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Post by LookingUp on May 20, 2005 13:40:20 GMT -5
I don't think it has much to do with patience. When you move to another country, you have to adapt or be ridiculed. (Learned that the hard way.) Unfortunately, it's not just that one beean-headed woman, there are at least a dozen like her. Most accept my glare or me taking his hand as a signal to move back - but she doesn't understand that.
I'll give credit where it's due: My husband has compromised out of respect for me, he won't let women kiss him on the mouth even if it hurts their feelings. He's sweet and turns his head and they smack him on the cheek. There's a couple elderly ladies that we've agreed can kiss him on the mouth and I won't gripe; I realize they are old and it's custom and they would be major offended since some 70 and 80 year olds don't adapt easily. I don't want to kiss him for hours - I just think germs. Yuck. Other women's wrinkley mouths kissing my man's mouth. Yuck. I don't share well.
I was feeling blue the other day, went to the store and by the time I got home I'd had two men call me, "my darling"; one man call me "my sweet", one "my lover" and two "my love." Normally I find the endearments rather corney - but it sure wiped my blues away that day. I got home with a spring in my step and a smile on my step.
LookingUp
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Post by tootrue on May 20, 2005 17:25:53 GMT -5
What a great way to speak...sure better than the "yeah, no problem" we get around here from the many college students! I had an uncle who always called everyone darling...it sure does make one feel good for some reason. I think I will start doing it but not sure I can pull it off ;D
Have a good day dearie, Ellie
(I think I just sounded like one of the old ladies you talked about)
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Post by LookingUp on May 21, 2005 19:11:51 GMT -5
This is going to be a long post (unless I fall asleep first). I may break it into several posts so it's easier to manage. ROCKS IN MY HEADWe went on our day trip to see the ghost town 3 hours away. Picked up lots of rocks from the old mine site for the grandchildren. They love the sparkling rocks. I noticed about half of the rocks sparkled like glitter. My husband said the sparkles are from hematite, magnetite and quartz. When the sun would hit them they were absolutely beautiful. But (aaah, somebody always puts a but in there), the other half of the rocks were pitted, deteriorated and rusted (iron content). The rocks would normally be underground, but the strip mining caused them to be forced into an unnatural environment where snow, rain plus wind has beat them over and over again during the 25-40 years that they have been displaced. This got me thinking of people. Our natural environment is one of nurture and protection; unfortunately, life often rips us from that loving coccoon and we're battered over and over again by life. Why do some people take it in stride and figure that's life and other people are almost annhiliated by it. Is it like the rock - the chemical properties of the person, some pre-determined genetic predisposition for one or the other? Or is it choices? My husband and I talked using sets of aunts and uncles from the same family: Out of six children, one sibling became bitter at life and felt his siblings were getting more (including his twin). He refused to talk to his siblings for 20 years and only started attempting to reintegrate into the family after a brother died. Yet, if you look at material goods - this uncle had been so successful in life he could have easily bought out all his relatives. They had about the same, normal childhood and he was one of the middle children. Yet the other children are happier with their humble, one-bedroom , frame homes then he is with his 10-room, brick executive home. Out of three children, one sibling became bitter at life. Yet her siblings are content, happy and productive members of society. The other sibling is whiney, needy, plays people off each other, will go weeks or months refusing to talk to her siblings, children and adult grandchildren. We've never heard her say anything kind about anybody - just runs people down and criticises. Yes, she had a challenging childhood, when she was 12 her parents died within 6 months of each other - but the other two kids handled that without becoming bitter. I think of a lady in a support group through my church. At the time I was dealing with residual issues from my childhood abuse; one lady was dealing with her husband's adultry/veneral disease; another the death of a child, another with MS and the loss of the ability to walk. Yet the one having the most horrific, emotional time was a lady still dealing with abandonment issues which caused PTSD because her parents left her overnight with her grandparents when their second child was born and she was 5. My heart went out to her because her pain was very, very real - but I often wondered if she'd ever have the internal resources to cope with being raped or having a child on drugs. - I'm grappling. Why is there such an apparent discrepancy in the ability to cope with life on life's terms?
