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Post by choselife on Apr 12, 2005 5:37:47 GMT -5
34 days in the bank and earning substantial interest.
Not much new to say. Dropped about 4,5 pounds over my max, started running, and expect to lose a lot more, another 15 lbs.
Just bought Tony Robbins book "Awaken the Giant Within." Should be an interesting read.
Work has been less stressful, and procrastinating a bit less. Another thought on procrastination is when I procrastinate a fair amount less, takes off a fair amount of stress. When I get to the point of procrastinating a lot less, then I will be opening up the door to really excel.
Lastly, one of the biggest changes in me over the last month is the positive self-talk. For example, I have replaced "I have a problem that I will try to solve" (gee thats real confidence inspiring), with "I have a challenge which I will figure out a way to resolve."
(edit) I have just observed how quickly that I can get down on myself. I have a few work related tasks to do, but nothing super urgent, so I should just pick one. But instead I wasted about 15 minutes this morning doing nothing. And I find this really brings me down. Does anybody else experience things like this? I wish to be a little more even-keeled.
CL
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Post by sisyphus on Apr 12, 2005 10:29:10 GMT -5
Yup, I know exactly what you are talking about here. But is it possible to "do nothing." I mean, think about what you WERE actually doing. Any way to see it in a positive light?
It's so hard to stay positive, but as we all know, it's the negative that kicks our butts. One thing I've been trying to do is when I start getting down on myself, just make a quick mental list of five good things, anything. Trick is to remember to do it.
Peace
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Post by dj2005 on Apr 12, 2005 14:47:37 GMT -5
man oh man- when you get that tony robbins book in your head, it is gonna be AMAZING to see where your life goes. I'm telling you, you are ripe for the lessons in that book! I can't wait to hear your thoughts , and see where this takes you dj
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Post by 1975 on Apr 12, 2005 15:45:28 GMT -5
DJ, Amen to that! You've read it too? ChoseLife, Glad to hear about the sense of humor returning! That's a big goal/ area of improvement for me also. ;D
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Post by choselife on Apr 12, 2005 20:48:37 GMT -5
35 days sober (in a couple of hours), and it is quite amazing, it is like I am a different person. It feels weird, but of course, "good" weird.
Feel so much more in control of myself, feel like I am living with an internal sense of integrity; much more outgoing; happier; more confident; more relaxed, more optimistic, sense of humor coming back, more energy, etc. Hey, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to determine possible medication. I had set this appointment a couple of months ago, but who knows, maybe I really don't need any medication, which is my preference anyhow.
I am getting a taste of life on the other side of the tracks and I like it. I believe with my heart that it will give me that much more incentive to not go back to where I was for so long.
I know that I have a long way to go, but it feels so good to know that I have found the right road, and am continuing to take steps down that road. There is no turning back now.
Lastly, this board has simply been an amazing resource to me, and I have had the wisdom to take advantage of it.
CL
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Post by gerry on Apr 12, 2005 22:44:39 GMT -5
Hi CL: It feels so good to read posts like this: with hope, with a good future. You are winning the war... CONGRATULATIONS!
Gerry
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Post by dj2005 on Apr 13, 2005 0:46:21 GMT -5
hey brotha-
you are ON FIRE right now. your energy is incredible- i think you might be glowing in the dark or something- i can feel your strength in your words.
here's a list of some things that i've been thinking about for the past few days. it's a list of reasons why i truly believe that you will have great success in your recovery.
