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Post by Covad on Mar 9, 2007 1:52:00 GMT -5
Mr. Clean:
It's great to see you back! My business is keeping me extremely busy - but it is very much worth it!
I am actually on day 26 today. I'm determined Mr. Clean; and I hope you are too. Focus is so important. I want to literally turn my back on p.orn and fix my eyes and thoughts on who I want to become, not on who I want to avoid becoming.
Keep up the great work!
Johannes: Feel free to steal my one-week countdown. Do you need the code?
I hope all is well!
Thanks for stopping by guys.
Covad
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Post by Covad on Mar 14, 2007 13:44:32 GMT -5
Today is a beautiful day - a day without p.orn or m.asturbation!
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Post by Covad on Mar 18, 2007 23:12:45 GMT -5
Today was an interesting day. I am feeling anxious and aimless and lacking in confidence.
The interesting thing is, I know how to pull myself out of this...and I will. Yet, I still have allowed myself to descend a bit today mentally and emotionally. I know this is a billboard, flashing with neon lights as a warning sign....saying: "CHANGE COURSE NOW!"
These feelings are a result of some poor thought processes I have allowed to fester last night and today. It has not affected me in terms of acting out or even approaching acting out, but it is the sort of emotional state that will most likely lead to incremental acting out in the future if I do not take control soon enough.
So, I will.
Covad
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Post by choselife on Mar 19, 2007 7:56:58 GMT -5
I think thats great, Covad. I believe its inevitable that there will be times that we will allow poor thought processes to fester. As we work through whatever those underlying issues are, with time, it may become less frequent, but its not something that will totally disappear. Perhaps the best attitude is just to accept that its all part of the condition of being human. What's also part of the condition of being human, although generally challenging, is to do precisely what you have committed yourself to do - which is to recognize having those thought processes and what those thought processes lead to, and then make the choice to take control. Great job, Covad by making that choice and by posting it on the board. Good to hear from you.
CL
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Post by Covad on Mar 19, 2007 10:45:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement CL, I very much appreciate it!
It's time to turn this around today before it starts affecting my productiveness at work. I'll listen to some motivational audio and just start working...that usually snaps me out of it.
This is one of the most powerful lessons I have learned in my journey through recovery: I have power over my emotional states. I can change how I feel and how I react to feelings.
Covad
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Post by choselife on Mar 19, 2007 11:16:46 GMT -5
It can't get much more powerful that. Seems like that just leaves making it a habit to do so.
CL
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on Mar 19, 2007 19:53:13 GMT -5
Hello Covad!
Yes, amazingly we all have this power and yet fail to apply it often enough. We must all practice to apply it more.
Stay Clean!
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Post by Covad on Mar 19, 2007 21:55:31 GMT -5
Perhaps if we keep a strong enough "why" in our minds, we will more likely apply the many "hows" we have learned.
I had a fairly productive day and I was able to effectively snap out of my previous emotional state. I am doing much better tonight. One of my primary motivating factors is my deep desire to succeed in my new business. I know if I allow p.orn back into my life, I will rob myself of valuable time needed in my career and with my family. I am working long hours these days, so every moment with my family is precious. I cannot afford to isolate myself from them or waste my working time on p.orn.
Covad
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Post by Covad on Mar 26, 2007 23:56:50 GMT -5
Just checking in.
I'm getting to a point in my sobriety where not wanting to break my string of days is becoming more and more of a motivator. Personally I will use ANY motivator I can find. I've put together 6 weeks of sobriety and I do not want to break it for some very compelling reasons I have listed above. Not wanting to break my 6 weeks may be less noble, but it is real enough.
Today I will stay sober because I am looking forward to celebrating 7 weeks!
Covad
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Post by Covad on Mar 29, 2007 23:59:11 GMT -5
All is going well. Staying busy. Staying consistent.
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on Mar 30, 2007 0:43:19 GMT -5
Excellent Going!
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Post by Covad on May 17, 2007 1:28:23 GMT -5
I don't know what to say. I am baffled.
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Post by choselife on May 17, 2007 6:08:35 GMT -5
Man, I wish that you would get back to posting regularly.
CL
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Post by johannes3 on May 17, 2007 11:23:41 GMT -5
Yo Covad,
well it seems you do very well for the most part; you just have breakdowns about 4 times a year. Any thoughts on this pattern?
Take care, my friend!
Johannes
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on May 21, 2007 22:10:41 GMT -5
Hello Covad!
What matters is to know where exactly we are going and I think you know it. It doesn't matter how many times we trip and fall on the way as long as we get back up fast and continue walking. If we are persistent enough and keep at it long enough, eventually we will trip and fall less.
I know how horrible it feels to trip and fall, the guilt, the feeling of failure associate to it, but it does not help to make yourself feel overly horrible about it. Just get up immediately, devise better strategies and get going straight away and forget about that fall, stay positive. Failure is not to trip and fall, failure is stop moving towards your destination. Keep focused on the destination and improving ways of getting to it.
Take care and stay Clean!
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