- Is the ability to roll with the punches from nature or nurture?
- Does being raised in a prosperous country have any bearing with the percentage of people who grow bitter or shine from life's challenges similar in third world cultures?
- Let's say it is nature that makes us less able to cope with trauma; could a person change that propinsity by choices?
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 21, 2005 19:58:57 GMT -5
Sex and Fantasy
************ Possible Triggers **************
One good thing has come out of my husband's porning. It's made me take a fourth step on my own sexual attitudes and behaviors.
I didn't realize until then how much fantasy played a part in my own sexual life. I tried to understand how fantasy became a part of my sexual personality, I had to go back to childhood.
Fantasy was my best coping skill for dealing with the physical/emotional abuse of childhood. Since I needed the resources my mom provided (food, shelter, clothes), yet didn't want the daily spankings with a razor strap that left welts and bruses; or hitting me in the face and breaking my glasses or blacking an eye when I was a teen. I learned to fantasize that I had a happy family where I was loved, nurtured and cherished. I had that fantasy down so well that I was in my 40s before I ever questioned my idyllic childhood - it was a shocker to discover my childhood was dysfunction and abusive. Fantasy was a wonderful coping skill as it kept me alive. I couldn't fantasize away the verbal abuse, but the physical abuse was soothed and eradicated by fantasy.
When I was almost 19, I started my sex life, fantasy was not a part of it. But because of my smalless and his huge size, it hurt and bled every time. After a year we gave up and broke up. I already associated sex with physical pain by then; and blaming myself. I've had two children and still don't think I could handle his size without pain and bleeding. Not my problem, not his - just not a good fit.
Then I married ex1 - the one who refused sex with me, had sex with any available hole whether that be female, male, animal or tree. Got upset because I wouldn't drink so him and his friend tied me to a chair and put drugs in my arm - which is why I have Hep B, C and possibly D. After he beat me so bad I miscarried; and after I caught him in red panties and bra with his male lover - I left him. I couldn't divorce him for a couple years. Last time I saw him he was on his way to prison for robbing a liquor store. Back in the age before no-fault divorce; his felony gave me a legal reason to divorce.
A year later I was abducted and raped. Of course, it was painful. Again, another man with horse sized parts and not human sized. For three months, I didn't want any man to touch me or get near me. Then I realized I still got horny. I became promiscuous for about 2 months with a new lover each weekend. I figured I might as well give it away rather than having it brutally taken. I looked in the mirror one morning and didn't see my eyes; I saw Flo (the floozie on Alice) staring back. I realized that I was allowing the rapist to control my life. I chose to take back the morality I'd always embraced and helped make me feel good about me. I chose to forgive the rapist (althought he never knew it) and forgive myself for my response to his actions. Life felt sane again. He didn't deserve my forgiveness, but I didn't deserve to have that evil tie that unforgiveness makes.
About 6 months later I got a boyfriend and after a proper courtship we broke up the day before the wedding because I discovered he was cheating. Plus what he wanted in sex I felt was disgusting - something that had become his preference in Viet Nam and as I learn more about porn think it had something to do with necromancy.
Then I had a boyfriend who told me he was trying to decide whether to marry me or break up. A few weeks later, he decided to break up because I wasn't busty enough. I think the pig should have just broke up without telling me why - after all, there's not much you can do about that.
Next I had a fiance and a couple weeks before the wedding, him and the best man dropped by my apartment, got drunk and both of them raped me.
My life sounds like some trashy novel - but it was my reality for my first 25 years. When I was 25, I left satanism and became a Christian - best decision I've ever made. God has stood by me and loved me out of the pain of the past.
