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Post by blueclouds on Apr 22, 2007 16:14:40 GMT -5
I'm at day 91, and the voice had this to say: "You've done 90 days clean, bro. Why not treat yourself with a little spin?" This is the same head game I used to play when I was in full addict mode. If life circumstances kept me off the Internet for a week, I would go on a serious binge afterwards, feeling totally justified. Something like: "Well, you missed a week, so even if you do three days' worth tonight, your average for the past week will still only be once every other day, which is a lot less worrying than once a day. Once a day would really be an issue, but three times a week? Nah."
It's still so hard for me to believe -- and then accept -- that my mind is capable of such madness, and that the saner part of me can fall victim to it with such ease.
Blueclouds
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Post by DoneWithIt on Apr 23, 2007 0:21:40 GMT -5
"It's been 126 days, there's no nudity, it won't hurt."
Yeah, right. Very slippery slope.
David - 126 Days Free
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Post by magnificat on Apr 23, 2007 4:25:40 GMT -5
This has got me in the past:
"You're going to look at P soon. It's inevitable. There's nothing you can do about it. Might as well just get on with it, then you can carry on with your day. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be when you fall."
I have a choice. It's not inevitable. I choose not to look at P today or any day.
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Post by ethanm on Apr 23, 2007 12:15:41 GMT -5
My problem is that the voice always ends with "Nobody has to know" but now that I am the one calling the shots and accounting what all I do wrong to my SO, I get to tell the voice "She will know because I'll tell her." That shuts up the voice pretty quickly.
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Post by rockwell on Apr 23, 2007 14:35:11 GMT -5
Voice Report: While driving in my car the voice appeared, well actually it was not the voice. It was a re-play of some P videos I saw in the past. I was replaying many of them in my mind and was in a trance-like state. Suddenly I realized what I was doing. I was viewing P, not in real life, but in my mind. Then the voice spoke. It said, "You have been viewing P in your mind....it is the same thing as actually looking at it online, so why not go ahead and look at it online?!"
Very tricky. Tricky tricky tricky. I confessed my sin to God, and told the voice to shut up. I then changed the thoughts to the recent sexual encounters with my wife instead.
rockwell
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retrvrman
Junior Member
Meanwhile back at the ranch.....
Posts: 53
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Post by retrvrman on Apr 23, 2007 14:44:51 GMT -5
"The Voice" for me is the Enemy....I used to have this problem, however after about 1yr of sobreity the Voice went away. Now I do have a few stray thoughts now and then however, I snap the rubber band on my wrist and then it is like, hey wake up....
There is a biological connection for most with regards to sex/porn addiction. You have to try and break it.
Know this if you do not already...the endorphins that are released when you orgasm or 4x stronger than heroin...dude, now that is one powerful drug!
Greg
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Post by rockwell on Apr 25, 2007 10:41:46 GMT -5
I heard the voice. Trying to tempt me. I immediately recognized him and told him that God has forbidden me to ever look at P again. Then I commanded the voice to be silent! He fled and I am free. Stop him in his tracks!
rockwell
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Post by tennessean on Apr 25, 2007 21:25:21 GMT -5
Damn you voice! I like this thread!! Well the wee bas***d kept telling me to just get online and look at "hot chicks" you know...nothing really P. yeah right pal! I know you're tricks... I was having a stressful day and was really about to take his advice you know? Maybe have a look at WARNING POTENTIAL TRIGGER the "soft P alternative/ punk girls on a certain website" I almost did it man. Had to leave the house and chill. Came home got on here and am much better. Good luck friends.
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Post by magnificat on Apr 26, 2007 14:55:04 GMT -5
Very powerful voice inside my head telling my three different things:
1) You enjoy P (which is a lie, I don't I find it really boring and tire of it very quickly) so why not go and look at it, it's not doing anyone any harm?
2) You've stopped for four days now so you've proved that you can stop any time you want. No problem then, carry on - you can always stop when you need to.
3) Your addiction to P proves that you have an addictive personality so you'll always be addicted to something. (I don't think this is true either). Better P which is free and doesn't do any physical harm, rather than alcohol, tobacco or drugs which cost money and kill you.
Interesting how 2 and 3 are actually contradictory but I didn't see that at the time. I'm just amazed by how I can feel tempted by three different things all at once, all of them are totally false.
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Post by blueclouds on Apr 27, 2007 8:05:51 GMT -5
I'm a little tired today...but the voice wants me to believe I am five thousand, nine hundred and sixty-eight times more tired than I actually am. He is trying to sink me into the depths of tiredness, as if I had been roaming the desert day and night for weeks, as if I may die if I am forced to think or move even a single millisecond further.
Of course, if I gave the voice what it wanted, you'd see how much energy and wakefulness would suddenly be available to me; no effort is too great when it comes to seeking pleasure.
Blueclouds
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Post by wanttochange024 on Apr 27, 2007 15:54:30 GMT -5
Today in the book store the voice told me that it would be ok to look at the women on the covers of the porn magazines, it's ok everyone looks at it... don't you want to know what these women look like in the nude. Pick out one or two and take them home.
Then it would have told me to hide them so that my SO doesn't find them. Then it would have said let's look on the internet...........STOP! voice, I said as I walked out of the book store.
wanttochange024
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Post by wanttochange024 on Apr 28, 2007 14:34:37 GMT -5
The voice is at it again today, telling me it would be OK to just look at a little soft porn. Just some attractive female models in the nude. What would it hurt? It would hurt my SO, me and everything I'm trying to get over. Sometime it's hard to redirect my thoughts away from the voice. Beware of the voice. wanttochange024
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Post by tolohio78 on Apr 29, 2007 15:11:09 GMT -5
"The Voice" is pretty slick and can present some convincing arguments. The ones it's been telling me recently are --- "You had a good day --- you should celebrate" or "you had a bad day --- you deserve some fun" or "you really aren't as bad off as everyone else go ahaed it won't hurt". Of course all of these arguments are total crap. So Voice --- go away!
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maus1
Junior Member
Posts: 65
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Post by maus1 on Apr 29, 2007 17:12:56 GMT -5
This is my first post in several months. I made a new name.
The voice got me last night. Said something like " You've gotta do this. IT will feel so good and it's so awesome." And I followed the voice. And then came the same.
The voice this morning was slightly different. It was trying to make me feel horrible.. in fact it still is. " You've already done it last night, do it again. You want to look at that other clip too. You want to download it and commit the act. Just do it, you'll love it."
But right now there is a stronger voice, a pure voice, a strict voice. A good voice. It's a deep voice. And I can tell it's my voice. It's strong, and it's capable. ANd it's saying "Go over to the board. Go to church. Pick yourself up. End THIS TODAY!" The voice is mad. The voice is determined. I like this voice.
And I will end this today with God's help. It starts with Covenant Eyes. Would anyone like to be my partner?
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peter
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by peter on Apr 30, 2007 23:15:33 GMT -5
This is my first post on this thread. Today i was surfing the web and the voice told me "you know your going to look up sexy clips right?" and i did. But I could not take the guilt in doing so. I turned off the browser and I thought of this site and came here. I feel much better, like the feeling right after you throw up. Clean. The germs are gone. I just hope they wont infect me again.
God Bless, Peter
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