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Post by choselife on Mar 26, 2005 7:22:39 GMT -5
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Post by Stillhopeful on Mar 26, 2005 8:04:44 GMT -5
Congratulations for the 17 days of freedom. I will be reading of your progress, here. Still
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Post by choselife on Mar 26, 2005 8:14:58 GMT -5
Thanks, Still.
Your support has been, is, and always will be helpful to me.
CL
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Post by INSEARCHOF... on Mar 26, 2005 9:29:27 GMT -5
l look forward to reading your journal Chooselife
You know I think the power of a journal is when you go back and read it later. Often more than not I go back and read it and am surprised by what I wrote.. It is like a window into my soul because it often shows me what I was really feeling. I have come to understand that what I feel and what I think I feel are sometimes different things..
I hope journal will also be a window to your soul and a source of self understanding.
And thanks for commenting on mine. I'll send you a PM about it when I get a chance
Peace Shalom and Prayers promised for all who struggle
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Post by BeHereNow on Mar 27, 2005 8:21:02 GMT -5
Just wanted to add to the string of congratulations, CL. 17 days is great!
Your heart knows that there's no going back now.
All the best,
BHN
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Post by choselife on Mar 27, 2005 8:27:45 GMT -5
Thanks, BHN.
In my heart, I know that being sober sure does agree with me. I feel so much better about myself when I build up these strings of day, and the more days that go on, overall the easier it gets. I also know that I am capable of going back in the blink of an eye, as some on this board who are sober for far longer than I am also attest to. However, I will say that I have no intention of going back, and I will keep on fighting this battle day by day. Congratulations to you too BHN on your string off successful days. Doesn't it feel great? "Be here now" is a great name that you have given yourself. Were you also into mindfullness meditation? I will now get off the board and meditate.
Thanks again. CL
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Post by BeHereNow on Mar 27, 2005 8:50:01 GMT -5
Yes. I've found it very helpful indeed. I also believe there is nothing but the present moment. The only time we can engage with the world is NOW, the only time we can be sober is NOW, the only time we can wake up is NOW.
Past and future are nothing more than thoughts in the mind.
Only the present moment is real, and all chance of freedom, change and acceptance is HERE.
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Post by INSEARCHOF... on Mar 27, 2005 10:33:15 GMT -5
Mindfullness mediation... that sounds interesting is there a thread on that someplace ? I've always been a busy person and I've never found it easy to meditate on anything ...
Hope you are having a good day CL
Prayers Promised for all who struggle
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Post by choselife on Mar 29, 2005 18:51:52 GMT -5
After today, 21 days sober, definitely an accomplishment.
I am currently having some feelings that I am uncomfortable with, related to my work. Although I won't act upon it, some part of me would love to use P, as it would allow me to totally escape from those feelings. P is such a maladaptive behavior, its almost funny. It is nothing but self-destructive. Its power is that it is such a total escape. Has anybody truly found an escape which is as stress-relieving as P? I know of a lot of things that I can do, i.e. run, meditate, watch a basketball game, etc, but I have yet to find anything that beats sexual acting out. Its like I temporarily want to be someone else, and if I go to a chat room, it fulfills that purpose so well. And it is so effortless and fun and exciting. Whereas to get off my ass and do something constructive takes work and effort. Its so much easier taking the easier way out.
As I said, I am NOT going to act out, but just trying to be honest with my feelings.
CL
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Post by INSEARCHOF... on Mar 29, 2005 23:49:41 GMT -5
After today, 21 days sober, definitely an accomplishment. Although I won't act upon it, some part of me would love to use P, as it would allow me to totally escape from those feelings. P is such a maladaptive behavior, its almost funny. It is nothing but self-destructive. Its power is that it is such a total escape. Has anybody truly found an escape which is as stress-relieving as P? CL Thanks for being honest if we can't be honest here where can we be... 21 days is three weeks YES... a great accomplishment Yes p satisfies it pulls you in and distracts you for about 3 seconds... then it dumps you... I always find it easy to jump in but it never ever leaves me in a better place.... and its all fake... its not real... I long for it sometimes or I use MB to distract myself or whatever but it never has a long term effect ever.. Choose I'm not sure if I told you this but I wanted to... You are and will be an excellent Tribal Elder... Thanks for all of the support you give us here... Peace and prayers promised for all who struggle
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Post by gerry on Mar 30, 2005 16:52:39 GMT -5
congratulations in your 22th day choose! I feel so empty too, I been looking for any activity to forget P and MB.. but nothing that fils me for more than a week... my sobriety is thanks to God's help. be well gerry
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Post by choselife on Mar 30, 2005 20:55:59 GMT -5
Thanks, ISO and Gerry.
One good thing about having a journal is that even if I am posting something that I truly already know, it gets a little more internalized just by virtue of writing it in the journal and sharing it with everybody.
Well today is 22 days sober. I truly feel that I am making progress. I had a successful work day today, dealt with somewhat stressful situations very well over all. The interesting and I suppose obvious point is that I am so much better equipped to deal with stressful situations when I am sober, as my self-esteem is so much better. When I act out, even though I always try to move on, at least for a period of time, I feel depressed and hopeless, not very conducive to either working successfully or being a good spouse or father or being kind to myself. In addition, the nature of my career is that I need to be energetic and positive and really "out there" to be successful. Using P and MB just drives me in to myself, making it incredibly difficult to work successfully.
For me to ever truly discover how wonderful life can be, I need to remain sober and I will.
CL
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Post by 1975 on Mar 31, 2005 17:38:12 GMT -5
Great insights CL,
All the best and keep up the great work!
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Post by BeHereNow on Mar 31, 2005 18:38:25 GMT -5
Hi CL, when I first committed to recovery and came to this board I managed 22 days sober. Haven't reached that since. Your journey is encouragement that I can.
Thank You.
Good luck and stay mindful,
BHN
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Post by INSEARCHOF... on Apr 1, 2005 0:05:48 GMT -5
How was your day today Chose Hope all is well keep up the good fight and thanks for all the time you spend giving back on this board...
Peace and Prayers promised for all who struggle
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