Then I got married to ex2 and since he wasn't physically abusive I thought we had a good marriage. He didn't talk much, wouldn't socialize, didn't handle money well, was verbally abusive - but it was more peace then I'd ever known. I knew he watched some porn and he had me watch a porn movie once and I laughed all the way through - I still want to laugh when I think about it as the acting and direction was something you'd expect from a 4th grader. I knew he had some porn books, saw strippers but I thought all guys did it. We were having stop-watch and clip-board sex several times a week so I thought we were okay. Not outstanding - just mediocre but I was okay with that. Stop-watch and clip-board sex is he had a routine that lasted 55 minutes and if I varied it one molecule then he'd quit, roll over and sleep. No kissing, no variation in what is fondled when or how, no variation in position - I could look at the clock and know exactly what would happen when. I thought he wasn't too inventive - but now I think it's the only thing his porn addiction would let him do. Six years into the almost 21 year marriage, I was diagnosed with syphyllis. He had his tests done at National Guard so I'd never know the answer but he said they were negative. Since mine were negative on our mandatory pre-marriage tests and pre-delivery for the children, I know it wasn't me. I presume he got it at a mustang ranch in Reno as he said he went there but didn't do more than look. He had a few receipts for drinks at the ranch and naive me was okay with that - because all guys do stuff. He knew my boundary was physical adultry and let me think he honored that. After his verbal abuse exclated to where I knew physical abuse was imminant - I left still not realizing porn had played a huge part in the marriage disentegrating.
Because of the non-involvement of my ex and the pain of the rapes and dysfunctional engagements - I learned to fantasize. With ex2, it would be with fantasy people from romance novels. With my husband, it would be him - but we'd be nurse and patient, warden and prisoner, WW2 wac and flying ace, teacher and cheerleader, rapist and rapee, or me and him but me with Pam Anderson's body. I'm sure if I would have wanted to make costumes, he would have loved to explore some of the above fantasy. I wouldn't do that now after learning about his porning. But I feel solo fantasy was wrong. I was getting a bigger charge out of the fantasy then out of my lover. I was still hiding from reality by needing fantasy to respond to him sexually.
Last night we had non-penetration love making. I've really been working on keeping focused on what is happening between us. Lights on so I can see, lots of eye contact, verbal encouragement and feedback. It was difficult to keep focused on life as it happened. I don't like to think about my aging overweight body, gray hair, wrinkles and sag. But recognizing that is reality worked. My husband loves me even with my aging body is one of the sexiest things I've ever experienced. I'm not perfect but my husband wants to please me anyway. I'm not perfect but I'm worthy of outstanding lovemaking anyway.
What really changed? Not much but my perception. If I'm focused on the here and now - then I can't be partly back in the abuse/rape/promiscuious days. If I'm focused on the here and now - then I can't be focused on wondering if my husband might be thinking of a porn star. If I'm focused on the here and now - then I'm not fretting my husband might have a porn slip.
I fought the fantasy and reality won. I'm so thankful. I think it's going to make a huge difference in my life and especially my sex life.
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 21, 2005 20:03:42 GMT -5
My third and last post for today:
Aging
I think God totally knew what he was doing when he invented how we age. I notice I am getting some sag, gray, wrinkles and excess weight. But the more pronounced the above gets - the thicker my husband's bifocals get. Unless we wear glasses when we make love - he can not see it.
I'm still lookingup to God.
