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Post by witness on Nov 5, 2007 13:42:28 GMT -5
MO,
Yes, you know me, the "Good P. Guy"! Perhaps the only good thing to come out of this ugly sin in my life is to help me see how UN-good I am and how much help I need.
Yes, my wife is a wonderful person. So much better than I deserve. I loved her before but my actions said otherwise. And now that she is willing to accept me in spite of my betrayal I have that many more reasons to love, respect and admire her. I feel like I am falling in love with her all over again!
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Post by witness on Nov 5, 2007 13:45:02 GMT -5
By the way, I forgot to celebrate my 2 year anniversary here. I wish I had never had a reason to come here. But since I do, this place has been very therapeutic. My thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way. Many are no longer around here. I am very grateful.
I can see the light and I feel like I've emerged from the tunnel!
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Post by witness on Nov 6, 2007 5:22:33 GMT -5
My wife and I talked some last night about our need to communicate more on a deeper level. I think we are making progess.
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Post by Stillhopeful on Nov 6, 2007 12:13:56 GMT -5
Your wife is a wonderful woman, Witness, and I am glad you are both going to move towards deeper communication. Perhaps reading a book on good communication (eg listening skills, empathy skills, etc) would be helpful? There are also books about the different ways each gender communicates. For example, according to John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), when women complain we are often looking for support rather than solutions. If we want solutions to a problem we just ask for solutions (rather than complain). This might not be the case for you two but is just an example of the plentiful information on communication that is out there in books.
Keep us posted,
Still
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Post by witness on Nov 6, 2007 12:23:49 GMT -5
I have ordered two books that deal with couples and the problem of betrayal. One is "Not Just Friends" by Glass The other "Intimacy" by Weiss We hope that both will help in this regard. I already know that women tend to "think out loud" and don't always want an answer.
Nice to hear from you again, Still! Hope things are going well in your part of the world. Blessings! W.
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Post by witness on Nov 7, 2007 12:08:41 GMT -5
I'm doing okay. It seems like more than anything my wife needs help with all this has brought on her. I want to try to help her. But nothing I do seems to help very much.
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Post by witness on Nov 8, 2007 5:22:19 GMT -5
If my count is right I made it to the 100 day clean goal today.
Of course my goal goes way beyond that - a lifetime (or what's left of mine) of freedom!
And it only happens one day at a time. So may today be a day lived with no regrets, walking toward the light!
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Post by witness on Nov 9, 2007 5:29:21 GMT -5
I'm still determined to be pure and to live in the light!
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Post by witness on Nov 12, 2007 7:03:56 GMT -5
This weekend has been hard. My wife has been asking me about what I did, when, where, how often, etc.
She said: "You stole so much from me and our children!"
She is right. I pray that others on this board will escape this evil before they mess up their lives for as many years as I did.
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Post by witness on Nov 13, 2007 5:16:32 GMT -5
zt wrote this to me in another thread: . . . . women, human beings who are not IT are being abused to make P. It's not okay for people to abuse other people, nor contribute to the demise of their souls, because I like it, or because I like to mb to it. We know ya'll like to call it IT, and hide from the awareness those women are not OBJECTS put here for your sexual gratification. They are human being being USED for your sexual gratification FOR you and BY you (with you being any user). The men who EXCLUDE their own contribution to this cycle of abuse, are far worse than the p-ographers imo, and whatever is causing those blind spots are what needs to go because that is what blocks love.
Yes, language is an interesting thing. We can use it to deceive ourselves. I'm seeing more and more how I have done this. I would say "I'm not hurting anyone". It is just me here with these pictures. I didn't talk with anyone or get involved with anyone or approach anyone. I would NEVER do that.
Yet in my mind and in my heart I did. And it is important for me to see that and admit it and repent of it and see the evil of it all and know that I was a part of it and a promoter of it.
Today I need to confess that I used human beings as objects to satisfy my own selfish desires. I treated creatures made by God as something to be used and abused by me at my whim.
Open my eyes, Lord, to see where I was and what I did. Help me never to do it again, to always treat every human being as an eternal soul loved by You. Forgive me and remake me! I thank you for giving me another chance to do it right.
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Post by witness on Nov 14, 2007 6:44:35 GMT -5
Yesterday was a good day. This morning she came in and said: "I trusted you, I believed in you. The man I thought I married would never have hurt me and betrayed me like you did. And I am having trouble in my mind reconciling who I thought you were with what you did time after time after time, all through our marriage. How could you let it go on for so long?"
And all I can do is sigh and say I'm sorry. If only had had taken action sooner. If only I had not been so selfish and so foolish and so afraid to tell someone and ask for help.
But the "if onlys" can never lead us forward. All I can do now is try to live right today. But that doesn't help her much as she tries to deal with all the betrayal in the past.
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Post by witness on Nov 16, 2007 7:48:18 GMT -5
I'm doing fine in my recovery. As focused as I've ever been.
She told me again just now: "If you remain clean I'll stay with you. If not, I'm leaving."
I want her to stay. I will remain clean . . . with HIS help!
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Post by witness on Nov 17, 2007 6:49:15 GMT -5
I'm plugging along.
It hurts so much to see how that what I have done has hurt my wife's self-esteem. She feels second best. I never wanted that to happen. I pray for healing for her.
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Post by witness on Nov 18, 2007 13:49:49 GMT -5
She came and sat down beside me today and held my hand. I like that!
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Post by witness on Nov 20, 2007 8:28:30 GMT -5
We just got back from a walk. She talked some more about how much it hurts to know that I had other girls in my head. It is so hard for her. And justifiable and understandable so!!
I feel awful for doing this to her. But we are talking. I think we will make it . . . step by step.
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