1. you are actively rooted in a support community 2. you are hopeful 3. you are humble 4. you are honest 5. you are inspired (that's why you canbe an inspiration) 6. you are success-oriented (hence your name) 7. you are open-minded
i know i said this before, and i hope i don't sound like a crazy fan, but you ROCK. keep up the great work. it's an honor to know you. dj
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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 13, 2005 1:22:15 GMT -5
Hi CL, I can see the changes in the way you write. You are far more positive in your choice of words and in your beliefs and attitudes than in the old days. By tackling the roots of your concerns you've become more capable of recovery, and more able to see it all unfolding. I am cheering you on, as always. Still
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Post by choselife on Apr 13, 2005 5:30:40 GMT -5
Thanks, Gerry, DJ and Still. Just had an interesting observation. Its not really that I buy in 100% to all these positive thoughts about myself. Its actually even more cool that I don't 100% buy in, but I say them anyhow. It is great that I think well enough of myself to allow myself to say such positive things ahead of my more fully attaining them. Maybe that is what is referred to as visualization. Its like I am defining myself in a certain image, laying the "shoes" of that image out there ahead of me, and then stepping into those shoes. Let me know if that makes sense, if not, perhaps I can explain it better later. I'm a little rushed right now. Lastly, I am on a natural high. Just made me think of your post, DJ, about excitement. This natural high helps me enjoy myself, my wife, my daughter, my 2 cats, my 2 dogs (other than when they pee on the carpet . This is a form of excitement, DJ, and this type of excitement is perfectly fine. Quick story to show how the changes I believe I am making on the inside impact insignificant happenings in the real world. I was in an office supply store waiting on line to pay, with a binder containing some loose papers which I had just photocopied. The binder slipped off of the counter, and papers went flying in every direction. The woman behind me looked so upset for me. I said to her, with a light-hearted tone "Well, at least nothing was breakable" and almost cheerfully picked up the scattered papers. A little symbolism just thought of ... I am not breakable either, and when I falter on my path (lets be real ... I won't use P but I am not done making mistakes in my life), I believe I have the potential to cheerfully pick up the scattered pieces, reassemble them to where they were and to continue forward making progress. CL
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Post by BeHereNow on Apr 13, 2005 11:41:45 GMT -5
CL,
What can I say except that you are an inspiration to me.
Thank You!
BHN
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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 13, 2005 11:59:27 GMT -5
I absolutely do understand the visualisation you described, and it's definitely the way to go. Your writing is also an affirmation and it's all adding up to a generally positive attitude. Even accepting mistakes as just part of normal life is a positive statement.
Time for sleeping where I live, so bye for now and keep up the wonderful efforts!
Still
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Post by choselife on Apr 14, 2005 6:47:39 GMT -5
Thanks, Still and BHN.
BHN, I haven't had time to reply to your thread. I will when I can.
I have stuff to do, so this will be a short post.
36 days sober, met with therapist yesterday and felt great to share the new me (and I don't so much mean sober, as much as new attitude) with him.
My major focus has been living my life in such a way to minimize stress, which means a lot of things which don't have time to get into now. But I can say that I definitely have a lot more energy available to focus on minimizing stress when I don't have the energy diverted to fighting the strong P urges. Not that they are not there at all, but they are quiet, almost like a sleeping monster, just occasionally stirring, but not making much of an effort to even get up. I just know how quickly it can leap up, if I allow it an opening. And once its up, its a lot tougher to fight. So I will live my life in such a way to keep it dormant, and hopefully, eventually, wither away and die.
CL
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Post by dj2005 on Apr 14, 2005 9:51:52 GMT -5
escape velocity- that's what you've got! pulling away from this addiction is like a rocket headed for the moon. for this journey, 80% of your fuel is spent in the first three miles of the trip. but after that, the miles go by with increased ease. CL- i gotta say, it looks like you're reaching the upper atmosphere! congrats on a successful launch dj
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Post by choselife on Apr 15, 2005 5:25:31 GMT -5
37 days of sobriety, and I am feeling real strong.
Being sober and working on recovery is allowing me to discover the person that I truly am, but had been buried for so long.
I like what I am seeing.
Many years ago, there was a book, I believe, called something like "I'm ok, you're ok". Never read it, but it relates to how I am viewing the world these days.
One of the very best things I am experiencing is the feeling of not being dependent upon what external things happen for my own self-worth. I used to be just about 100% dependent, as I had nothing inside myself to fall back upon. It feels so much better now that I am beginning to have myself back.
CL
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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 15, 2005 8:19:28 GMT -5
That is so important to rely on your own assessments of how things are going, rather than on others' views, CL. I have found that an important key to happiness, as well. I am enjoying watching your progress! Still
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