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 23, 2005 12:02:50 GMT -5
fog of fantasy and emotional intimacyMy husband and I had such a wonderful weekend. We spent the whole time together and connected in a deep, loving bond at times. I skipped church because I wanted to spend time in that loving bond that we haven't shared for so long. It reminded me of when we dated. But it is also bittersweet because I know there are so many off-topic areas that I can't discuss because of his boundaries - porn, sex, ED and emotions. My husband is wonderful about conversing about "roommate" stuff - who's doing which chores, paying bills, shopping, sharing itineraries, meal prep, etc. But if I ask him anything personal, he freezes up. I've thought and thought and I can't come up with anything that I may have done to break his trust or minimize his words to cause him not to want to share his thoughts with me. I'm also learning that we're both adults and if I do cross a boundary - that he's big enough to tell me so I can apologize and learn from my mistakes. It was nice when I learned that I don't have to walk on egg-shells fearing he'll go into his cave. But to get there, I also had to start recognizing if I'm being snarky and make a strong effort to never try to "get even" at perceived or real wrongs that happen in the day-to-day relationship. If I make an effort to take the high road, then I don't have to walk on egg-shells. I also had to recognize that when he goes into his cave to not feel responsible because it probably wasn't a result of me - could be work, kids, upcoming retirement, health, blah, blah, blah - although I'm a big part of his life - I'm not his god and don't have the power to push him in his cave - only he has that power. His cave, his choice. I think a piece of the puzzle of our surface communication was touched on in a post by MysticalBass in the thread, "If I could just get women off the mind." My hardest fight is actually applying the knowledge and being aware of what I am thinking at any given time. I zone out and become completely unconcious of my own thoughts, and sometimes my own actions, and get locked inside some elaborate story that my mind will create, pictures and all. I can remember those days when I was addicted to romance novels and fantasy to get me through the pain of my dying marriage to my ex. I never though of fantasy as possibly my husband's way of dealing with life. I just never though of a tall, strong, intelligent, humorous, kind, loving, responsible hunk as existing in the fog of fantasy. That would explain so much. Why even when I ask him a question and he doesn't have an answer and he says he'll get back to me - and a few weeks later when I ask that he looks at me with this deer in the headlights look and says he didn't think about thinking about that....... aurgh. These aren't questions that my feminine brain would find challenging - things like, "How do you feel about being a grandparent?" or "What are your concerns about your son now that he's gone away to school?" or "Any suggestions on how we can improve our sex life?" It would also explain why he likes marathon sports on television. He never shows emotions, never cheers for his team. But that may either distract him from his fantasy to have some pseudo-reality in life or maybe it lets him fantasize more because I won't interrupt with questions. I wish we could have emotional intimacy where we could discuss deep things. I read once that 80% of all couples never discussed the deep things and still felt they had wonderful marriages. That the deep stuff could be discussed with God or a friend and was a burden to a happy marriage. I'm trying to grasp that concept and I'm making small steps - but it seems each small step of letting go of that expectation includes a grieving of letting go and fear of how that need will get met if not through my marriage. Apparently I had a Cinderella complex that I'd marry and that man would totally complement what I needed as I'd fulfill what he needed. But that's not reality. Reality is marriage is hard work, part of it is frustrating and part of it is fulfilling. It makes me grow as a person - it gives me a long-term commitment where both of us can grow. In an ideal world, marriage would meet at least some of my sexual needs. Because in my moral code, that's the only place those needs can be met. But apparently that's the only need I have exclusive to marriage and the social, spiritual, intimate, emotional needs can be met outside the marriage. Either way it comes with a price. I would like those met in marriage, those are areas he has no desire to meet in the marriage (although he desired to meet them in courtship). It would be nice if he was willing to meet in the middle - but to him those needs are so foreign to marital happiness that it's like talking a different language. Looks like my options are denying I have those needs, being frustrated he's not interested in meeting those needs or getting them met outside the marriage. Tough choices. I pray for God's guidance of the serenity prayer - to find acceptance and know which needs to change and how to meet the needs that are truly necessary to be me. I'm still looking up to God. LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 23, 2005 12:40:47 GMT -5
An Al-Anon model of SO Recovery
I know Al-Anon members who have truly found their serenity whether their partner is drinking or not. That is part of the words said at every meeting... that we can have serenity whether our loved one is drinking or not.
They don't snoop in his trunk or go into the garage and look in his tool box; they don't check his pockets for receipts, they don't smell his breath or ask him where he's been. Yet they are happy, fulfilled wives.... independent of their partner's behavior.
