Post by greyveil on Sept 8, 2004 16:29:44 GMT -5
Hi & welcome,
This thread is intended to be a general resource for SO's (significant others) whose partners are SA's (sex addicts).
If you are a SA looking to speak with other SA's, you can find them on the general board. Click here to go to the General Board.
Now, if you are a partner of an addict (SO), the circumstances that brought you here are probably quite upsetting. You will likely be feeling betrayed, shocked, confused, misled, manipulated, angry, depressed, disgusted, inadequate & so forth.
Rest assured that these feelings are all normal. It hurts to find out someone we love has been keeping secrets from us. You are not alone.
Not sure if your partner is an addict? Here is a questionnaire that might help.
Let's get the techie stuff out of the way before continuing. How to use the board:
Registering - You must be a registered member to post in the partner's forum. To register, see the top of the page where it says, "Welcome, Guest, please Login or Register". You must supply a valid email address to register. If you don't want to provide your regular email, sign up for a web-based email through yahoo or hotmail & use that one. If you don't want your email address to be visible in your profile, choose "Hide from public".
Posting - To start a new thread, see "New Thread" at the top of the thread list. To reply to a thread, see "Reply" at the top of that thread.
Instant Messaging (IM) - To instant message someone else, just click on their username & go from there. To check your own messages, go to the very top of the page where it says, "Hey, (yourname), you have 123 messages". (You have to be logged in for this).
Quoting - look at the upper right side of a post. You'll see a little icon that says "quote." If you click on that, a new window will open with the text quoted from that message.
Modifying and Deleting - When you are logged in, look on the upper right side of the message. If it's someone else's post, you will just see the "quote" icon. If it's your post, you will have the option to "delete" or "modify" your post. That's useful if you realize you want to re-word something, or you accidentally posted your message twice.
A burning folder indicates that something is a "hot topic." I think that happens when there is more than one page.
After you post 50 times, you automatically get promoted to "Junior Member" and get 2 stars.
100 posts = Full Member (3 stars)
250 posts = Senior Member (4 stars)
500 posts = Tribal Elder (5 stars)
LINKS TO SA INFO:
Here is a site with tons of links to SA-related sites, including 12-step groups.
Healthymind has good articles & general info. Their piece on Cognitive Distortions is particularly interesting.
Boundaries- what they are, how to set them - very important for SO's to learn.
Important stuff for SO's to know about the journey through SA. (The original New Member thread).
The New Member thread on the SA side has lots of info & reading material.
Dr. Phil's articles on infidelity. He does not tell us porn is "our problem", so it's safe there.
Imago relationship therapy. The book Getting the Love You Want is based on this. I found it very helpful.
Codependency information from the website of Melody Beattie, author of "Codependent No More", a highly recommended book on the subject.
A different view on codependency. Thanks to FooledB4 for the link.
S-Anon and COSA 12-step groups for SO's, thanks to Danielle for the links.
The following links were contributed by twicebitten (thanks!):
Plan for breaking p*graphy addiction
Covenant Eyes accountability software.
Mozilla is a browser that eliminates pop-ups.
National Council on Sex Addiction & Compulsivity. This site includes a SA therapist search function.
Authentic happiness
Detachment
Sex Addiction facts
Online Sex Addiction questionnaire
Life tips - Codependency
Virtual Unfaithfulness
Porn & cybersex
If anyone has suggestions for other helpful resources and links, please post them.
Also, feel free to Instant Message me with suggestions.
This thread is intended to be a general resource for SO's (significant others) whose partners are SA's (sex addicts).
If you are a SA looking to speak with other SA's, you can find them on the general board. Click here to go to the General Board.
Now, if you are a partner of an addict (SO), the circumstances that brought you here are probably quite upsetting. You will likely be feeling betrayed, shocked, confused, misled, manipulated, angry, depressed, disgusted, inadequate & so forth.
Rest assured that these feelings are all normal. It hurts to find out someone we love has been keeping secrets from us. You are not alone.
Not sure if your partner is an addict? Here is a questionnaire that might help.
Let's get the techie stuff out of the way before continuing. How to use the board:
Registering - You must be a registered member to post in the partner's forum. To register, see the top of the page where it says, "Welcome, Guest, please Login or Register". You must supply a valid email address to register. If you don't want to provide your regular email, sign up for a web-based email through yahoo or hotmail & use that one. If you don't want your email address to be visible in your profile, choose "Hide from public".
Posting - To start a new thread, see "New Thread" at the top of the thread list. To reply to a thread, see "Reply" at the top of that thread.
Instant Messaging (IM) - To instant message someone else, just click on their username & go from there. To check your own messages, go to the very top of the page where it says, "Hey, (yourname), you have 123 messages". (You have to be logged in for this).
Quoting - look at the upper right side of a post. You'll see a little icon that says "quote." If you click on that, a new window will open with the text quoted from that message.
Modifying and Deleting - When you are logged in, look on the upper right side of the message. If it's someone else's post, you will just see the "quote" icon. If it's your post, you will have the option to "delete" or "modify" your post. That's useful if you realize you want to re-word something, or you accidentally posted your message twice.
A burning folder indicates that something is a "hot topic." I think that happens when there is more than one page.
After you post 50 times, you automatically get promoted to "Junior Member" and get 2 stars.
100 posts = Full Member (3 stars)
250 posts = Senior Member (4 stars)
500 posts = Tribal Elder (5 stars)
LINKS TO SA INFO:
Here is a site with tons of links to SA-related sites, including 12-step groups.
Healthymind has good articles & general info. Their piece on Cognitive Distortions is particularly interesting.
Boundaries- what they are, how to set them - very important for SO's to learn.
Important stuff for SO's to know about the journey through SA. (The original New Member thread).
The New Member thread on the SA side has lots of info & reading material.
Dr. Phil's articles on infidelity. He does not tell us porn is "our problem", so it's safe there.
Imago relationship therapy. The book Getting the Love You Want is based on this. I found it very helpful.
Codependency information from the website of Melody Beattie, author of "Codependent No More", a highly recommended book on the subject.
A different view on codependency. Thanks to FooledB4 for the link.
S-Anon and COSA 12-step groups for SO's, thanks to Danielle for the links.
The following links were contributed by twicebitten (thanks!):
Plan for breaking p*graphy addiction
Covenant Eyes accountability software.
Mozilla is a browser that eliminates pop-ups.
National Council on Sex Addiction & Compulsivity. This site includes a SA therapist search function.
Authentic happiness
Detachment
Sex Addiction facts
Online Sex Addiction questionnaire
Life tips - Codependency
Virtual Unfaithfulness
Porn & cybersex
If anyone has suggestions for other helpful resources and links, please post them.
Also, feel free to Instant Message me with suggestions.