Post by gpb on Jan 12, 2007 15:02:53 GMT -5
Hello, Covad;
Thanks for what you just said -- I can identify so, so closely with your fears. It helps me to remember those.
The first time I ever walked into an SLAA room, I ran smack into a fellow I'd known for some 13 years in my business field. I'd never guessed he was a sex addict. He was just as surprised as I was. Today he's my Sponsor and I'm deeply grateful for his place in my life. The thing that does protect each of us in program is the value of anonymity which is simply stated (as we say it in OA) as, "What you hear here, what you say here, who you meet here -- let it stay here." That works for us. On the most basic level, I can't say in public that someone is a member of SLAA without outing myself too. On a more important level, though, following the concept of anonymity means that I can be open with fellow SLAA members about my addiction (and I have a terribly sordid past here) in ways that I could not outside the rooms, except maybe with a good counselor. Those men and women understand where I'm coming from and vice versa -- we've all been there. But it took me months to learn that basic truth of Program. I had to be dragged kicking and scraming into being forced to begin to work program as best i could before any of this was made apparent to me.
Recovery is really tough stuff, I've learned. As long as I tried the "easier, softer way", I could never open my life up to that gift of sanity and sobriety. In the end, working the SLAA Program turned out to be the answer for me, at least just for today. I know other longtime-sober addicts who've relied on good therapy and a lot of hard work there -- there's nothing "easy" about going over one's full story with a good addictions counselor and doing the work assigned by him/her. I wish there were that "easier, softer way" for us addicts sometimes -- but I now know that it doesn't exist.
May I make a suggestion? It might be a good idea to try out the church program. Or maybe find a good recommendation for a fine addictions therapist. Or maybe try out an S-Fellowship group elsewhere. In the end, what do any of us have to lose other than a few hours of our time? I know it's scary -- I was visibly shaking before my first SLAA meeting (and was even worse off when going to my first few after I was tossed out of house and home in March of 2001) and I was doing the same in June of 2003 when my wife and I went to our first marriage counseling with a grizzled old Orthodox jewish doctor who knew his business. But in retrospect, those were among the best meetings in my life, especially the last two instances.
I just wanted to add, Covad, that being with you on these Boards the past few years has been important to me. We addicts need each other if we're to get well. I owe you a deep debt of gratitude for expressing yourself and your experience so well in your posts. They've helped keep me sober. Wishing you the very best today. As the SAS motto goes, "Who dares, wins." Let's stay sober, just for today.
Grace and peace,
Guy
Thanks for what you just said -- I can identify so, so closely with your fears. It helps me to remember those.
The first time I ever walked into an SLAA room, I ran smack into a fellow I'd known for some 13 years in my business field. I'd never guessed he was a sex addict. He was just as surprised as I was. Today he's my Sponsor and I'm deeply grateful for his place in my life. The thing that does protect each of us in program is the value of anonymity which is simply stated (as we say it in OA) as, "What you hear here, what you say here, who you meet here -- let it stay here." That works for us. On the most basic level, I can't say in public that someone is a member of SLAA without outing myself too. On a more important level, though, following the concept of anonymity means that I can be open with fellow SLAA members about my addiction (and I have a terribly sordid past here) in ways that I could not outside the rooms, except maybe with a good counselor. Those men and women understand where I'm coming from and vice versa -- we've all been there. But it took me months to learn that basic truth of Program. I had to be dragged kicking and scraming into being forced to begin to work program as best i could before any of this was made apparent to me.
Recovery is really tough stuff, I've learned. As long as I tried the "easier, softer way", I could never open my life up to that gift of sanity and sobriety. In the end, working the SLAA Program turned out to be the answer for me, at least just for today. I know other longtime-sober addicts who've relied on good therapy and a lot of hard work there -- there's nothing "easy" about going over one's full story with a good addictions counselor and doing the work assigned by him/her. I wish there were that "easier, softer way" for us addicts sometimes -- but I now know that it doesn't exist.
May I make a suggestion? It might be a good idea to try out the church program. Or maybe find a good recommendation for a fine addictions therapist. Or maybe try out an S-Fellowship group elsewhere. In the end, what do any of us have to lose other than a few hours of our time? I know it's scary -- I was visibly shaking before my first SLAA meeting (and was even worse off when going to my first few after I was tossed out of house and home in March of 2001) and I was doing the same in June of 2003 when my wife and I went to our first marriage counseling with a grizzled old Orthodox jewish doctor who knew his business. But in retrospect, those were among the best meetings in my life, especially the last two instances.
I just wanted to add, Covad, that being with you on these Boards the past few years has been important to me. We addicts need each other if we're to get well. I owe you a deep debt of gratitude for expressing yourself and your experience so well in your posts. They've helped keep me sober. Wishing you the very best today. As the SAS motto goes, "Who dares, wins." Let's stay sober, just for today.
Grace and peace,
Guy