They say they get there by making a conscious choice to choose serenity in every circumstance of life.
I say it's do-able and I want that in my life - my husband says he's given up porn and I truly believe he's cut down but had slips. That's not based on any facts, just on my feminine intuition and promptings from God. But for aall I KNOW without a shadow of doubt is nothing: he could be porning several times a day or maybe he no longer porns or wanks.
No conversation means no knowledge; but would I believe him if he told me? Probably not. He's not going to counseling or a group or, to my knowledge, an on-line support structure. I want serenity if my husband is porning or not. That is not denial that he's porning nor is it disengaging from loving and caring about him - it's just choosing serenity over the circumstances of life.
Similarities and Contrasts
My first thought is - but he could go to jail if his porning would continue the downward spiral. But that's true for the wives of alcoholics, too. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
But if it continues on the downward spiral, he could commit adultery and get a sex disease and die. An alcoholic could die from liver disease, car wrecks, or smothering in their own vomit. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
He could start paying for porn or sex and we could get in a financial mess; the same is true with drinking. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
He could loose his job and our retirement if he'd act out at work and get fired. The same fear could be said for the wife of an alcoholic. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
If things would be different, then we could have a sex life or a better sex life; but I'm sure many Al-Anon members have lost a great sex life to their husband's alcohol. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
Periodically I wonder if I'm defective and drove him to porn; I'm certain most wives of alcoholics have wondered the same thing about their husband's drinking. Yet many Al-Anon members have found serenity anyway.
SO's role
The big one for me is after reading, "Love Must Be Tough" - like I am required to be the catalyst or enforcer of him choosing to give up porn. It makes me feel like I'm an inadequate wife and poor Christian for not figuring out how to make him get into what my standards would consider recovery: counseling, 12-step meetings, accountability partner, and/or posting on self-help forums.
I think putting the responsibility on the SO for "fixing" her partner is unrealistic and unfair. I think realistically I'm required to let him know how it affects me, how it affects our marriage and what consequences I'll use if he crosses my boundaries.
The boundary I'd like to have is that we discuss his recovery on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I can set aside time, I can even get him to set with me, but I can't make him talk or be honest. I can't control him. I can say, I will leave you if you won't talk -- but that's opening a can of worms whereby he can choose to lie to fulfill my demand and to keep me off his back. Since I don't want to be lied to and I don't trust his honesty - I might as well not have this boundary because it has the potential for causing greater pain and I don't want that. What I really want is for him to desire to share with me of his own free will and that won't come by boundaries. I think it has a greater potential for happening by choosing serenity and the path of love.
I'm still looking up to God.
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 24, 2005 8:11:29 GMT -5
Another quiet day. It is beautiful outside - almost 60 degrees with a blue sky that is getting cloudier by the second. I'm enjoying it because in a few days/weeks the rainy season will start and we'll have 15 feet of rain before the snow starts flying in September. I hate day after day of gray weather and no sunshine; much prefer the winters with minus 30 temperature and beautiful blue skies sparkling off the snow. All that gloom gets me gloomy; hopefully being aware the weather does that will be a way to stop that trigger from stealing my serenity this summer.
The two months of gray, rainy weather reminds me of being a SO. It would be nice if "it" would just go away so life would be bright again. "It" being stress, hurt, pain, confusion, the fear that you'll open the computer and have porn pop-ups. Yet, I'm choosing serenity and do quite well, in my opinion, of having more serene days then stress days - but I know underneath I haven't given up some of the expectations so the stress is still surging on a deeper level. Because of his porning, I'm having to delve into deep places of me and fix them. Had he never porned, I could have went through life without having to dig deep and fix things so I could get my equilibrium back. Usually I find that a blessing, but today if feels just totally unfair.
