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Post by stepbystep on Jun 22, 2007 12:12:06 GMT -5
Thought it would be a good idea to start a journal. I sincerely hope that this journal will help both me and others (if I make enough progress).
I've slipped today, and thought about what to change in my recovery plan, but I've not come up with a change yet. Maybe I'll post later on this. Posting on a recovery journal is one thing different I'm doing this time. But I've been keeping journal that I hand write in a notebook. I intend to keep that going also.
On day 0! Hope that this will be my last attempt and I pull myself out of the addiction. It hurts me in too many different ways.
sbs
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Post by 1dayatatime on Jun 22, 2007 12:17:25 GMT -5
I hope you will excuse me posting in your journal. I'm sorry to read about your slip. I am heartened to see you standing up, dusting yourself off, and getting back to your recovery progress.
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 23, 2007 9:06:56 GMT -5
1dayatatime, Thanks for supporting me by writing in my journal. And yes I'm standing right back and this time I'll give it my best. I realize that what's important is that I'm progressing. I know life is not going to perfect. Thanks again.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 23, 2007 9:14:50 GMT -5
Couple of things the workshop at recovery nation has taught me:
-Never should the past dictate the person you are trying to become. -Time, effort, and commitment is needed -Looking for not a certain number of days to stay sober but to make a permanent transition from addiction to health -Take responsibility for who you are and where life's headed -3 steps to recovery: 1) actively committing to change 2) let go of shame (replace with pride with committing yourself to future) 3) allow yourself time (goal is long term gratification and success)
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 23, 2007 9:18:34 GMT -5
On day 1!
It's been pretty easy to get through 1 day since my last slip. I know it'll get tougher and so I've to be careful. I've gone through the recovery workshop lesson 1 and the things I've learnt I've posted above
Remember, one day at a time. Only today matters, not what's happened before because the past cannot be changed.
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 23, 2007 17:51:36 GMT -5
Felt the temptation but overcoming it now. Must do my very very best. this is the only way for my better.
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 24, 2007 9:51:19 GMT -5
On day 2!
I did have temptations yesterday but was able to overcome them because I didn't want immediate gratification. I wanted long-term gratification and success.
Staying sober and growing in recovery is the most important thing for me right now. So, I must try my very very best. That's what I'm definitely going to do.
This is what more I've learned: -Desire must be there to eliminate addiction. If there is no desire, you will not succeed. -Should you fail, it is because you have not fully committed to recovery. What is failure? Failure is not being able to overcome the addiction ever. If you have slipped, it doesn;t mean you have failed if you stand right back up and continue ("all or nothing" applies here).
One day at a time, sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 25, 2007 10:42:57 GMT -5
On day 3!
Good day yesterday, didn't have any temptation since the last time posted.
I learned that: -Forgive yourself because now you are working towards a healthy life, be proud of this. -I need a setback/relapse plan!!! -What are my values? (going to think about this a little later and post) -Certain changes need to take place: 1) what you are doing now is common sense, no magic. Just living a healthy life by not falling victim to compulsion and addiction. 2) Desire and commitment is needed. Only I can do it, no one else can for me. I must learn and be aware of growth 3) Need to understand how life without addiction will be (use recovery nation) - Person you are now will be the person you;ll be after or as you are recovering.
I must give it everything I have to get compulsion out of my life, this is the only way I can live a healthy and happy life. The pain of shame and guilt is not what I want.
Take it one day at a time, and give it time. sbs
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Post by sawyer on Jun 25, 2007 11:10:52 GMT -5
I'm proud of you man - it seems you are truly looking inwardly and not only identifying feeling but how to digest them and use them in recovery.
I just did your step three - looking at what life without porn will be like. I actually wrote it out for my sponsor and was surprised at how much it affected me. It made me look up from the steps now and look forward to what I am trying to achieve.
One comment though, be careful about trying to eradicate compulsion from your life, A more realistic goal may be to realize you have a compulsive disorder that you have to learn to live with an manage. The object of what you are doing is to live again, not eradicate. Because compulsive disorders morph when one form is taken from them - what is a sex addiction now, could be full blown OCD later, or an overeater disorder, etc. Just be careful of your goal - move forward, but may want to evaluate what is a realistic goal.
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 26, 2007 10:41:56 GMT -5
Thanks sawyer for your support. And I am fully taking your advice about setting a realistic goal rather than completely eradicating the compulsive behavior. I'm trying to go step by step, taking it one day at a time, and realizing that what's important is that I;m progressing rather than being perfect. But at the same time, I realize that I cannot give into and I must work very hard to live life the way I want to live.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 26, 2007 10:51:40 GMT -5
On day 4!
