Too many times I have successfully dealt with very very strong urges but a day later fall victim to a minor urge.
Also, another strategy I intend to use is to banish bad thoughts as soon as I see them coming. This is tough but this is the only way to live the life I want to live.
I know that am powerless over my lust and addiction, but I will to my best ability take actions leading to the right path.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 12, 2007 10:14:02 GMT -5
On day 3!
Only slight temptations from the last time I posted.
I've read some articles posted on this board, and it has really shown me how this addiction is really bad and how it is not for me.
First, I acknowledge that P/Mb addiction is bad and it is wrong no matter how much one engages in it. Next, I admit my powerlessness over lust and addiction. I will do everything that is in my power to help me progress in the right direction. And I will open myself to prayer because of my helplessness.
I must now read more about how to get rid of my addiction.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 13, 2007 13:22:46 GMT -5
On day 4!
Been a bit busy and minor urges have popped up. But I took care of the temptations and did the right thing. One thing I really find annoying is the thoughts about my addiction. They keep intruding me everywhere and making me worry. I guess this is how it is. I've just tried my best to ignore them and there hopefully will come a time when it won't bother. The thoughts include things like "can you do it? for a week? for a year? forever? I don't think so." Now that's annoying!!
Anyway, I must remember that my addiction is wrong and does me no good (that's for sure now!!). I'm also powerless over my lust and addiction and therefore, I must open myself up for prayer..
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 14, 2007 10:23:52 GMT -5
On day 5!
The going is getting tough sometimes, but what's different this time around for me is that I have hope. I have hope that I can do it. I've admitted that what the P addiction is bad for sure. There is no doubt about it. It is no good and it is wrong. I am powerless and helpless over the addiction and that's why I'm opening myself to prayer (that's what I can do). I must do what is good and do things that are much more rewarding than the horrible disease.
Yesterday, I was extremely close to losing already on day 4. Somehow, through the grace of the Lord to whom I have admitted my powerlessness helped me.
I have the desire to end this and I am fully committed. I know that anytime I could fall but that I doesn't mean I'll stop fighting this addiction.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 14, 2007 15:55:02 GMT -5
I slipped just now. I don't know why but I don't seem to feel as bad about this slip as I've done before. I've got to do my best and I've got to work harder.
Day 0 again.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 14, 2007 16:42:08 GMT -5
Slipped again
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 14, 2007 19:58:26 GMT -5
day 0!
Well, been a crazy day. And you know what? I knew the slip was coming. Already had it in my mind. And I didn't prepare.
Anyway, now my sober date changes to 07/14/07.
I still admit that P is wrong and that I'm powerless over my addiction and lust. I'm standing up and I am ready to give it everything I have. I must plan and do my best because I really want this addiction out of me and I am fully committed from today onwards.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 14, 2007 20:13:36 GMT -5
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 16, 2007 10:26:28 GMT -5
On day 2!
So far, the tempations/urges haven't been very bad but I know that they are lurking around and they going to come. What I've got to do this time is plan. I know exactly when the urges usually come and when I usually act out. I am going to set up a planned action. I know that I probably won't have the most clear thinking when I'm getting tempted so that must be kept in mind.
After the plan is set up, I am going to use it. When I do get tempted, I'll everything I can. I'll throw everything I can to get through. Then, I've got to change my plan so I can avoid that next time. This way I'll keep improving progressively.
I've got to keep a healthy activities list so that I can refer to when I'm bored, tempted, etc.
That's it for now. sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 18, 2007 10:36:47 GMT -5
On day 4!
Still doing ok. Yesterday wasn't too tough because I was really busy. I was tired so I went to sleep easy. Today, it's not going to be as easy because I'm not going to be totally busy. So, what I'm going to do is to plan out what to do and follow it no matter what.
Also, I'm working on making a plan today for being sober. I'll probably post it tomorrow when I get it finalized I think.
Until then, I need to be mindful of my actions and thought. If I see a belief that is false, I need to make sure I need to sit down, write about it, and correct it. Correcting a false addict's belief is very important because this is keeps the addict going back to the addiction.
I have the intense desire to remove my addiction, and I'm fully committed on recovery..I know I'm powerless of my addiction (weak over it) and that's I must take the necessary actions, even if it causes pain, to progress.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 19, 2007 15:41:50 GMT -5
On day 5!
I've been busy and so haven't had that many temptations. I felt a bit frustrated today and thought about going to addiction but I immediately left that idea. I knew that was not the way to handle emotions. I must handle emotions like every normal person does. I know I can do it. This time my determination to end the addiction is strong and I have more hope than I've ever had before.
I know I am capable. But hard work is a must. The desire and the commitment is there within me. I must stick to my plan and make sure I don't lose focus.
I'm glad such a board exists to help those in need.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 19, 2007 19:55:24 GMT -5
Very, very close temptation..but was able to get through because I knew it was coming. It was very tough and I know that temptations will keep coming today and even tomorrow.
I was already thinking in the lines of "if I did it today, then let's see...I'm going to be starting day 1 tomorrow, etc, etc.."
Got to get through just today, sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 19, 2007 20:29:53 GMT -5
Another ridiculously close urge that I almost fell into. I kept saying to myself that I won't give. And I give up just for today.
After this wave goes, I must analyze what went wrong and what improvements I need to make.
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 19, 2007 20:31:49 GMT -5
And I give up just for today. Oops, I mean't to say I won't give up. Oh, I forgot to add that I had dreams last night about this horrible stuff. That should have given me a clue that temptations are coming up and I need to keep my vigilance.
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Post by stepbystep on Jul 20, 2007 17:39:47 GMT -5
slipped
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