Back to my main complaint. If he'd just talk to me about what he's having to dig and fix, it would make life so much easier. If I knew both of us were hurting as we matured in some of those deep areas, it would make all that work feel worthwhile; right now the work I'm doing feels like survival - it would be nice to add a growing together as a couple to that. All I can do is trust that he is doing some internal work because of changed external behavior. Like I said yesterday, I can't force him to talk or to be honest if he'd talk; but that part of being a SO sucks even more then finding porn.
I can accept his looking at porn as part of his addiction; although it causes me great pain - the pain of his refusal to talk about it is greater. I feel so very disrespected - like a non-person to him because he won't talk to me except about superficial things. My counselor says it's not because he won't; it's because he's so deep in his disease that he can't. I just can't (won't?) wrap my head around that so it makes sense. I guess I've spent so many hours of my life self-analyzing that I can't fathom any other way to cope with life.
Tomorrow is my bi-weekly counseling. I think I know what topic I'll pick!
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on May 26, 2005 18:35:07 GMT -5
I blew it. I let Joe get under my skin and I got so frustrated with his ragging on the women last night that I couldn't sleep, got up and indulged my food addiction. Had a big bowl of raspberry triffle and a slice of multi-grain toast. Why do I let a moronic opinion get under my skin and blow my sobriety? I know everybody is entitled to their own stupid opinion - even me. I got 3 hours of sleep and then got up still half freaked out because I was afraid if I'd sleep later that my husband would porn. Addictions make no sense at all and a slip in one leads to loss of serenity and slip in other areas for me.
I think for me part of it was the media of a forum. Because I can't see the person talking and posting, I miss the visual cues that come from face-2-face communication.... same reason I hate to talk on the phone. His word choices came across as hostile, demeaning and I felt impotent to get my point across as also valid. I recognize I felt like that when I was a kid and had to put up with mom's verbal assault that often lead to blisters and bruises on my behind or a black eye and broken glasses. I realize I can set strong boundaries now that I'm an adult, but that helpless feeling overwhelmed me last night. Blame it on ovulation and bloat. Plus the heat - second day of summer weather and it was 75 F outside - with an average annual temperature of +17 F (- 8 C) it's like an oven. Gripe and complain. Gripe and complain.
I woke up remembering last time I was home mom still hurt me. I'm 54, you'd think I'd have strong boundaries figured out by now. I was sitting in the recliner with my feet up. She walked by and grabbed my toe and dug her thick, strong thumbnail into the soft nail-bed of my toe until I yelped (it left a dent in the nail as it grew out). Then she started crying because I didn't accept her loving gesture. Loving gesture my foot. No wonder I didn't know how to make boundaries having grown up with that. I did learn to put my chair's foot rest down any time she came within 6 feet of my chair! I wish I would have had coping techniques like that as a kid. I can remember as a kid forcing myself to hold still why she hurt my fingers or toes because if I didn't then I'd get blamed for being unloving. But it made me question my sanity of going home for vacation again.
Somehow it doesn't surprise me that I had a food slip. I had an absolutely glorious time at prayer meeting. It was like God stood behind me, wrapped his arms of love around me and had me pray words of love and encouragement to the other women in the group. I'd say half of us had tears streaming down our face when I was done praying and we were ready to move on to the next woman in the circle. I know the forums don't talk much about evil - but I also believe in a personal devil as well as a personal God. I think the devil hates it when I get close enough to feel God's love and tries to hinder that blessing continuing.
My husband is still waiting to hear if he got the job on the island. We've been looking for homes through online real estate and I truly don't know how my friends and family back home would ever handle it if we get the house we like because the name of the town is Dildo! It's an older town founded in the early 1800s - that would be interesting to live in a town with history since this town is younger than me! But the front yard is across the street from the ocean. I love watching the lake behind our house and I'm praying God works it out so we can move there so I can live on the ocean and watch the whales and icebergs. I've so enjoyed them on vacations. Guess it shows I was raised in Kansas where there is no natural lakes - only man made. But I love the beauty of the rolling hills and colorful square fields in Kansas, too.