Mostly a good day yesterday. Just minor thoughts but I immediately caught myself and brought my attention back to what was important. I realize that thoughts are the first place where the addiction begins and cutting it off right there is the best and the easiest way to deal with the compulsion in a healthy way. Thinking about addiction is almost as if Im connecting with my addictive past. Im planning for stopping any type of addictive behavior. As soon as I realize im thinking in a way that is not good for a healthy life, Im going to start walking fast and reminding myself of all that I need to. Reading by journal, and other threads will also be a good idea. I will do my best. I can do anything and everything!
Things learning: Characteristics of a Healthy Life 2) Life will not be perfect:there will still be stress, disappointment, pain. But your skills and values will kick in so that emotions do not become extreme. 3) Urges will not end immediately. Plan for controling urges. 4) Gained control over life, proudly share life with others, feel part of life, continue growing to who you want to be.
One day at a time, past will not dictate who I am. sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 27, 2007 20:27:32 GMT -5
On day 5!
Yesterday was fairly good except for some minor temptations which I was able to ward off. I reminded myself that I can do it, I can stop anything, it's all within me. The evil ran away when I firmly held this to myself. Living a healthy life is extremely beneficial. With this outlook, I open my eyes and stay away from addiction. This gives me hope!!!
Things learnt: Recognizing Healthy Recovery Patterns -Early Recovery -significant doubts about change -negative emotions -"powerlessness" is thought as "helplessness" -Middle Recovery -accepted past and realize importance of what is present -motivation is desire to live to be proud of -Make decision on what is right -new patterns replace old ones -triggers are opportunities -others deal with such feelings also -Identify as healthy person
Must continue one day at time, not brooding over future and not worrying over the past. The present is important.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 28, 2007 10:05:21 GMT -5
On day whatever! (I'm in the 100 days goal thread, so the count is over there. I don't feel the need to keep the day count although I'm going to check the thread often so I have an idea. Afterall, what's important is that I keep this recovery going on and on and on forever. Keep progressing healthily is my goal).
Well, yesterday was fairly good with no major temptations. I made sure that I kept any thoughts relating to my addiction immediately out of my mind. I've realized yesterday, upon reading a thread about this addiction, that the addiction that I;ve experienced is very similar to the addiction everyone else has experienced. This gives me more hope that I can beat the addiction because others have done it. Life is much, much better living healthily. Of course, there is pain, stress, etc but that is normal part of everyone's life.
Things learnt:
Middle Recovery -See life as continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops -remove objects related to past
Late Recovery -Complete confidence in ability to manage life and moving forward with dreams rationally -No need to avoid triggers as healthy choices can be made in any situation -past is unbelievable. Cannot see how they would risk going back to addiction -value-based actions provide emotional stimulation -Associate themselves with health
One day at a time is the way to take it. Looking ahead and dreaming what life will be like, for example, one month with sobriety is not the right approach. Or worrying about past. Today is the present and the only day I need to concentrate on. Keep busy and stick to the right path.
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 29, 2007 10:30:43 GMT -5
One day at a time. (on day 7)
Now that I've looked at the early, middle, and late stages of a healthy recovery, I can see how these apply to me. As far as the early recovery, I am trying to get past the negative emotions. In fact, now I am heading towards having only positive emotions in myself (work in progress). In middle recovery, I've tried to accept the past and realize importance of what is present, my motivation is desire to live to be proud of, make decisions on what is right, and new patterns replace old ones. Im still improving on getting these in my head however. And Im not close to any of the things described in late recovery. I just hope Im headed in the right direction and can make it happen.
Honestly, yesterday was fairly good (no major temptations). But today morning I did have a temptation and I was thinking in my mind about what I shouldn't have. Fortunately, I've corrected that and brought myself back to who I want to be.
Now learning unhealthy approaches to addictions so I can avoid them:
Recognizing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns Four Common Patterns 1) -first several weeks driven by pure hope and enthusiam -emotions wane and find boredom and frustration for needing to put effort ("immediate gratification") -leave workshop before committing to apply concepts
Reasons quit: -joined out of curiosity rather than sincerety -panic of truly ending addiction permanently from their life
More to think about tomorrow! Remember, long term gratification and success, not immediate gratification
sbs
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Post by stepbystep on Jun 30, 2007 10:39:52 GMT -5
Slipped!!!!!!!! All I can say is I'm thinking right now. Thinking about what to do. This slipping thing has happened too many times and I must think about what I'm doing wrong. But on the bright side, I;ve got one more failure as a stepping stone to success. Maybe failure is not the right word. I must remind myself that progression is important. Not perfection. Come on!!!! I can do it. Will post again today, once I have thought out. sbs
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