**** possible trigger ******
I think my husband is either getting my boundaries or is out of porn and not objectifying me so much. He use to tip me over and pull my pants down. Or my nightie up to peek at bedtime. I sunbathed for the first time this year today. He reached down and touched my stomach and I felt anger make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He said he loved me and then sit on a chair to sunbath. I realized last year we had a few arguments because he'd pull my swimsuit aside to see my breast or genitals. He may have considered it - but he didn't act on that impulse. It really made me feel cherished and special that he behaved and we didn't have to have that same stupid fight we've had dozens of time each summer. It's nice when you feel like you've been heard and validated.
LookingUp
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Post by tootrue on May 27, 2005 0:30:56 GMT -5
LU.....you have been through so much and I have no words to say after reading your journal. I admire your strength and tenacity and your many words of wisdom. I am glad you sunbathed in peace and harmony with your husband. I am glad things are going this way for you. Ellie
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Post by cmorahope on May 27, 2005 12:24:12 GMT -5
LU,
You've got to be kidding!!! ;D Is that really it's name? How would you ever be able to give anyone your address without giggling?
Cmorahope
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Post by LookingUp on May 27, 2005 12:58:13 GMT -5
I'll send you a PM with information to show this town really exists.
I don't know how I'd tell my family. I talked to my step-daughter last night and she said if we move there just say I lived on the ocean and not the name of the town - because she sure won't tell her friends where we live except on Trinity Bay. You've seen those Christmas cards with "We've got a new address?" Can you imagine the shock of Great-Aunt Priss when she got THAT card? :0 I have a couple uncles that would probably split their shirt laughing so hard, though.
Some of the other towns on the island are Bare Need, Blow Me Down, Broad Cove, Cow Head, Gin Cove, Hibbs Hole, Jerry's Nose, Luke's Arm, Red Head Cove, Toogood Arm, Virgin Arm, and Witless Bay.
There's also towns named Happy Adventure, Heart's Content, Heart's Desire, Heart's Delight and Angel's Cove. There's also Sunnyside that averages 320 days of fog and rain a year!
Obviously my adopted countrymen have a wonderful sense of humor that I thoroughly enjoy. When you go to the stores, about 50% of the people pushing carts are couples, 25% are men doing the family shopping and 25% are women. Very family and couple oriented society. It's not unsual to see people married 20 to 40 years still holding hands and going for walks, dancing, removing snow, planting gardens or shopping together. The divorce rate is quite low because of this interdependence and care provided to each other. My husband got a double portion of that type of giving and I think that's why it makes his "growth potential areas" tolerable. There's still so much more good then bad. I'd estaimate almost half of my friends (most are stay at home wives) and me - our husbands do the majority of the cooking and that involves dishes afterwards. In many areas I feel very loved, valued and cherished.
LookingUp
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Post by presciousself on May 27, 2005 13:10:07 GMT -5
I looked it up on Google and I thought the pictures were so scenic and beautiful but i was a bit freaked out at the references to "Dildo Days" (an annual celebration) which seemed to be posted on sex related sites and even pedophile sites talking about that town. Does the name "Dildo" attract wackos to the town?
I aslo read that it gots its name because the towns people carved dildos out of whale bone or because of the shape of the island.
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Post by cmorahope on May 27, 2005 13:33:37 GMT -5
;D ;D I might consider moving there myself! Really I love all the greenery and the Oceon! Blessings, Cmorahope
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Post by LookingUp on May 27, 2005 14:05:24 GMT -5
Really I love all the greenery and the Oceon! But it's only green during the brief 5-6 months of spring, summer and autumn. They average about 5 feet of snow in the long winter with an average annual temperature or 45 F. Where we live we get 14 feet of snow in the winter and 15 feet of rain in the summer: Two seasons: snow and mud; with an average temperature of 25 F. LookingUp
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